DS’s girlfriend is pregnant.

[Mondayblues6]

DS is 17 years old and his girlfriend is 16. They have been sleeping together a few months. I talked to him about contraception but he told me his girlfriend was not keen keen to go on the pill but they used condoms. Today he he told me that his girlfriend is 6 weeks pregnant. They are both very upset. They have already told his girlfriend’s mum and she has arranged for her to have an abortion. My son’s girlfriend is so upset that she will never get over this and that she is doing the wrong thing. My son is being very supportive and has told his girlfriend that he will support any decision she makes. My son is so sad and responsible that this happened. I have given him a hig and told him I will be there for them both. What else can I do?

No but if you are pro choice than it works both ways they should be allowed to make their own choice.

This.

It ruins childhoods to be parents so young.

Chances are they will not be together in future {who stays with their first partner?}
People change so much between 16 and 26 especially.

Such an early termination isn't even a ''baby'' it's just cells.

That's such a tough situation for 2 young kids to be in -and great that they have supportive parents.

Clearly they shouldn't be 'pushed' into any decision. She needs to be encouraged to consider the full ramifications of having the baby.

Dd had a termination at 19, she was sad, as was her bf but it was the right thing for them.
They'd been together four years then and are still together now, three years later.

Sad all round but hopefully with supportive parents this can be a bit of a lesson to both of them to treat contraception seriously. All you can do at this stage is be supportive of DS and make it clear that adult decisions (sex without proper contraception) have adult consequences (pregnancy). I feel for his poor girlfriend, this will be a difficult time for her particularly.

Bringing the fact that it is her grandchild is so not the right thing to do. Why would you add that level of guilt to the conversation? The last thing this young man and his girlfriend need is to have to consider other people's feelings in this at all. The 'implications' for anybody else are not important at this moment in time. Take it from one who had to deal with this kind of thing from her own mother when she was deal with a similar situation - being made aware of how other it affects other people is not helpful and not needed.

She does have a choice - yes her age and many many other things will be a barrier, but it is do-able.
However she does need to know the reality of how hard it will be, and will always be - as a young mum.

Choices made now will echo through her life, in ten, twenty years when she gets asked 'oh so how old were you when you had your child?'

I am not saying they are in any ideal shape to do this but they do need know the realities of being teen parents and that she could end up resenting her own mother if she feels pushed in to this

I was pregnant as a teenager. The father should have been in prison, say no more / he wasn't around

My mother tried to heavily coherse me into abortion and rang around private clinics and even booked me one without my consent - i told her no and she asked me to leave the house the same day - she said she felt concerned she didn't want a screaming baby around.

Sitting alone in the homeless unit of the local council aged 16 is no joke.

I lost touch with everything and everyone I knew. Whilst my friends were going on to sixth form / working summer jobs in ibiza, I was stuck at home changing nappies

Reality was, no one wanted to help with childcare so couldn't get a 'real' job (other than a couple of working from home roles for pennies) - until my kid went to school. Then I was very limited to working during school hours

And that is how it was until my kid was a much older child.

It is a decision she makes now that will affect every aspect of her life forever

So many more women regret abortions than people realise, even the very young ones. I hope she is being given a choice. A genuine choice, not pretending it's a choice but actually making it clear that her life is destroyed if she doesn't have an abortion.

Pretty monumental mistake, though. It's about the biggest fuck-up one can make as a teenager. I wouldn't throw them out but letting them know that one is disappointed in them, and expects more care going forward, is not unreasonable. Patting people on the head and minimizing how drastic some mistakes can be is not helping them.

Agree with a pp that OP should outline (whether or not the abortion takes place) the costs and duties involved in rearing a child. How does the teen think he is going to afford diapers, childcare, etc. and still achieve his own goals in life?

Better to regret an abortion than a child. Teenagers having babies isn't a decision that should be made on emotions alone.

mention that it is in fact your grandchild

Do not do this.

It should play no part in her decision.

And many do not. I had an abortion at 21 and 40 years later remain grateful that safe termination was available to me. Otherwise I don't give it another thought. It was little more than a "late period" to me, albeit one that was induced.

Hundreds of millions of miscarriages and abortions occur every year; out bodies were not designed to carry every fertilized egg to the ultimate fruition. Ridding oneself of a pregnancy is normal and non-tragic.

That’s neither here nor there. It’s her body and her choice. There really is nothing else to be said about it.

OP, there isn’t much else you can do other than be supportive of them both, whichever decision they make.

Agreed- Mothers of teen sons really need to ram home the importance of contraception.
It does have an impact on boys if their girlfriend gets pregnant.

Young women are often very fertile, and can get pregnant very easily.

Condoms and the pill is the safest.

Is is definitely ''his'' child? - The bad old days of Jeremy Kyle sometimes had DNA tests done where the 'dad' was not in fact the parent, despite the woman swearing blind she hadn't had sex with anyone else.

''Grandchildren'' are neither here nor there- and shouldn't be mentioned.

Pretty sure the ops son and his gf are happy their parents are like they are and haven't got your awful attitude.

They're aware it's a fuck up. Jesus.

Some posters have mentioned that condoms are very effective when used correctly, but as the Mum of teenagers myself, I would still encourage them to double up on contraception in the future, simply because they’re SO fertile at this age. His gf can speak to her doctor about the various options and try different ones.

I doubled up on contraception into my early 20’s and I’ve advised my DD (19) to do the same. I used the Pill and condoms, I believe DD is doing the same.

Many teenagers manage to make it work and are good parents, even if they weren’t prepared. My friend got pregnant at 15 and her son is a lovely young man now, polite and conscientious and about to start his first year of uni.

Just support them OP and make sure they know you’re in their corner whatever they choose. There’s lots of moments where teenagers have to make a decision that could have a lifelong impact, having support whilst they navigate that makes a huge difference.

But this decision DOES affect other people, from their parents to the costs and burdens it would place on the rest of society.

Pretending that "my body my choice" has no other ramifications is disingenuous at best, manipulative at worst. The production of another human being by too-young, totally unprepared, uneducated and unemployable teenagers is a drastic error that WILL have long-range effects on everyone around them, and will add to society's costs.

Do you think the OP and the other parents won't get stuck helping with finance and logistics and childcare? There goes everyone's middle age and retirement years, when they should be prepping for their own older age. Instead their effort and money will be "supporting" the teens and their offspring. It will affect any future relationships these teens have, because the likelihood they will stick together is very, very low. It will affect siblings, extended family, etc.

OP and others likely to be affected have a perfect right to weigh in with all of the above concerns and more. People don't get to just forge on doing as they please without considering others.

I think you sound like a great parent and it's great your son felt able to tell you.
I had an abortion at 19 and never told my mum because I knew she would be judgy and disappointed whatever I did. She never spoke to me about contraception, sex, periods, any of it.
I'm still with the same partner 17 years later and we now have children. I've never regretted my decision once as it was the right thing to do at the time, but sure occasionally I think what if.
I hope when my kids are older they will also feel able to talk to me about things like this.

Wow. What a terrible attitude.

Supporting them but also gently reminding them about the seriousness of the situation are not mutually exclusive. Support and guidance must happen first. There is plenty of time for offering advice at a later date.

NEVER rely on just condoms. That was drummed into me as a teen in the 90s. If a pregnancy would be a disaster for you, always double up. Condom to protect against STDs. Some other sort of contraception as well - pill, coil, injection, cap, etc. If this doesn't suit and you don't want a child/abortion then don't have sex until you CAN cope with one of these options.

There is more to be said, like "How do you plan to support yourselves? Do you know how much childcare costs? Are you prepared to forego uni and be a low-wage worker your whole life? How do you feel about prolonged sleep deprivation? What are you going to do if the child has special needs?" and about 1,000 other questions.

Allowing everyone to be held hostage to a few cells the size of a grain of rice without raising these crucial questions would be a dereliction of parental duty.

Not if she and he together can't support a child it isn't.

It takes a strong person to deal with that - that's how my mother presented the choice to me. Like my life was destroyed if i proceeded
I felt she punished me for years afterwards

There is plenty of time for offering advice at a later date.

That's madness. So wait until it's too late and she can raise a baby or have the baby adopted and then offer some advice?