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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Providing booze at a 15th party

105 replies

wingsandstrings · 09/04/2025 10:23

DD is turning 15 in a few weeks. She is hosting a party of about 20/25 people here at the house. She does not drink. But she says that there is 'an expectation' of alcoholic drinks being providing at parties now, amongst her year group. I am deeply uncomfortable at having a bunch of 14 and 15 year olds in my house and providing alcohol. I think it's a safeguarding issue and weird to be sanctioning drinking so young when we know how harmful alcohol is. But I don't want to embarrass her. I am not naive, I know many of her friends drink. So you think there is an expectation that at a 15th alcohol is provided? Should I provide a few beers?

OP posts:
kalokagathos · 09/04/2025 11:09

We had that 10 years ago when my step daughter turned 15. Didn’t provide any booze but didn’t search the kids. It was mayhem and we called the police at 9pm. They inhaled laughing gas prior to coming and once in toilets etc. The behaviour was unreal! Being traditionally drunk pales in comparison. When we called certain parents to pick up their kids, many said they couldn’t because they had had a drink themselves 🤦🏻‍♀️ you couldn’t make it up

DaisyChain505 · 09/04/2025 11:10

No, no and no.

All it takes is for one child to drink too much, get sick and do something stupid and their parents will be asking how they got so pissed and their answer will be “X’s mum bought us all alcohol for the party.”

Grealish · 09/04/2025 11:15

Absolutely not.

A 16th I’d maybe consider providing a few WKDs and the like - but probably not for a group that big just because it would be impossible to know what all of their parent’s opinions are.

Maybe make some mocktails for them? And don’t comment on the fact they’re non alcoholic - this was your DD still gets to seem “cool” and you don’t have to deal with 25 pissed 14 year olds.

80smonster · 09/04/2025 11:31

I don’t have a teen, but have witnessed friends in this exact dilemma. If you don’t provide the booze, it will come from somewhere and be stronger than whatever you would have provided. I would probably offer a very weak French beer or similar, so as to prevent vodka or something else strong being drunk and spewed.

Broadswordcallingdannyboy1 · 09/04/2025 11:34

I wouldn't let my DC14 attend if I knew there would be alcohol.

SheridansPortSalut · 09/04/2025 11:35

The ones who want to drink will find a way to source their own drink. If you provide any they will have that in addition to what they source themselves, not instead of what they source themselves.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 09/04/2025 11:35

@wingsandstrings no no no no no no no no!!!!!! and you also have to stay in the house while the party is going on!!! you cannot leave them without adult supervision!! you also need to hide any alcohol in the room in which you will be ie your bedroom!

SheridansPortSalut · 09/04/2025 11:36

80smonster · 09/04/2025 11:31

I don’t have a teen, but have witnessed friends in this exact dilemma. If you don’t provide the booze, it will come from somewhere and be stronger than whatever you would have provided. I would probably offer a very weak French beer or similar, so as to prevent vodka or something else strong being drunk and spewed.

Edited

From experience, see my post above.

rookiemere · 09/04/2025 11:37

15 is far too young for this. At 16 maybe enough for 2 drinks each with parents being made aware. I kind of gave up from 17, but 15 is very young considering many will still be 14.

faerietales · 09/04/2025 11:38

Nope, but then I wouldn’t be having 25 teenagers in my house either, sounds like a recipe for absolute carnage.

faerietales · 09/04/2025 11:39

80smonster · 09/04/2025 11:31

I don’t have a teen, but have witnessed friends in this exact dilemma. If you don’t provide the booze, it will come from somewhere and be stronger than whatever you would have provided. I would probably offer a very weak French beer or similar, so as to prevent vodka or something else strong being drunk and spewed.

Edited

Providing alcohol won’t stop it being smuggled in.

BobbyBiscuits · 09/04/2025 11:40

I'd say strictly no spirits. If you provide a few beers or nothing, kids will still try and sneak stuff in. So I guess it's about how you police the rule, 'security' searching bags seems excessive.

arcticpandas · 09/04/2025 11:43

Tbh I would be really mad at you if you provided alcohol to my 15 y old son! I would have reported you to the police so just tell your dd that you are not willing to break the law.

Janus · 09/04/2025 11:46

I have 4 children and have gone through 3 teenage parties so far. Absolutely no way do you provide booze. If anyone gets drunk because they bring something that’s on them. If you provide booze and one person necks 8 of the drinks and you have to take someone home who’s in a complete mess their parents would absolutely lose it on you. In fact is it not illegal to supply booze to a minor so they could even involve the police?
I always ‘police’ parties. I go in and wander through the kitchen once or twice so they know I’m there. I never go out. I don’t drink so that if someone is drunk I can be responsible and I have taken home one lad with a sick bowl which he filled on the journey home! I pray each time that the party ends soon! Tell your daughter if anyone turns up that’s not invited (does happen) then they get turned away. I also hide all the booze and I also empty all my knives out the drawers, sounds dramatic but I’d rather try and cover everything. I’m hoping my last child never wants a house party!!! Good luck!

Buttonknot · 09/04/2025 11:46

I have three teens who have been going to parties for the past few years. The youngest I've provided alcohol for was my DD's 16th birthday party, but I have to say that my DS age 15 has been going to parties this year (he's in year 10) at which alcohol is provided. In other words, your DD may not be exaggerating when she says it's an expectation among her friends. This seems to be particularly the case for my 15yo - it wasn't the same for his older siblings, even though they're all at the same school and close in age. I guess different year groups can have different trends / norms.

zoemum2006 · 09/04/2025 11:47

I have provided those weak supermarket cocktails in cans. Just enough for them to feel transgressive but not really a danger to them.

my feelings were that I wanted them in my house so I could deal with any problems/ issues.

to be fair these were a bunch of grammar school nerds who barely drank so it was an easy win.

arcticpandas · 09/04/2025 11:47

Is this a thing now? When I was 15 yes, parents were pretty lax but I don't know anyone who would tolerate it now. And having asked my son he says noone drinks but some do "puffs" nicotine thingies and some say they smoke weed but my son has never seen it. I think the teenage drinking culture is a thing in the past in general.

Differentstarts · 09/04/2025 11:49

Absolutely not i have no issues teenagers having a few drinks and I think its actually good to build a bit of tolerance and I will being doing this with my kids but I wouldn't be doing it with anyone else's its to much responsibility

Saveafun · 09/04/2025 11:50

I wouldn't at 15yo, but if some of them are "drinkers" you'll probably find they bring vodka with them, either openly or sureptiously

Saveafun · 09/04/2025 11:52

arcticpandas · 09/04/2025 11:43

Tbh I would be really mad at you if you provided alcohol to my 15 y old son! I would have reported you to the police so just tell your dd that you are not willing to break the law.

What law exactly would OP have broken? I wouldn't do it either, but it's not illegal to give 15yos alcohol at home or on private premises.

ethelredonagoodday · 09/04/2025 11:53

We had exactly this earlier in the year as eldest is 15 and had a Halloween gathering. A couple of her friends had asked if they could have some drinks, so she asked me. We were very lucky in that we knew all the girls’ parents so could ask the question because to say a blanket yes without that knowledge would have made me uncomfortable . Our DD’s friends cover the whole year of birthdays so whilst the eldest was already 15, the youngest was only just really 14 and entirely understandably, not all parents were happy at the prospect.

My view is that they aren’t all doing it; some are, some absolutely are not! There are definitely friends’ kids who do drink at parties, but the opposite applies too.

In the end we bought a few low strength ciders, but only about 3 were had. The rest of them were happy with soft drinks and squash.

Original poster
wingsandstrings · 09/04/2025 11:53

Thank everyone, there is a very strong consensus for 'absolutely not' with just a couple saying 'maybe a few beers'. This is really helpful sense-check as I was being slightly gaslit by my DD (fair enough, it's the role of a teen to push boundaries) and my DH (less understandable) that alcohol at 15th birthdays is the norm and I am an unreasonable fun-killing puritan!

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 09/04/2025 11:54

I didn’t supply booze and wouldn’t allow any at a 15th

for DDs 16th she had some and they brought with them what they wanted to drink BUT only after agreement from every parent via verifiable what’s app or face time call.

We’ve had a few parties now with only one sick incident!

Saveafun · 09/04/2025 11:54

20 teens in your house is madness though
....and they will drink....a lot.

onwardsup4 · 09/04/2025 11:55

If anything happened and you had provided them with alcohol you could have some pretty pissed off parents on your hands. However I would be expecting that some of the teenagers will bring there own

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