Found pregnancy test wrapper in DD bin

[WorrriedTemporarynamechanger]

My DD19 is home from uni for Christmas. A few hours ago she left to spend two days with her boyfriend over New Year. I thought I would take the opportunity to do a quick clean up- dirty washing, glasses, quick clean of en suite.
Whilst cleaning the en suite, I emptied the bin and found the wrapper for a pregnancy test. I cannot see the actual text in the bin I emptied. I am really worried. Surely you only keep positive pregnancy tests not negative ones. She is not due home till Wednesday or Thursday. I can't talk ti her about it whilst she is away but am so worried. What would you do?

I have a very good relationship with my DD, same age as OPS DD, and I'd be straight on the phone saying OMG did you do a pregnancy test? But then she usually tells me when she does them anyway (she's paranoid and NEVER wants to be pregnant apparently, not that she isn't being careful)

Emptying a bin is not being nosey. It's what parents do when adult offspring go back to uni- is the OP expected to leave the bin until Easter?

Yeah I agree with this. I would say something supportive and non judgemental, something along these lines.

I used to take a pregnancy test a few times a year when I was using the copper coil, I had serious trust issues that a bit of metal alone could stop pregnancy.

I'm on the fence about this one because I was 18 having my eldest and I did rely on family for money, babysitting etc.

On the other hand my mother was very vocal about abortion but it was my body my choice and our relationship never fully recovered from the situation.

My daughter is 19 and I don't know what I'd do, you didn't go snooping on purpose it was just there in the bin but as you can see from some of the replies on here she might not see it like that. If she's normally pretty sensible then if it's positive she'll work out her own options. Only you know your daughter and you know if she'll need support and if you should mention it and how she'll react.

She has probably taken the test away to dispose of and forgotten about the wrapper.
I did countless pregnancy tests in my early 20s and all were negative if that's any reassurance!

Goodness I was just saying on another thread that in MN world nothing is ever your business. If I found a pregnancy test wrapper in the bin then I'd be bringing it straight up. Dd might be legally an adult but really she's just an over grown teenager!

At 19 I'd have loved a supportive mum to help me with things like this and not to be left to deal with it on my own because she'd decided I was an adult now and so must be able to cope with everything alone.

But it's purely for the mother's benefit.

At that age, I would have wanted privacy.

She didn't expect the bin to be looked through so it's not a conversation she's expecting to have.

If it's negative, there's nothing to discuss. Could be to do with contraception or tretinoin.

If it's positive, it's for her to consider and discuss if required. If you already have concerns about her future etc then do you think it's fair putting them on her to solve for you if she's pregnant and doesn't know what to do yet? Listen to those saying leave it. She's not a child.

Put your daughter first and stay out of it. If she was a younger teenager that would be different but she isn't. My mother snooped and found a similar item and her prurience really damaged our relationship.

At 19 I'd have loved a supportive mum to help me with things like this and not to be left to deal with it on my own because she'd decided I was an adult now and so must be able to cope with everything alone.

Absolutely!!!

@Gem359

At 19 I'd have loved a supportive mum to help me with things like this and not to be left to deal with it on my own because she'd decided I was an adult now and so must be able to cope with everything alone.

I have always been a supportive mum. I have made it clear to my kids over their entire lives that they can tell me anything and I will be there for them. At 19 my DD knew full well I would give her a hug and be right by her side if she got pregnant, but again at 19 I would have said nothing in this situation becsue they also deserve a bit of respect and time to think things through before sharing. I would have no issue saying nothing in this scenario because I know my DD would come to me in her own time, if others think they need to say something perhaps that because they don't have the same confidence in their relationship with their DDs.

I would just be upfront. Say you saw the wrapper when cleaning and that you are there if she needs you. X

@lleeggoo - my DM would have said exactly the same as you. Sometimes I knew she knew about things, and yet she gave me "privacy" and "space" and trusted me to go to her in my own time, when really what I needed was someone to take my hand and lead me.

Your relationship with your mother isn't the same as mine with DD. I can assure you. But thanks for trying to out a negative slant on it.

@lleeggoo Absolutely! Every mother and daughter relationship is different. I'm not trying to put a negative slant on anybody else's relationship, I'm sorry if it touched a nerve with you. My relationship with my DM has obviously made me consider how I might behave with my own DD, and I do know that I would have liked my DM to approach me at times. If you choose not to approach your DD, hopefully that's perfect for her.

Only the OP knows about her own relationship with her DD, and while we can all say what we would do in the situation, it doesn't mean it would be the right thing for her and her DD.

I was probably a bit sensitive, sorry!

I don't go into the dcs room generally, I did clear the rubbish out of ds room once or twice as he likes to live in a pig sty but I said to him I was going to do it and if there's something he doesn't want me to see then move it.

However if for some reason I found that out about dds (who are now in their 20s) then I would say something to them. 19 may be seen as an adult but they're not adults at that age and they need to know they can come to me and we will sort it out together whatever they want to do.
I would do the same now at the ages they are, sometimes they need their mum or at the very least to know they can go to their mum if they need

I am putting my hard hat on to disagree with most posters.

My DD is 19, in a long term relationship and currently home from Uni. I have given her bedroom a couple of cleans since she's been home and she is really grateful every time. It makes her feel cared for and feels like a treat after being self sufficient for the past two years. I don't go through her stuff but I do empty her bin.

If I came across a test wrapper, I would tell DD I had found it and just let her know I was available if she wanted to talk. To be honest, I would feel weird not mentioning it - a bit deceitful - and also like I was not giving her an easy way to open a conversation that she might be finding hard to instigate.

DD would then have the option to talk to me or tell me she didn't want to discuss it. We talk about things quite openly though, so perhaps this is more about how we are, I don't know.

Also I reject the idea that the minute your DC turn 18, they no longer want/need/require you, and nothing they do is any of your business. It's just a number - and only you as a parent can gauge how much input you should have.

My DC have always known they can talk to me about anything

£15k a year??? I'm feeling sorry for my DC now.