DD is becoming a nightmare made a right scene at doctors today

[BluntSheep]

DD 15.Its like my once sweet little girl has just changed overnight and had a complete personality transplant.

She has started to become a very impatient, opinionated and borderline rude individual.

Was at doctors today as she was experiencing some sensitive issues and she made a right scene in the place because apparently the Doc kept asking irrelevant questions and was implying that she "didn't believe her" to certain questions and was repeating them. She stormed out said your really not good at your job and demanded another doctor. I was so embarrassed I just froze everyone was staring at me.

I don't know what to do will she grow out of this is it just a phase or do I need to take action and get real tough with her.

My 17yo attended a GP appointment yesterday, I couldn't attend so her step mother went with her. She absolutely would not have wanted to go alone about the issues she had. Not all young adults or mature adults want to attend appointments alone. Just because it was ok for you don't mean it's the same for everyone

Exactly what I was thinking!! It even SOUNDS like it incorporates my symptoms!

All you people saying "good for her" WTAF!!!!
Shocking!!
If that's your attitude, no wonder we have so many feral kids. Ffs

She’s unlikely to get a job of any description with her attitude

To the person saying it's not abuse - I agree the word is bandied about (every ex is abusive apparently), but in this case someone is doing their job. They cannot shout back, they are in a confined space with someone who is shouting at them, their role is as a doctor - and this is being abused by someone. And OP's DD won't be the only one. This will happen over and over again, day after day with people who think it's fine. Some of them might come in with family so you have two of them screaming at you. Some will threaten you. The OP's DD stormed out - we don't know the details of her "scene". But it would have been stressful and upsetting for the doctor. So I'd say it is abuse.

Just seen another thread - first post "go to GP and get signed off with stress". So much for GPs being highly trained medical professionals.
We will get the service we deserve in the end, sadly.

I am staggered by the number of posters who seem to believe the only two options are a 15 yo giving rude (it absolutely was rude) ‘feedback’ to a professional and storming out making a scene, or sitting meekly there and not asserting herself at all. I never allow myself to be walked over by medical professionals, but neither do I behave rudely.

It sounds like she is not mature enough to manage this situation on her own. If you go to the dr for a sensitive matter they are going to ask personal questions. My DD 18 has only recently started attending the GP on her own and had a problem with her cycle. Before she went I gave her an indication of the kinds of questions the dr would ask and emphasised how important it is to be honest as they are solely there to help, not judge.

You obviously don’t appreciate that asking what sexual positions you find more comfortable is a very good question, as the answer can give useful information about the cause of your period pain. But no, you just want to assume the dr asked for his/her own perverted gratification? No wonder doctors don’t want to be GPs.

Your daughter may have had good reason to be angry , we don't know. Even if she I did I disagree with the people saying "Well done" to her for being rude to the doctor and storming out.
It's probably better that she tried to stand up for herself than internalised it and became upset but she needs a bit of coaching to deal with a situation like this more effectively.
There's a middle way between the deference many of us were taught as teenagers and the rudeness that is being encouraged these days. We're heading for a very unpleasant society.
I would have said to the doctor that I had come in feeling nervous about a sensitive matter and I was feeling that they were dismissing me and then seen how it went from there. If it had continued I would have arranged to see a someone else.
An outburst doesn't tend to be effective anyway.
I would use it as a teaching point OP and, if she will, try to take her out on your own a few times and see if she will tell you anything about what's going on for her and why she seems so angry and stressed.
I think the post by the psychologist was excellent.

Except she wasn’t shouting or screaming.

She didn’t raise her voice at all from the OPs posts.

O also don’t like being a patient anymore .

Asking questions about her sexual history, despite saying she wasn't sexually active. The question kept being repeated multiple times as if the answer wasn't believed for whatever reason. Also separate health questions were asked that seemed irrelevant to the issue at hand

Ok - she didn't raise her voice. Apologies. I'd understood OP had heard this from the waiting room. But believe me plenty do raise their voices. And being told "You're not good at your job" . But anyway - got to go (to work... Not as a GP but somewhere where people will shout at me, call me a liar and tell me they know better... )
I do hope your DD gets her health problem resolved OP.

I don’t think a 15yo is in a position to determine which questions are relevant. Just answering them is the mature way to approach that.

re her sexual history I think a lot of teenagers will not tell the truth as they are embarrassed. Perhaps just give her some suggested phrases to use along the lines of ‘I understand this is important and I promise you I am telling the truth’.

None of this justifies telling someone they are bad at their job. It’s ok to be embarrassed but lashing out is not acceptable.

When I was 15 I went to the GP after suffering excruciating pains in my joints and my ankles giving away randomly.

The GP asked me if I sexually active (no) and asked me if I had any tingling in my breasts whilst making movement with his hands that looked like groping motions.

I was so uncomfortable and embarrassed I quietly left, and never mentioned my joints again, quietly suffering until my 30s.

I have only recently been diagnosed with joint hypermobility and have muscle wastage due to the the ligaments and muscles not working together properly. I need intensive physio to correct the problems which had they been picked up by a GP that wasn't obsessed with trying to delve into the sex lives of teens.

At 15 I knew those questions were irrelevant and inappropriate.

@ToBeOrNotToBee Im very sorry you had that experience. In this instance the OP’s DD went to the dr to discuss a sensitive matter so it sounds like questions about sexual history absolutely are relevant.

While there are doctors who behave inappropriately just as in every walk of life, I don’t think we should be teaching our teens to treat all of them with disdain.

they can be just as awful and dismissive.

Asking if you are sexually active is in fact relevant for joint pain - reactive arthritis. An inflammatory arthritis in response an infection in another part of the body, often an STI. This condition is more common in younger people. Perhaps the doctor was screening for this?

I am not sure what he could be screening for with the breast questions. I am just highlighting that although a question may seem totally irrelevant it may be important.

That’s exactly what happened to me at age 16!

Im in my 30s now and I remember it like it was yesterday. It was humiliating and to be accused of lying was so horrible. It felt like the one profession you should always trust suddenly became untrustworthy.

Humiliation is one of the most strongly felt emotions we have. It does a lot of damage to us. You only have to google “neurology humiliation” to see what happens to us.

“Brain response
When faced with shame, the brain activates the sympathetic nervous system, which generates the fight/flight/freeze response. The freeze response can make it difficult to think clearly, which can lead to the belief that you are stuck in a situation where you have no power”

No wonder she reacted how she reacted.

Horrible situation all round.

Well she kept saying to her that she was mistaken and she must have dropped something on it. I’d call that gaslighting - the nurse was determined to make the situation fit her narrative 🤷‍♀️

No, that’s really not what gaslighting is. Gaslighting is a very specific type of pervasive abusive behaviour designed to psychologically undermine the victim and to gain control over them. It’s intentional psychological manipulation and really harmful behaviour. Calling innocuous if annoying interactions gaslighting is really unhelpful for people who are actual victims.

They probably didn’t believe her.

Ive lost count of the number of doctors who haven’t believed I don’t sleep with men (therefore I’m not pregnant)- this disbelief is totally normal for gay women. The endless “yes but what about men?” as if you are suddenly going to remember that you aren’t actually a raving dyke and happily married to a woman, and instead were shagging the postie and the bloke next door.

Then when I WAS pregnant they didn’t believe the dates I gave and insisted I was 2+ weeks further along than I was 🤦‍♀️.

Its like talking to a brick wall.

I'm not in the least bit surprised she was upset.

I would struggle to field that as a grown woman. I would be able to do it but I would feel a strong amount of anger that I wouldn't have had the skills to control as a teenager.

For those saying this is a GP bashing thread, alas it's lived experience. I had a GP once insist I was fine when I was on my nth call to them begging for help. My heart wasn't working properly and I could have died. I didn't have the strength to make a fuss and got weaker and weaker until I ended up in hospital on a machine going beeeeeep and it all going black before my eyes. I thought I would never see my very young baby again!

I wish that was the extent of the medical gaslighting I've received, but that's only one of the worst stories.

I've had doctors not believing certain aspects of my sexual history at 37 and it has both annoyed and upset me when they've kept prodding and prodding, hoping I'll change my answers. So, I can totally see why a 15-year-old girl might have got upset., and maybe not reacted ideally.

it's actually pretty rude and insulting to not be believed in this way. If doctors have to ask these kinds of questions to young people, then they should make time to explain why they need to ask and why they need an honest answer, and then believe the patient.

Bottomline for me.

I'm 46 and won't go to an appointment alone given the treatment I'd had in the past and how much better I'm respected when I'm with someone else.

Same!