DS’s girlfriend is pregnant.

[Mondayblues6]

DS is 17 years old and his girlfriend is 16. They have been sleeping together a few months. I talked to him about contraception but he told me his girlfriend was not keen keen to go on the pill but they used condoms. Today he he told me that his girlfriend is 6 weeks pregnant. They are both very upset. They have already told his girlfriend’s mum and she has arranged for her to have an abortion. My son’s girlfriend is so upset that she will never get over this and that she is doing the wrong thing. My son is being very supportive and has told his girlfriend that he will support any decision she makes. My son is so sad and responsible that this happened. I have given him a hig and told him I will be there for them both. What else can I do?

I have a different view because I am a catholic..

If they were 13/14 then I understand but they are both of consenting age….

They just need to accept the responsibility and you need to support..

Christ. I know the op won't, but what daft advice.

I'm Catholic too.

Thankfully it's no longer the BC age

It’s perfectly legal to go to another state to get an abortion if it’s illegal where you live. I agree, it shouldn’t come to this but I know someone who did it. She was quite matter of fact about it, which surprised me. Just drove to the next state.

My niece had a termination at 15. It is a tough time for sure, especially when so many well meaning people she looked for actual advice from sat on the fence with the good old "its your decision, I'll support you whatever you decide".

She is only a child herself, she needs to know the reality of having a baby at this age. If she is then still up for it fair enough.

My niece told me years later she was really grateful I told her "its your decision, I'll support you whatever you decide, but I think you should really consider terminating because........." . She felt everyone was not giving her their opinions as they would judge her if she did terminate, she needed the confidence and support it was ok to do that.

I had my first at 15 as much as i love her it wasn't great she missed out on a lot as I couldn't provide properly for her financially or emotionally and she had no stability. I wouldn't want that life for my daughter or future grandchild

The OP has confirmed that the Gf has made her own decision and notbeen coerced.

Guilt tripping, as you advocate, is emotionally abusive.
Interfering in the way you suggest would almost certainly damage the relationship between the OP and her Ds.

If I was the Gf or her parents I would give you a mouthful for such guilt tripping coercive intervention.

You probably think you are all about kindness and good. I do not agree.

All of this.

No one seems to think of the baby in these circumstances. They think of the mom, and the fetus, but not the future child who usually grows up in poverty to immature parents.

What the fuck are you wittering on about?

The OP has made no indication at all that she wants the GF to keep the pregnancy. (It's a few cells right now, not a "baby" as pro lifers always like to use).

We do have the absolute right to decide if we as women wish to go through the dangers of pregnancy and birth and then the huge financial and emotional implications of raising a child to adulthood.

All the churchy preachy nonsense about "precious life" doesn't change the facts they are too young to be adequate parents and this is the best decision for them.

It's all very well saying 'its her decision, let her make it herself' but this assumes she has all the information she requires to make that decision.

She doesn't, and she cannot, because she is 16.

To my mind and with the hindsight of being 19 and thoroughly unprepared and pregnant (which ended in a miscarriage) - better an abortion you regret, than a child you regret.

Yes, regretting or even not regretting just living with that decision, is hard.

But living with, raising, loving and caring for a child you now regret, weren't prepared for, weren't equipped to raise... thats MUCH much harder. And being that child... yeah thats horrible to live with.

Having an abortion is horrible now, but compared to a child you don't want and struggle to raise (even if you come to love them as many will) is long term hardship for everyone.

Kids in this situation want a reset button, a 'back to normality' and there isn't one, you can't rewind the clock and neither of the available options are anywhere close to it.

So whilst she shouldn't be bullied, she should be strongly supported to have an abortion and she should have someone explaining to her very clearly and possibly a little bluntly just HOW hard raising a baby will be and how thats going to totally alter her plans.

My husband and his sister both had kids young. 19 and just turned 18.

It’s not been ideal but I don’t think it’s the ‘end of the world.’ SIL is getting there (single mum like you so financial independenfe has been tough) and my husband is in a place he’s happy now (financially). I think for a lot of young parents the love is there it’s the financial side that’s hard as can limit independence but the money can come down the road and after that you’re winning!

Perhaps those who can only see it as absolutely terrible have only seen bad examples.

It wouldn’t be what I’d do in OP’s position but @Lightoftheworld has stated she was in this position herself and she is fully entitled to her view on it. I don’t think “ daft advice” is fair when it comes down to different perspectives.

As I say, my perspective is that children require a huge amount of nurturing and many children come into this world into situations where their adults really aren’t in a position mentally, emotionally or financially to provide this, and that is not giving that young life a chance in a way that actually has more implications for them than abortion. BUT that’s just my view. Any of us could be wrong in our views.

For all the Pro Lifers who have recently joined this thread, I want you to know that I had a termination at 17, have not gone on to have other children and it remains one of the best decisions I have ever made. Zero regrets.

It would not have been ‘a gift’ or a ‘blessing’. Continuing the pregnancy would have tied me to a man and family I have absolutely nothing in common with and a life I have adored would have been nigh on impossible. Do not assume all women regret their choice to terminate.

OP, you seem to have done a brilliant job on your son - he’s supporting his GF in whatever decision she makes and is able to confide in you. He’ll do well.

Hope the next few weeks are stress free, whatever the outcome. Please do feel free to let GF know that whilst a regrettable situation, an abortion does not have to leave one riddled with guilt.

You don’t need to be 100% sure of an abortion but you do need to be 100% you want to bring a baby into this world.

I’ve always said to my DS that’s it’s more vital that he is careful with contraception than my DD. Whilst my DD getting pregnant as a teenager would be dreadful, at least she would have a choice as to whether she has a baby or not, boys don’t get that choice if mistakes happen.

Thank goodness the GF (with her mum’s help) is having an abortion. She will get over it in time.

No, it doesn't sound that way at all.

Do not provide info unless she asks you for info; she, like most people, will know what her alternatives are and doesn't need people throwing unasked for advice at her.

Yep. This is what I meant about how GF and the family members all have agency in different parts of this picture. There's no one person here who's got a choice about all of this.

The child is not here. It's a bunch of cells at the moment. That's like calling a ball of wool a jumper.

Make sure the girlfriend knows where to turn to get help and counselling, and also to see her GP. Ignore all the posters here saying “of course she should get an abortion”. If she would like to keep the baby that is her decision, and your sons. No one else can make the decision, and certainly not force the decision either way.

It is not right or fair that the woman has to take hormonal medication and the man doesn't.

Don't be ridiculous

It is not comparable.

Condoms need to be used in the heat of the moment, they can split, inexperience makes them less likely to be used effectively .

Op said they were using condoms. There should be a back up as well- but I'm sad that it is the woman that has to take the medication.

Sad for the woman and the man