DS’s girlfriend is pregnant.

[Mondayblues6]

DS is 17 years old and his girlfriend is 16. They have been sleeping together a few months. I talked to him about contraception but he told me his girlfriend was not keen keen to go on the pill but they used condoms. Today he he told me that his girlfriend is 6 weeks pregnant. They are both very upset. They have already told his girlfriend’s mum and she has arranged for her to have an abortion. My son’s girlfriend is so upset that she will never get over this and that she is doing the wrong thing. My son is being very supportive and has told his girlfriend that he will support any decision she makes. My son is so sad and responsible that this happened. I have given him a hig and told him I will be there for them both. What else can I do?

@AllHisCaterpillarFriends or make it so both people involved consent to keeping the baby. Why should a man pay for a baby he doesn't want (I'm sure my father didn't want me) just because a woman doesn't want to take the pills? We chose to keep the unplanned baby but it was very much a joint decision

Because once the child is born it is about supporting the child not the decisions of either of the parents.

A man is equally responsible for contraception and makes a free choice whether to have sex with a woman. If he doesn't know that woman well enough to know whether she is on hormonal contraception and taking it reliably to substantially reduce the risk of conception, that is a risk he accepts. There is always a risk of pg regardless of contraception and there is always the possibility a woman will not want to terminate.

It's a matter of great great regret. That said, a baby at 16......

Of course it's comparable. Condoms are 98% effective. Pill is 99.7% effective. If a woman doesn't want to get pregnant she needs to take the pill as intended. If a man doesn't want to get a woman pregnant he needs to learn to use a condom properly. A young man who isn't prepared to do this also couldn't be trusted to take a pill.

No. I do not agree with that at all.

I do think men are equally responsible and they should have equal access to a second form of contraception.

I don't get this train of thought.

As a woman I'd still take the pill, but him taking it as well would lessen the chances of pregnancy further.

My mother always told me "if you get pregnant as a teen, don't think I'll be looking after it, you'll have to move out and cope on your own". She also told me how hard SHE found it, having 2 kids as a married mum in her 30s. Not to mention how horrendous childbirth was. That's tough love.

I agree in theory.

In reality where would they live/work?

So the only option is abortion.

Not that I disagree with that either.

Because they would probably be mostly raising the baby/GC & daughter would be living with them?

Adoption is also an option.

Not a good one. We all know how messed up women are who were forced to give their babies up for adoption in the 50s and 60s, not to mention how traumatised their children are.

It's also a very unlikely one. The numbers of women who voluntarily carry to term and then choose to give their babies up for adoption in the UK is vanishingly small. Nothing wrong with mentioning it, but that doesn't mean it's practically on the table.

A miscarriage of a wanted pregnancy is a sad thing because it’s a loss for the woman and not what she wanted. An abortion is an unwanted pregnancy is a good thing if it’s what the woman wants.

It’s based on what the woman feels, not the status of the fetus.

Exactly. And sometimes a miscarriage is a relief - mine, if that’s what it was, definitely was.

Indeed! Miscarriages aren’t in fact a universally sad thing.

So the grandmother doesn't want to care for the baby and doesn't want the baby to be born and not cared for. That's yet another perfectly valid reason why the girl should abort.

Those saying "adoption" need to get real. Hormones dictate that the girl will likely not be able to go through with it.

I was sad about mine at the time, but it was for the best, my termination was definitely a relief.

um, NO. At 6 weeks it is NOT a big deal.

I can’t imagine the heartache of that.

According to the OP the girl is very upset, so to her, and many others, it IS a big deal.

How would that work if they wanted different things? Doesn’t make sense.

It’s a big deal because it’s part and parcel of the huge deal of being pregnant at 16.

He or she is already a human being. The “problem” is that s/he is alive and growing. If left alone s/he will continue to term. Abortion is the solution to that “problem”.

Why is problem in inverted commas? It is a problem. Only an idiot would think this situation wasn't a problem.

Oh God, are you back? It’s not a human being yet.

Of course s/he is human.
Humans conceive humans.
And his or her heart is beating, brain and organs are developing rapidly.
Yes s/he’s small, but s/he’s living and growing in this 16 year olds womb.