Found pregnancy test wrapper in DD bin

[WorrriedTemporarynamechanger]

My DD19 is home from uni for Christmas. A few hours ago she left to spend two days with her boyfriend over New Year. I thought I would take the opportunity to do a quick clean up- dirty washing, glasses, quick clean of en suite.
Whilst cleaning the en suite, I emptied the bin and found the wrapper for a pregnancy test. I cannot see the actual text in the bin I emptied. I am really worried. Surely you only keep positive pregnancy tests not negative ones. She is not due home till Wednesday or Thursday. I can't talk ti her about it whilst she is away but am so worried. What would you do?

Well we wouldn’t know that would we. Taking a pregnancy test if you are late is the responsibile thing to do despite what contraception you are on because we all know no contraception is completely fool proof. No need to jump to conclusions

You'll find out soon enough. Maybe spend the time preparing how you will react when/if she tells you.

It will define your relationship going forward.

You've escalated very dramatically from seeing a pregnancy test wrapper to already resenting paying all the costs for a grandchild in the space of a few minutes. It's very dramatic.

Her period might just be randomly late.
She might be overly paranoid.
She might choose to have an abortion even if she is pregnant.

I'd talk to her about it before she gets back, because otherwise by the time she does you'll already be getting university prospectuses for your imaginary grandchild.

Utterly amazed at these responses. If she was my daughter, I would speak to her. She may have left it there to prompt a conversation. Otherwise surely she would have disposed of it eleswhere.

Other than her own bin in her own private space? Madness. It's not like she left it on the kitchen table.

I came in to say this. Dd is 22, a uni student and in a long time relationship with a fellow student.
She is on the mini pill but also takes a pregnancy test every month, just to be sure.

OP's DD may well be doing the same.

You have no idea whether the test is positive or negative, so no idea whether their contraception worked or didn’t work.

There’s every possibility she has an implant or mirena and is also using condoms for STIs - lots of women in casual relationships use two methods of contraception. Maybe a condom split and she is taking a test to be on the safe side, despite the very low risk.

Did your parents help you out though, either financially or with their time?

Speak to the bank managers ... have a word with yourselves.

You are amazingly generous.

Not time other than on rare occasions - we were living at uni 3 hours away. DD went into the uni crèche at 4 months (gave birth at start of summer break).

DH's family helped us get the first month's rent together for our flat. My parents couldn't help at all financially.

She left it inside the bin. This is NOT OP’s business and considering OP seems far more concerned with the potential financial burden on herself, this is not the time she should be speaking to her DD. Let DD go to her mother when she’s good and ready.

Why are you jumping to the test being positive?! You have NO idea if the contraception worked or not.

This.

Yeah, I'm amazed too. Very odd "cool mum" thread.

Not about being a cool mum, it’s about not going absolutely top tier in alienating your daughter. “hey girl, I was snooping through your bin and found X, care to explain? It’s my right to know your personal details because I help fund your education and don’t want to be spending more.”

The best OP can and should do is give her DD space to talk in general. If DD doesn’t want to share OP should still not confront her with what she’s found. DD deserves privacy and respect.

Yeah, I'm amazed too. Very odd "cool mum" thread.

She is 19, not 14. This isn't about being a 'cool mum' it's about giving her the time and respect she deserves.

It's not being a "cool mum" to respect your children's privacy when they're adults.

How would you feel if your DM started rifling through your bedroom bin?

I'd say nothing hopefully just a scare. You will find out if she wants you to know.

100% that. Can you imagine the resulting OP?
I didn't expect my young adult kids to go in my bedroom, either. It's simple respect for privacy.

It's hardly "rifling" through someone's bin to make sure the bedroom bins have been put out in your house! The DD lives in the OPs home. The test didn't sound at all hidden. If the DD is an adult needing this much privacy maybe it's time she moved out and got her own place.

And don't be so ridiculous. Of course this isn't the only possible scenario/way to approach this situation. Good grief

Are you sure it's her test?
Could one of her friends done a test at your house to avoid having to get rid of it at their house?
I'm a mum of 3 x dd's and this has happened before with friends using other houses to test.

Even if it is positive, she may not want to keep the baby and/or talk about it if that's what she decides.

I think we're getting way ahead of ourselves here with the 'I can't fund a grandchild' thoughts.

Are you for real? "This much privacy" like it's somehow an unreasonable level of privacy to expect not to be questioned about the contents of your bin?!

I don't understand all the differing views and advice that has you tying yourself up in knots about pretending not to know.

How about the truth? Dd, I was cleaning out your bin and I came across this wrapper. I didn't mean to invade your privacy so I just want you to know I'm here if you need me.... And then move on with your day. She's an adult. She will decide what is right for her. Our job with adult children is to support. It's not our job to try and rule their life for them.