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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teen girls, all advice welcome

52 replies

Remotew · 19/04/2008 23:54

Been plucking up the courage to post about my DD 14. She is 5ft 3 and has finished growing and weighs 9 stone, just fitting into size 10. Loves her food and I've tried everything to help her keep her weight down. Basically she is all tits and arse and compared to her friends she is a heiffer.

Some have grown taller and all are skinny. I think that she feels embarrased about her figure and thats why she stays at home with me and isnt branching out into the teenage world of boys, fashion etc.

I was so different at her age, was out all the time looking for some action ect, so much so that I dont understand her. On the plus points she is pretty, lovely, caring and bright but I know she wants to fit in and would love attention from boys etc. but its not happening to her, just to her mates. Any advice?

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MissingMyHeels · 19/04/2008 23:58

5ft3 and size 10? Sounds like a great figure to me. As far as I recall teenage boys are fairly fond of tits and arse.

If she has confidence issues maybe one of those makeover and photo shoot things you can do? My Mum bought me one for my 16th birthday and to show me how good looked as I had suddenly lost all my puppy fat!

Am sure all her tall skinny friends have no boobs and are v.jealous. It's like everything, you always want what you haven't got.

Do you feel she is too fat? It sounds a bit like you may as you've been helping her keep her weight down?

islingtonponce · 19/04/2008 23:58

is she concerned about her weight / appearance? she will probably continue to change shape you know... if she is you should talk to her and help her with a healthy eating plan.
if she's not concerned you should let her be. she is herself and doesnt have to be the same as you were as a teenager you know.

Original poster
Remotew · 20/04/2008 00:11

I'm glad that she isnt like me as a teen tbh. But yes she does worry about her appearance but she loves her food more IFSWIM. TBH I think it's me that worries more and I do try to let her be but yes, she has a womens figure and she looks different to her mates and I know that it zapps her confidence to fit in and do the teenage things.

I think that its natural to branch out at this age but she prefers to stay at home and loves the company of adults in the family more than her friends.

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Original poster
Remotew · 20/04/2008 00:15

Missingmyheels, that's a wonderful idea the photoshoot. If finances ever permit I'd love to do that with DD.

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Original poster
Remotew · 20/04/2008 00:24

Bumping a bit, but will add that all her mates are size zero. I wonder how that happened when me and her dad are slimish and her friends mommas were much bigger.

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VictorianSqualor · 20/04/2008 00:27

is this your issue or hers?
you say that you 'feel' and you 'think' then go on to call your size ten daughter a heiffer and mention your own weight.
Sorry but it sounds like your issue not hers.

MissingMyHeels · 20/04/2008 00:29

eve - do she know how you feel about her weight/figure? If she has any inkling that you feel she is a heiffer compared to her friends or not as skinny as you were/are then it'll knock her for six.

A mothers opinion is SO important - more so than friends I think. My little sister is 15 and tiny, all of her friends are bigger than her and I know she doesn't think anything of it and gets so frustrated clothes shopping with them as they fit in "grown up" clothes. My sis is lucky to fit into a size 6.

Have you had any issues with food/weight etc before?

Psychomum5 · 20/04/2008 00:33

she sounds entirely normal weight and height to me...

I am 5ft 4 and 9st and entirely healthy (well, of sorts) so there is no way that your DD is a 'heifer'!

MY DD1 (also 14) is (as yet) only 5ft 1 and 6.5st......but all her friends are bigger than me!!! she feels really inadequate as she feels tiny, is made to feel tiny by her friends, and some even refer to her as cute and she is in fact older than them, even if by a couple of months.

what I am trying to say is....at 14, ther is no right and no wrong way to be,......they are all still growing and changing rapidly and whatever she is now may not be waht she is in even 6mths!!!! she may have finished 'growing', but she has in no way finished changing!

Bectheneck · 20/04/2008 00:34

I have two teenage DDs. Eldest is tall and skinny and youngest is petite and curvy with a little pot belly. I try and teach them to accept themselves as they are. My eldest will never have big boobs and youngest will never have a flat stomach. That's just the way they are made.

Saying she's a heiffer compared to her mates is hardly helpful. You probably wouldn't dream of saying it to her but they can pick up on these things.

Also eldest DD always out, started dating at 14, smokes, didn't do the work needed towards GCSEs all the usual teenage stuff and some I'd rather she didn't do.

Youngest now in year 10 (15 next month) but showing no signs of wanting to hang around street corners with mates, no boys in view, but seems to be happy with herself and quite confident. She is also good at wearing what suits her body shape i.e no skinny jeans just because everyone else wears them.

It's really hard not to compare them to each other or to what I was like as a teen but it's important to accept them the way they are. Tits and arse are good!

5'3 and size 10 is completely normal and I doubt she's finished growing yet. I thought it was more late teens that it finished?

nappyaddict · 20/04/2008 00:35

size 10/12 is not a heiffer!! most lads like figures like that if they are accompanied by tits and arse.

Original poster
Remotew · 20/04/2008 00:38

Thank you for pointing this out. I do feel as though it is a problem in my head and not hers. I dont know why I feel like this I've never had a weight problem. Always been slim.

It's just that this teenage size 0 thing is all the fashion atm and DD will never fit into this. Though who knows she may. I sometimes want to stop myself from saying ---- lets cut down on our unhealthy food then feel awful that I've mentioned it. But apparently its now pc to keep your kids of fattening foods so we dont know where we stand.

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VictorianSqualor · 20/04/2008 00:42

encourage her to be herself, individuality is a much nicer trait than following the crowd.

Psychomum5 · 20/04/2008 00:42

she is actually within the correct guideline for height and weight.....as her friends may also be if they are at the moment shorter than her.....just becuase they are 'sz 0' right now, it does not mean in any way that they will still be in 6mths time.

maybe they haven't finished growing yet??? I know MY DD hasn't.....and I think she wil keep growing for the next year at least! right now she too would fit into a sz0 (or maybe not, she is still in age 13 clothes), but next year she won;t be!

a year heralds a LOT of changes at this age!

nappyaddict · 20/04/2008 00:45

abouteve - if you think she eats unhealthily and this contributes to her slightly curvier figure then by all means start to eat more healthily but word it so it is for you not her

Original poster
Remotew · 20/04/2008 00:48

Of course I'd never say the heiffer thing to her. But if you saw her friends and how skinny they are, most of them try not to eat, I know when we go for a meal they try to get out of eating. It is the fashion and her friends make her feel bad anyway, calling her fat and ugly, which she is not.

It wasnt like that when I was her age. I was slim but this is a different age/planet where slim is beautiful.

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Original poster
Remotew · 20/04/2008 00:51

She does love her food, I've tried everything to buy healthy fruit in etc but if there is no pud she will get very grumpy and go to the co-op for some cake or choc. Bless her.

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nappyaddict · 20/04/2008 00:52

i would be happy she has a healthy attitude towards food and eating.

MissingMyHeels · 20/04/2008 00:52

Sounds like she needs some new friends if you ask me. Having a healthy normal sized DD is far better than having one who tries to avoid eating. That is not good in anyway shape or form and you certainly shouldn't want her to be like these girls.

nappyaddict · 20/04/2008 00:52

no need to not have pudding if the rest of the meal is healthy/not fattening.

snice · 20/04/2008 00:53

If her friends are calling her fat and ugly them clearly her main problem is she has terrible friends

Psychomum5 · 20/04/2008 00:54

I have to say that I feel very sad for girls in todays 'looks climate'....

like you say, thin is heralded to be the 'be all and end all' right now, and the thinner seems to means that you are better/brighter/more attractive/more successful etc etc

I so wish it could go bac to how it was when I was 14......there was none of this tryin to be sz0 crap....we all aimed to be 9s and sz10 (which your DD is!).

my DD's best friend is hating herself ASTM....she is gloriosly curvy, 9st or there abouts, sz10/12 depending on shop and type of clothing, yet has to where F cup bra's, bringing her to many teen boys attention, which she hates with a passion......all her friends are so jealous tho!!! (In a good way, especially my DD with her 30B bra's...seems they got shared out wrong instead of equal!!)

lou33 · 20/04/2008 00:56

i dont understand why you think she has the problem with her size, when she is a size 10?!

surely the size zeros are the one with the issues about weight?

nappyaddict · 20/04/2008 00:58

some are naturally size 6s though. i was at that age i couldn't help it. but if they are purposely not eating then yes they have unhealthy issues.

lou33 · 20/04/2008 01:01

yes i agree, i should have clarified that is what i meant

Original poster
Remotew · 20/04/2008 01:01

Thanks this is why I posted because I needed reassurance. She is an individual and tbh looks lovely, she's very mature. Her friends are nasty but she's been with them from nursery and doesnt want to break the friendships. I've told her that in a couple of years time they will all grow up to be nice young ladies and you will get your friends back.

This size zero is something scary though. Our teen girls are vulnerable to it. Be warned.

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