DD is becoming a nightmare made a right scene at doctors today

[BluntSheep]

DD 15.Its like my once sweet little girl has just changed overnight and had a complete personality transplant.

She has started to become a very impatient, opinionated and borderline rude individual.

Was at doctors today as she was experiencing some sensitive issues and she made a right scene in the place because apparently the Doc kept asking irrelevant questions and was implying that she "didn't believe her" to certain questions and was repeating them. She stormed out said your really not good at your job and demanded another doctor. I was so embarrassed I just froze everyone was staring at me.

I don't know what to do will she grow out of this is it just a phase or do I need to take action and get real tough with her.

@BluntSheep ,

‘She did not verbally abuse anyone. She said I'm done here thank you and stormed out and just said you know you’re not really good at your job.’

Umm, I think telling someone loudly in front of other clients that they aren’t good at their job would definitely classify as verbal abuse. How would you like a client (of any description) to do that to you when you were doing your best?

This is not assertiveness, this is rudeness. Part of growing up and maturity is learning how to make your complaints heard. Because it's very unlikely the doctor will have some sort of epiphany from this- more likely she will just mark it down as just another rude teenager.
But I am worried that something has happened/ is happening with your daughter. Was the GP asking her questions about sex for instance? Because I would be concerned she has been assaulted or is pregnant- if there has been such a dramatic change in behaviour. You need to talk to her when she is calm (not always easy at this age)

She never shouted/raised her voice

Saying 'you know you aren't good at your job" is abusive OP.

It would be interesting to know what she wanted and didn't get from the GP. Or what question she didn't like.

So it wasn’t a right scene.

That’s completely incongruent with your thread title…

There's no excuse for rudeness and such a lack of respect for someone far more qualified and experienced than she is.

I am an older female who has been a patient and has worked in a GP surgery so understand both sides but there is no excuse for rudeness from either point.
Women do get overlooked and not listened to but this is not the way to be seen and heard. At 15 she will not have the understanding of why the doctor may have needed to know the answers to those questions.
I think all you can do is reiterate that her behaviour embarrassed you and, if she thinks she is mature enough to deal with sensitive issues like doctors appointments alone, she needs to be able to deal with setbacks assertively but without rudeness

Also had a LOT of contact with the NHS. Some have been really wonderful. But I've also had doctor and nurses literally talking over me (about their holidays) when I was trying to tell them something was going wrong. Thank god the consultant came in at that point and sorted them out.
My mum died of cancer after months of being fobbed off and not being sent for the x-ray that might have saved her.
My DC who has ME, once had a GP who didn't believe that ME is a real illness.
See also the average length of time it takes to get a diagnosis for endometriosis. See also the state of maternity units all over the UK. See also the missed diagnoses of heart attacks, autism, ADHD, etc, etc, in women and girls because they don't present in the same way as men.
That's why.

Can believe how many posters are praising this kid for their behaviour. I'd be ashamed if one of my teens treated ANYONE like this. It's fine to disagree and ask for a second, third, even fourth opinion, but to shout, storm out, not ok unless assaulted or sexually harassed, in which case, scream the house down.
Tell me, as adults, do you all think it's fine to go round shouting at Doctors, teachers, shop assistants etc if you don't get what you want? Do you also think it's fine people shouting at you?

And how is it so many people confuse the two?

It’s an approach to life that seems to be everywhere apparent at the moment. MN is not only no exception but a positive hotbed of it.

When I see people behaving like op’s DD ( and I don’t mean that harshly op; she’s 15 in a world of confusing messages) I don’t think “what an empowered woman who is socking it to the patriarchy and every other type of injustice.” I think “that woman is panicking, and feeling scared and fundamentally impotent to the point she has totally lost it.” It actually comes across as desperate, not as being in control, like rats who hiss and bite when cornered.

DD absolutely is right to trust her instincts and prioritise her health if she felt she was not being listened to. But she didn’t need to explode or insult anyone to do that. All she needed to do was to determine not to accept that approach and to make another appointment with someone else for a second opinion. Job done. She could even have done this “ sotto voce.” That wouldn’t have detracted from the fact she was advocating for her health at all. It may even have made her seem more rational and compelling.

I completely agree with the poster above who said that schools need to be teaching oratory, and not necessarily the grand, public speaking variety, but the simple skill of expressing oneself and advocating for oneself without needing to resort to insults, vulgarities or shouting.

Shouty, aggressive people win battles but not wars. A quiet strength and determination would serve them far better. Outbursts and making a scene ( or, for that matter, someone digging her toes in over something that really doesn’t matter except for the fact she wants to show she can resist) is not the manifestation of an empowered woman; it’s a frightened person with zero advocacy skills. There is another demographic who behaves like that to show how grown up and independent they are: they are called toddlers.

GPs are utterly shite just now to be honest. An absolute masterclass in being fobbed off.

Surprised more people don’t do what your daughter did.

What a 15 yrvold old and in fact a lot of mnetters think is inappropriate is quite possibly a doctor doing there job....
Especially if it's "sensitive issues" I presume periods or sexual health. I'm a GP and have to ask all sorts of things that patients might not think are relevant... believe me I don't have time to be asking unnecessary questions.
But on MN there is belief that most doctors are useless,or predatory or gas lighting.
Even if the doctor wasn't handling the consult well your DD was extremely rude and childish.
This behaviour shouldn't be applauded..if she behaved like this in school because she thought she knew better than a teacher would people be saying "well done".
Time to teach her that is not the way to behave even when you think your not getting good service.
BTW ..maybe ask her what the doctor was asking ?

She didn’t shout or raise her voice.

I’ve had a female GP dismiss my endometriosis as being dramatic - 50% of the population have periods and she never had any pain.

I’ve had another ask me what sexual positions I found more comfortable when discussing period pain and asking if I had a boyfriend who could give me an ‘orgasm’ as that would help for the pain again with endometriosis appointment - wtf?

she left and didn’t shout and asked to see another gp - wish I had her courage when I was 25 never mind 15!

This OP is not about you, although maybe start another thread to compare injustices.

Many GPs are suddenly not good at their jobs. This has been an issue since covid.

This. How is she behaving now, OP? If she's embarrassed and worried about her behaviour that would be a good sign that she knows she's behaved badly. If she thinks she behaved okay, it would be a real cause for concern.

@Theredjellybean ,

‘If she behaved like this in school because she thought she knew better than a teacher would people be saying "well done".’

Unfortunately, yes, just read some of the threads on here!

That is the problem with culture today, there is little to no respect to education or experience but undue respect given to ‘brave’ opinions if you are regarded as in the least bit ‘oppressed’, regardless of a complete lack of reason behind the opinions.

No. It's bluntly phrased feedback. The doctor should listen. They're human. Not perfect. I said much worse to a doctor who insisted I had SAD and needed antidepressants when I was 18 and had a very obvious raging chest infection.

I've never known them to be good.

👏👏👏👏

Thats exactly the issue.

How did she cause a scene if she didn't raise her voice? It sounds like she was advocating for herself when she didn't feel a doctor was listening.

Good for her.

Yes, this.

I had a terrible GP when I was a teenager (through to the occasional visit in my 20’s).

He: refused to accept I was in significant pain all the time (turns out I have a genetic disorder and 2 chronic illnesses, I’m now a wheelchair user and significantly disabled),

and

Refused to accept I didn’t just have a mild stomach ache (turned out to be campylobacter)

Amongst general other bollocks.

I wish I’d told him to get to fuck instead of being polite, respectful and continuing to suffer.

There’s a reason for every behaviour.
Yes, teens often seem as if they had a personality transplant overnight but it’s worth looking for underlying reasons.
Is she in pain? Heavy periods depleting her iron? Thyroid problem? Bullying at school or online? Worried her symptoms indicate a serious illness she’s been googling?
Start teaching her “ don’t get mad, get what you need” strategies. Set sentences that help in different situations.There are ways to get you to what you want and need and ways to just piss someone off.

@PennyCrayon1 ...thanks for the blunt feedback.
Really hope you don't need a GP anytime soon

Being able to scream the house down when truly necessary isn't something you can do if you've been trained out of using your voice to speak up. So many women have freeze fawn or flop responses because they've learnt speaking up brings more punishment.