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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Found pregnancy test wrapper in DD bin

117 replies

WorrriedTemporarynamechanger · 30/12/2024 16:13

My DD19 is home from uni for Christmas. A few hours ago she left to spend two days with her boyfriend over New Year. I thought I would take the opportunity to do a quick clean up- dirty washing, glasses, quick clean of en suite.
Whilst cleaning the en suite, I emptied the bin and found the wrapper for a pregnancy test. I cannot see the actual text in the bin I emptied. I am really worried. Surely you only keep positive pregnancy tests not negative ones. She is not due home till Wednesday or Thursday. I can't talk ti her about it whilst she is away but am so worried. What would you do?

OP posts:
Boyandgirlmum9 · 30/12/2024 16:14

Just tell her you emptied her bin and if she wants to talk about anything, she can. Leave the ball in her court.

JC03745 · 30/12/2024 16:17

She is adult! You don't do anything. Wait and see IF you comes to you.

If she isn't pregnant you could casually discuss contraception in the future, but depends on the relationship you have with her. At 16, I took myself to the GP to get the pill. I also used condoms and read up about preventing pregnancy/STI- long before internet days. My mum and I are very close, but its not something I ever discuss with her though.

ThatMauveRaven · 30/12/2024 16:18

Say nothing. She’s an adult and I’m certain that she doesn’t want her mum snooping through her bin.

mitogoshigg · 30/12/2024 16:21

I know it's worrying for you but it's time she cleans her own room (missing point somewhat)

lleeggoo · 30/12/2024 16:25

I would not do anything.

Original poster
WorrriedTemporarynamechanger · 30/12/2024 16:28

She is an adult legally but still totally financially dependent as a uni student on minimum loan. We contribute over 15k a year including car insurance. If it is a positive test it will have a huge impact on us too. Bf not in financially secure position either.

OP posts:
ThatMauveRaven · 30/12/2024 16:30

WorrriedTemporarynamechanger · 30/12/2024 16:28

She is an adult legally but still totally financially dependent as a uni student on minimum loan. We contribute over 15k a year including car insurance. If it is a positive test it will have a huge impact on us too. Bf not in financially secure position either.

Even if it is a positive test it is precisely none of your business OP. It would be solely her decision, impacts on the family or not.

DurhamDurham · 30/12/2024 16:31

It's not ideal but our youngest had a baby while at uni. It was a struggle and we all helped with childcare etc so she could finish uni. All worked out well, she's a medical professional and our granddaughter is six now.
Whatever she decides to do you just need to be there for her, at 19 she has to make her own mind up.

RealGreyOrca · 30/12/2024 16:31

I think you’d be crossing a boundary by bringing it up. Otherwise if she’s switched on she might see that you emptied the bin and put two and two together. Pretty irresponsible 19 year old if she knows how much you are financially supporting her studies only for her to go and get pregnant. I made sure I took contraception at that age, given that it’s something like 98% affective, she either wants to get pregnant or otherwise was being irresponsible.

WeeWigglet · 30/12/2024 16:35

At 19 I wouldn't put a negative pregnancy test in the bathroom bin, I'd hide it up my sleeve and put it in the outside bin so my Mum wouldn't see it - quite possible I'd forget the wrapper though.

Or has she had any female friends over who may have done a test at yours?

Either way, she's an adult it's up to her to come and tell you if there is any news to be told.

Nc546888 · 30/12/2024 16:36

Please do absolutely nothing. It’s none of your business at the moment.

Parker231 · 30/12/2024 16:38

WorrriedTemporarynamechanger · 30/12/2024 16:28

She is an adult legally but still totally financially dependent as a uni student on minimum loan. We contribute over 15k a year including car insurance. If it is a positive test it will have a huge impact on us too. Bf not in financially secure position either.

You do nothing but wait although why were you in her room when she isn’t there.

Original poster
WorrriedTemporarynamechanger · 30/12/2024 16:38

@WeeWigglet That is a good point about the outside bin. I hadn't thought of that. All I could think was that she'd taken it to show bf which surely you'd only do with a positive test? Perhaps she took it to dispose of it more discreetly.

OP posts:
MounjaroOnMyMind · 30/12/2024 16:39

Try not to worry. Hopefully she just panicked and it's negative. When she comes home I think you should ask her about it. I had the same thing with my daughter who was a bit older but with a useless guy. Luckily the test was negative. I spoke to her about what life would be like if she had a baby with him and she dumped him shortly afterwards.

Motheranddaughter · 30/12/2024 16:40

Absolutely do nothing
She is an adult

doodleschnoodle · 30/12/2024 16:40

I wouldn't do or say anything. I had really irregular periods as a teen, anywhere from 30-day to 80/100-day cycles! So even though I was being sensible with contraception etc. I did sometimes do a pregnancy test just to be absolutely sure, even though it was very unlikely.

Original poster
WorrriedTemporarynamechanger · 30/12/2024 16:42

@MounjaroOnMyMind This would be my worry too. My DD doesn't necessarily see this as a 'forever' relationship just very exciting and romantic now. Without being too outing, bf is waiting for 'big break' in creative field and not pursuing a traditional grad career path atm.

OP posts:
Motheranddaughter · 30/12/2024 16:42

I paid much the same when mine were students , it changes nothing
She is still an adult and you still say nothing

LegoDandD · 30/12/2024 16:47

Motheranddaughter · 30/12/2024 16:42

I paid much the same when mine were students , it changes nothing
She is still an adult and you still say nothing

Sorry to hijack OP’s post but was it really around £15k a year? My sibling said they pay around £6k a year at the moment. I’m just thinking we’ll have 2 at uni at the same time - £12k is manageable. £30k is a whole load more!

pinkdelight · 30/12/2024 16:48

Gosh when I clicked on this thread, I thought DD was going to be 14 or similar. As she's 19, it's absolutely none of your business what's in her bin. If she wants to involve you, she will.

Original poster
WorrriedTemporarynamechanger · 30/12/2024 16:51

@LegoDandD My DD gets minimum loan so we pay her rent. Other things like her car insurance, phone contract, contact lenses, gym membership are our choices so not essential. I can't afford a DGD that is my financial responsibility too though!!

OP posts:
MounjaroOnMyMind · 30/12/2024 16:52

WorrriedTemporarynamechanger · 30/12/2024 16:42

@MounjaroOnMyMind This would be my worry too. My DD doesn't necessarily see this as a 'forever' relationship just very exciting and romantic now. Without being too outing, bf is waiting for 'big break' in creative field and not pursuing a traditional grad career path atm.

The least he can do while he's waiting to become famous is to use contraception, so that he doesn't have to pay out a lot of child support when he's earning millions! Bloody numpty.

Time for an adult-to-adult conversation with your daughter. She needs a belt and braces approach to contraception until she can support herself and any children she has.

Motheranddaughter · 30/12/2024 16:53

We paid £1100 a month plus some extras like mobile phone bills and contact lenses
They didn't have loans

pinkdelight · 30/12/2024 16:54

The money/financial dependency thing is a red herring. It's still none of your business unless she chooses to involve you, Which she might well not do as it might be nothing or she might never want you knowing about what she does. Saying effectively 'we pay for you so we deserve to know about your private life' is really dodgy territory. Funding her studies doesn't let you get involved in whatever else she's up to in her life. God, I dread to think what my parents would've found if they'd gone nosing around when I was 19, but I didn't need their help with any of it and I managed it myself fine. Hopefully your DD will too. The fact she's taken a test shows she's being responsible and managing things, not coming to you. Not least because she probably knows you'd be worrying for probably no reason.

lleeggoo · 30/12/2024 16:54

WorrriedTemporarynamechanger · 30/12/2024 16:51

@LegoDandD My DD gets minimum loan so we pay her rent. Other things like her car insurance, phone contract, contact lenses, gym membership are our choices so not essential. I can't afford a DGD that is my financial responsibility too though!!

It's really not. Your DD would have to find a way to be financially independent, the vast majority of 19 year old parents are not financially dependent.