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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Providing booze at a 15th party

105 replies

wingsandstrings · 09/04/2025 10:23

DD is turning 15 in a few weeks. She is hosting a party of about 20/25 people here at the house. She does not drink. But she says that there is 'an expectation' of alcoholic drinks being providing at parties now, amongst her year group. I am deeply uncomfortable at having a bunch of 14 and 15 year olds in my house and providing alcohol. I think it's a safeguarding issue and weird to be sanctioning drinking so young when we know how harmful alcohol is. But I don't want to embarrass her. I am not naive, I know many of her friends drink. So you think there is an expectation that at a 15th alcohol is provided? Should I provide a few beers?

OP posts:
stargirl1701 · 09/04/2025 11:56

I would just provide 0% beers and ciders, OP. Good for Insta photos but zero risk.

Missey85 · 09/04/2025 11:57

Worried you won't be the cool mum? No way would I supply minors with alcohol 🙁

orangedream · 09/04/2025 11:58

...and that they will be total social pariahs if you hold out.

I'd say you could be the social pariah amongst parents if you did supply alcohol to children that age.

tearsforfears72 · 09/04/2025 12:01

Imo teen parties with alcohol provided should be kept to those 16+. If I were in your position I wouldn’t be providing drink to 14 and 15 year olds. I might turn a blind eye to a few ciders/alcopops smuggled in, but I’d confiscate anything stronger.

80smonster · 09/04/2025 12:02

faerietales · 09/04/2025 11:39

Providing alcohol won’t stop it being smuggled in.

Show quote history

Depends on the wealth and deviousness of everyone involved. I’ve seen parties for 15 year olds managed quite nicely by telling them drinks are provided. Equally I don’t particularly believe the OP’s daughters claim that they don’t drink, sounds like the kind of nonsense I told my mum at that age…

GroovyChick87 · 09/04/2025 12:03

I'd be really uncomfortable doing this and it would be a hard no. I don't think there's any major issue with most teenagers having a drink or two at home under parental supervision. My friend and I used to drink Bacardi Breezer and brandy and coke at sleepovers. I actually think that got me to enjoy alcohol in a sensible way and to learn my limits from an early age. But at a party it could get out of hand and you have no idea of their parents views on it. I wouldn't want to be responsible for anything bad happening. Maybe if it was just a few mates you could get their parent's permission and give them a couple of cocktails and that's it.

Outofthepan · 09/04/2025 12:06

Broadswordcallingdannyboy1 · 09/04/2025 11:34

I wouldn't let my DC14 attend if I knew there would be alcohol.

I’m in this camp

I’d just say no party if it’s not cool without alcohol at that age

rookiemere · 09/04/2025 12:13

arcticpandas · 09/04/2025 11:47

Is this a thing now? When I was 15 yes, parents were pretty lax but I don't know anyone who would tolerate it now. And having asked my son he says noone drinks but some do "puffs" nicotine thingies and some say they smoke weed but my son has never seen it. I think the teenage drinking culture is a thing in the past in general.

Depends very much on the circles the teen is in.

Friends had an absolute car crash at their DDs 14th. They were too naive to question why everyone had brought such heavy rucksacks to the party and there were youths throwing up all over their flower borders and all sorts of daft behaviour. I was quite smug at this age as DS wasn’t into drink that early, but once he hit 16 and got into the rugby first team it became more of an issue.

I wouldn’t provide any, but I would turn a bit of a blind eye to what has been smuggled in, provided they aren’t getting completely blotto.

NameChangePoP · 09/04/2025 12:14

It's a no from me too OP. You'll be the one getting into trouble for providing alcohol to underage humans if anything goes wrong.
When my daughter was 18, she wanted a small NYE gathering with a handful of friends. 2 of them hadn't turned 18 yet, but were very close to it. I sought permission from their parents for them to have a drink or two (not being silly and getting drunk) as I felt it was respectful. Thankfully the parents were both fine with it and grateful I asked.

Catsandcannedbeans · 09/04/2025 12:15

No way would I provide it. For my parties as a teen (16 onwards) my parents accepted kids would bring booze, but had a strict no spirits or wine rule. My dad used to take any spirits he found as well, so after a party my mum and dad had a fully stocked cabinet. Of course I broke that rule on my 16th and did 5 shots of sambuca someone brought in a water bottle, threw up on my mums new sofa, and received the bollocking of a lifetime.
I do think it’s a pretty good rule tho, and when the time comes I’ll probably go with that. I do think 20-25 is too many tho, and also 15/14 is too young. I was drinking on the sly at 13 so I’m a total hypocrite, but a lot of parenting boils down to do as I say not as I did.

StrangerThings1 · 09/04/2025 12:17

Ddakji · 09/04/2025 10:32

No - but I wouldn’t hold a house party for that many kids either so I’m possible the wrong person to ask!

I don’t know that I’d be too happy for DD to go to a 15th where the adults were irresponsible enough to provide booze, though, to be honest.

Edited

I wouldn’t hold a party for that many kids of that age either as how are they going to be entertained, some will expect alcohol and I wouldn’t give it to them…..kids of that age aren’t (usually) used to drink so what if one of them got drunk and accidentally fell under a car / other accident later,

Possibly I might make some very light alcoholic punch or something like that but I would feel that I would need to get agreement from all parents to see if that would even be ok and that sounds like such a hassle, some might say ‘yes’ then others would say ‘no’ ….how would you even monitor that

Crazybaby123 · 09/04/2025 12:21

I think we definitely had booze at parties at that age. Hooch and bacardi breezers type drinks. I'm not sure tbh whaf I would do now for my son. Maybe if it was about 5 of them I would think about a few hooches and coordinate with their parents, but 30 kids and a load of alcohol sounds like a recipe for a disaster.

ARichtGoodDram · 09/04/2025 12:23

Nope to providing it.

For my twin DDs 16th people their age who were allowed to drink were allowed to bring 3/4 drinks in bottles or cans (no self mixed spirits or anything) if, and only if, their parent was happy to confirm to me that they were allowed.

Drinks brought in a plastic bag. No backpacks, no large handbags, and any sneaking in of anything would see the whole party ended then and there and any hanging out in our house done for three months. Same with sharing drinks with anyone not allowed to drink.

At the time people on here laughed and said i was being ridiculous, but it worked well, and our house was the hang out house for all of their teen years. For all that they all rolled their eyes at me and my "ridiculous" rules I think they actually liked that they knew where they stood and that there were boundaries.

Mudkipper · 09/04/2025 12:24

No. I’d also be checking what they brought. A couple of bottles of vodka and you’re hosting a booze-up.

Lolabirdy · 09/04/2025 12:26

My older brother bought me and my friends alcohol for my 15th birthday party. I’m 26 now.
i remember drinking vodka straight from the bottle then passing out and crying on the living room floor to my parents whilst the party continued in the garden, haven’t touched vodka since.
They can’t handle alcohol and it’ll be a complete mess. Placebo effect will be enough to be honest. Grab some non alcoholic beers and put them in pitchers/dispensers or make a ridiculously weak fruit punch with summer fruits wine.

FartSock5000 · 09/04/2025 12:33

@wingsandstrings I think a good compromise would be alcohol 0% beers and ciders. They are readily available in places like Asda and taste the same.

You could also do a low ABV sparking wine/prosecco for the birthday cake moment.

putyourshoesonnow · 09/04/2025 12:45

When my daughter was that age the only parent that provided alcohol was a ‘Disney Dad’. The kids happily drank it, but they all - especially his daughter- considered it to be the action of a weak parent trying to win his daughter’s affection

Hayley1256 · 09/04/2025 13:11

Are you supervising the party? I would provide some 0% stuff and be on the look out for drugs

Outofthepan · 09/04/2025 13:17

Wouldn’t bother with 0% stuff. They won’t be interested. Plus too easy to swap for real stuff!

is there a focus for this party? It seems a lot of kids just hanging about otherwise

Livingonbananabread · 09/04/2025 13:26

Interesting to see the consensus so firmly against this. We’re a couple of years off this stage and it sounds pretty young to me. But my parents provided booze at my 15th birthday (a couple of light beers per person) and none of the other parents had an issue with it. I remember not being altogether happy with it myself, as a friend had told me about a party where someone got wasted on vodka and threw up everywhere and I was worried. But my parents said that was exactly why they were providing it themselves, so they could control it, keep an eye on us, and confiscate anything else anyone brought. It was fine (post-GCSE party was a bit messier!). By 15 all my friends’ parents were giving us a glass of wine with dinner too.

Ddakji · 09/04/2025 13:53

Livingonbananabread · 09/04/2025 13:26

Interesting to see the consensus so firmly against this. We’re a couple of years off this stage and it sounds pretty young to me. But my parents provided booze at my 15th birthday (a couple of light beers per person) and none of the other parents had an issue with it. I remember not being altogether happy with it myself, as a friend had told me about a party where someone got wasted on vodka and threw up everywhere and I was worried. But my parents said that was exactly why they were providing it themselves, so they could control it, keep an eye on us, and confiscate anything else anyone brought. It was fine (post-GCSE party was a bit messier!). By 15 all my friends’ parents were giving us a glass of wine with dinner too.

DD is 15 and has expressed no interest in drinking at all. She said that some of the popular crowd drink every weekend but she and her pals seem to think they’re a bit sad, to be honest.

I was having watered-down wine with celebration family meals from about age 7 (in the 70s) but I would never do that with her!! It certainly didn’t help me become a sensible drinker in adulthood.

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 09/04/2025 13:59

“I am deeply uncomfortable at having a bunch of 14 and 15 year olds in my house and providing alcohol.”

That’s all there is to it really! You’re the adult and it’s your house, don’t let a 14 year old peer pressure you into buying alcohol for a bunch of children.

What happens when one of them over does it and ends up getting their stomach pumped, or worse? If you provided it, you’re responsible. It will be more embarrassing for DD if her school friends are all prevented from hanging out with her because their parents have labelled her as the trouble-maker with the irresponsible parents.

Original poster
wingsandstrings · 09/04/2025 14:09

Missey85 · 09/04/2025 11:57

Worried you won't be the cool mum? No way would I supply minors with alcohol 🙁

Not at all trying to be cool Mum, as I would have hoped came across in my OP when I said it is weird to feed alcohol to kids, and a potential safeguarding issue. However I didn't go to school in Britain so I just wanted to sense check whether my DD's claim that my views are an outlier is fabricated or correct.

OP posts:
Original poster
wingsandstrings · 09/04/2025 14:12

Outofthepan · 09/04/2025 13:17

Wouldn’t bother with 0% stuff. They won’t be interested. Plus too easy to swap for real stuff!

is there a focus for this party? It seems a lot of kids just hanging about otherwise

I kinda think parties for teens are mostly just people hanging about and eating and chatting . . . or perhaps I just went to some very tame ones when younger. However we have a karaoke machine (as requested by my DD), a fire pit (a covered one so no one can fall in!) and will have pizza delivered.

OP posts:
Original poster
wingsandstrings · 09/04/2025 14:15

A number of people have said that 25 is too many. I get your point but I know 15/16 of them (and their parents) well from primary and a club/hobby . . . . so potentially it's not that many that I don't go way back with.

OP posts: