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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Found pregnancy test wrapper in DD bin

117 replies

WorrriedTemporarynamechanger · 30/12/2024 16:13

My DD19 is home from uni for Christmas. A few hours ago she left to spend two days with her boyfriend over New Year. I thought I would take the opportunity to do a quick clean up- dirty washing, glasses, quick clean of en suite.
Whilst cleaning the en suite, I emptied the bin and found the wrapper for a pregnancy test. I cannot see the actual text in the bin I emptied. I am really worried. Surely you only keep positive pregnancy tests not negative ones. She is not due home till Wednesday or Thursday. I can't talk ti her about it whilst she is away but am so worried. What would you do?

OP posts:
Jumell · 30/12/2024 17:52

God I'd say NOTHING !!

DuckDuckG00se · 30/12/2024 17:52

ThatMauveRaven · 30/12/2024 16:18

Say nothing. She’s an adult and I’m certain that she doesn’t want her mum snooping through her bin.

This.
Supporting her financially doesn't give you a say in whether she keeps the baby or not, should she be pregnant.

Re. Finances cross that bridge if and when you come to it but for now, keep your nose out, keep schtum and try not to worry.

titchy · 30/12/2024 17:55

If it's positive we will know in due course

Gosh how arrogant of you. If it was positive she'd probably terminate and not tell you anything about it.

saraclara · 30/12/2024 17:56

Christ all these people saying none of OPs business and she shouldn’t be in her room etc, do you actually have DDs that age!

Well I did. And a) I never intruded into my daughter's space without her knowledge and b) I absolutely would not have mentioned this to her. By accident I discovered, not a pregnancy test but something adjacent to that, and put it out of my mind pretty quickly. If she'd wanted to tell me, she would have.

Bettergetthebunker · 30/12/2024 17:59

Definitely do nothing. She’s 19, she can decide for herself if need be. She will know her financial situation.

pooballs · 30/12/2024 18:03

Say nothing.

I disagree with PPs that doing a test shows she’s definitely being irresponsible- I used to be really paranoid at that age and would often convince myself that I might be pregnant just because I was feeling sick or tired or my period hadn’t come on the exact day it was supposed to. I took tests on a few occasions when really I had nothing to worry about.

Violetparis · 30/12/2024 18:05

Going against most of the replies on this thread I would say something if it was my DD. I would say I was tidying up and found the empty wrapper. I would want to let my DD know that if she needed my help I would be there for her. 19 though classed as an adult is still very young.

TwinkleLights24 · 30/12/2024 18:05

I was pregnant at 18 and I didn’t think to speak to my mum straight away but she did ask me if I was pregnant and supported me from then.

I would ask my DD but we are able to talk about everything.

Thewrongdoor · 30/12/2024 18:11

I wouldn’t dream of going into my DDs’ rooms to tidy up. They would be furious.

CreationNat1on · 30/12/2024 18:13

Last time I did a preg test, last May, I threw it into the outside bin so my teenagers wouldn't find it (negative, of course).

MsCactus · 30/12/2024 18:15

It might be nothing - a negative test. Technically you're meant to take a pregnancy test every month on the mini pill, as most don't get periods on it, so there'd be no obvious sign if contraception failed.

She might just be doing that

oakleaffy · 30/12/2024 18:17

WorrriedTemporarynamechanger · 30/12/2024 16:38

@WeeWigglet That is a good point about the outside bin. I hadn't thought of that. All I could think was that she'd taken it to show bf which surely you'd only do with a positive test? Perhaps she took it to dispose of it more discreetly.

I once found something (Box and instructions ) in teenaged son’s bin - I mentioned it to a counsellor who said “Are you giving him enough privacy?
Counsellor was absolutely correct.

After that I NEVER. Emptied son’s bin!

oakleaffy · 30/12/2024 18:20

Thewrongdoor · 30/12/2024 18:11

I wouldn’t dream of going into my DDs’ rooms to tidy up. They would be furious.

I didn’t tidy up teens room, but I did used to empty the bin on bin day - I could do so without going in to the room as it was just inside the door.

Motheranddaughter · 30/12/2024 18:28

FrenchandSaunders · 30/12/2024 17:36

Christ all these people saying none of OPs business and she shouldn’t be in her room etc, do you actually have DDs that age!

It absolutely is her business if she’s financially supporting her DD. And it’s normal in my house to pop into DDs rooms for a quick clean or grab some glasses etc.

Even if she does end up with a baby and financially independent I bet she’d rely on OP doing some childcare. Add in the fact it’s a fairly casual relationship by the sounds of it and yes id be very worried.

Yes I do /did and would have said nothing
I would have been worried , but would have respected their privacy

Rewis · 30/12/2024 18:29

When I was s young adult and used protection every time I had sex. I would take quite regular pregnancy tests. My periods were irregular and I was very worried being pregnant, not knowing and not having options. Same after I got on the pill and got regular periods. If it was a day late. Pregnancy test. So honeslty, I wouldn't be worried about having to financially support a grandchild just yet. If it was positive, you'll find out soon enough.

yoshiro · 30/12/2024 18:35

24F here. I wouldn't worry at all. I think she's probably done one to be safe and ontop of it. I do them 4 times a year even though I'm on the injection because I don't think you can ever be too safe. Universities also hand stuff like that out so she could have even been given one and just done it for the sake of it. Either way I think the fact that she's done one shows that she's being responsible. She may have even just hid the test because she knows you tidy her room. It may freak her out if you bring it up so I just think it's best to trust her to make her own adult decisions. Very few 19 year olds want to have kids young and are up for the challenge, try not to worry!

Spiderlover · 30/12/2024 18:36

Don’t say anything, although I can appreciate how you are feeling. Lots of women take a pregnancy tests even when using contraception. On at least a couple of occasions, I’ve experienced some odd pregnancy-like symptoms and it left me wondering/worrying that contraception had failed, so I took tests to reassure myself it hadn’t.

And even if she is pregnant, then whatever she decides to do needs to be her decision. You don’t want to end up in a situation where a conversation that you start with her (as opposed to her choosing to approach you for advice) pushes her into a decision she may later regret, and perhaps blame you for.

MissDoubleU · 30/12/2024 18:55

“Financially” she may not be an independent adult BUT “medically” she is. If she has found herself pregnant this is a private medical matter until she tells you. IF she tells you she is pregnant and keeping it THEN you have every right to worry about how this may be a financial bereavement for you.

Give her space and she will talk to you about this when she is ready. This is (or isn’t) happening to her. It is her business alone.

leftorrightnow · 30/12/2024 18:56

Don’t say anything. It’s her business. If she really is pregnant, you’ll know soon enough.
on a side note, she’s remarkably chill about things, I remember taking pregnancy tests at home at that age (and later too) and I was always very careful to take tests and wrappers and dispose of them somewhere else.

Darby3785 · 30/12/2024 19:02

As much as you want to talk to her about this. I wouldn't.
She is a young woman, and i'm sure she will come to you when she is ready if the test was positive.

SnapdragonToadflax · 30/12/2024 19:02

RealGreyOrca · 30/12/2024 16:31

I think you’d be crossing a boundary by bringing it up. Otherwise if she’s switched on she might see that you emptied the bin and put two and two together. Pretty irresponsible 19 year old if she knows how much you are financially supporting her studies only for her to go and get pregnant. I made sure I took contraception at that age, given that it’s something like 98% affective, she either wants to get pregnant or otherwise was being irresponsible.

I took pregnancy tests at that age to make doubly sure I wasn't pregnant, as well as being on contraception. I would have had an abortion, so needed to know asap.

MissDoubleU · 30/12/2024 19:07

SnapdragonToadflax · 30/12/2024 19:02

I took pregnancy tests at that age to make doubly sure I wasn't pregnant, as well as being on contraception. I would have had an abortion, so needed to know asap.

Show quote history

100% - it is recommended to do this on contraceptions which stop you having a bleed. A friend of mine got pregnant because she assumed her contraception was working and stopping her periods, but had actually failed. She was forced to have the baby because she had no idea until she was too far along. It was a very traumatic experience.

Taking routine pregnancy tests is never a bad idea.

TaupePanda · 30/12/2024 19:10

There's no background on your relationship with her, other than you are financially generous. So, is this something she would discuss with you? It's not your right to know - that's a trust you would have earned throughout her lifetime. Do you hold conservative views that she might be worried about - you certainly seem to assume she'd keep the baby if she were pregnant. Perhaps she would rather terminate and doesn't want anyone trying to talk her round. In which she'd be mortified if you say anything.
And maybe it's negative. And it isn't anything to be worried about.
I guess the main thing here is to be clear about boundaries if she is pregnant and wants it. If you don't want to be saddled with the cost of a grandchild then you need to be clear about that so she has time to research her options and get her act together. That's something for you to think about and have a ready answer if the time comes. Otherwise, I think you should just leave it.

LostittoBostik · 30/12/2024 19:12

If it's a positive test she might seek a termination without sharing that information with you - as is her right. Just assume it was negative until she talks to you. It's just as likely that she didn't put the (negative) test in the actual bin because she didn't want you to find it. Ironically.

saraclara · 30/12/2024 19:19

For goodness sake, you can buy tests in Poundland and Tesco now. They're cheap as chips. If I was that age and sexually active, I'd probably buy one every month, just to be certain.

It's not like in our day when the things cost a lot of money and you could only get them in Boots, so you'd only buy them if you actually thought you were pregnant.