Teen girls, all advice welcome

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Been plucking up the courage to post about my DD 14. She is 5ft 3 and has finished growing and weighs 9 stone, just fitting into size 10. Loves her food and I've tried everything to help her keep her weight down. Basically she is all tits and arse and compared to her friends she is a heiffer.

Some have grown taller and all are skinny. I think that she feels embarrased about her figure and thats why she stays at home with me and isnt branching out into the teenage world of boys, fashion etc.

I was so different at her age, was out all the time looking for some action ect, so much so that I dont understand her. On the plus points she is pretty, lovely, caring and bright but I know she wants to fit in and would love attention from boys etc. but its not happening to her, just to her mates. Any advice?

don't bank on it. i have friends at age 21 who are still acting like 14 year olds

Yes, she does get negative attention re her boobs. I say you got it from your mama

they sound like a nasty bunch of jealous bitches tbh.
They want her knockers.

jealous girls all want one thing normally from there curvy friends......big boobs!!!

they may want to be a sz0, but they also want huge dolly parton'sk boobs too, and don;t realise that sometime just eating properly and healthily and being a normal weight for you size is what would do it naturally....

my daughter has had to fromt he other pov

she is 5ft 11 and a size 10, her friends were all shorter, curvier and way more developed than her#

they were the ones who were giving her a hard time, she had been friends with them for years

i reminded her that she was only friends with them out of habit, and hte fact that they had been thrown together through the circumstance of going to the same school

i also told her that when she has left school she will most likely never see them again, as friendships change, and encouraged her to find a group of friends that she actually got on with and were nice

she has a good base of friends now

has had it, i mean

sorry for the other typos

I bet they were jealous of your daughters height. This is the advice that I give to DD that they will all disperse by 6th form and she can find friends that she gets on better with then.

how do you know she has finished growing?Also don't call her a heiffer no matter what that is mean Sorry

Dpn't try and get her wieght down,0stone is a normal wieht for her age and height. If she wil go on a shopping trip with you just try and help her to get clothes that she will look good in.
She may not have stopped growing at 14 all three of my DD's grew a bit more after the age of 14, They are now 21,18 and 16.
Also my dd's didn't really do a lot of going out at 14 and that was fine with me.
What I'm basicaaly saying is just accept your DD for who she is and help her to accept herself

I think she's better off staying in with people who like her than going out with those nasty girls!

Groups of girls are really mean and usually need to have a permanent target to make themselves feel good about themselves. If this target is your DD I think it's safer for her to opt out for a while.

Have you read about "queenbees and wannabees"?

A study of girls' social interactions found that there is usually a "queenbee" who everyone admires and who parents also admire. She keeps her hands clean but eggs on (very subtly) the "wannabees" who cluster around her to victimise girls who are on the outside of the group. She remains safe and can also offer her sympathies to the victim, further hooking her in to be tormented!

Think about your own childhood - which one were you? "Queenbee"? "Wannabee?" Outsider?

I am not saying that girls are bad - it's just that when my dds were having problems with playground politics knowing some of this made them stronger. It has also helped me to point out when I thought they were in danger of being a "wannabee" when they seemed to be being manipulated into not liking someone who'd previosuly been in their group.

Teenage size o is not a good thing and your DD should not have to fit into this. As I have said before just acept her for herself.

She was an early developer and hasnt grown for about a year and a half so she may have stay at this height. I've read that the earlier the periods start the sooner they finish growing?

The heiffer comment was in comparision to her friends who are all very thin. Sorry.

My stepdaughter was a size 16 at 13, and seemed huge comapaerd to her peers.

DH did chat to her about the importance of a healthy diet, as she was eating all crap, and a lot of it.

She is now 15 and a size 12, and also taller - I htink she may have evend out anyway.

His concern was mainly that most of his family are heavily overweight, and her mum's family are heavily overweight also, os her genes were pushing her that way.

Interesting reading about the politics, Queenbee's etc. She's not a victim as she has her own strengths in the group of 7, that they others look up to. Think the parents appreciate it to.

The nasty comments have been made in an argument but there is one girl who bugs her about her shape and has always had a critical streak in her from being a small girl.

Thinking how I was. A bit of a drifter between groups. e.g had my nice friends at school but hung around with the rough ones at night up until the age of 14 when my school friends started socialising. I just couldnt stand being in the house at all whereas DD stays in.

I take her on shopping trips and often pick out clothes that I think will suit her as she trusts my judgement. Its only recently that she has shown any interest in clothes shopping before that she just wanted to spend her money on books. Which I've always encouraged, just ordered War and Peace today.

I was feeling a bit down last night as she was on her way to a friends birthday party. She does fluctuate by half a stone. She wore her new outfit that we'd bought a few week ago and it looked tighter on her. Then she said she didnt want to go as it will be boring!!

I'm going to stop giving in to buying cakes (I'm partial to them also) etc except as a treat and make sure we always have fruit in. And stop worrying as I said she looks lovely, just curvy.

My dd is 15, 5ft 4 weighs 9 stone plus and is a size 10 with a very curvy body. She is the same size as me but with bigger tits .. . people tell me I am slim so surely my daughter - and yours - should be told the same.

Little bit worried that you say " I wasn't like that at her age .. I was slim" ... SHE IS SLIM. YOu can't control her eating, you can give her support and encouragement that she has a lovely figure. Sounds to me like she has grown into her adult figure already where her friends are still not yet developed. I bet they won't be size 0 when they're 30 and had kids

I wouldn't talk to her about keeping her weight down at all. By all means, buy healthy food when you go shopping, but don't rub her nose into it.

And forget about what you looked like when you were her age, that is neither here nor there. She's not you- but she sounds lovely.

Not being popular with boys when you're 14 says nothing about what your life will be like when you grow up. If she is into books, she may well find that she blossoms socially when she gets to college or uni; that's what happened to me. Unis are wonderful things- they've got blokes there who are good-looking and have read War and Peace!

She doesnt do much out of school tbh. Except reads a lot. She likes to be included in adult social events where possible, dinners etc. Also signed up for DofE which I'm pleased about.

She does want to lose a bit of weight herself so its not just what I think. I've told her that she may level off naturally but I know it gets her down. Its mainly her bottom that she thinks is too big! She wants me to go out walking with her but I'm a bit of a couch potato. Perhaps I will now that winters over.

Eve- not read all the posts but... I'm 16, 5'4" and a curvy size 14. I'm seriously happy with my curvacious figure and am never lacking in attention from the opposite sex.

I think this has much more to do with attitude and confidence than it has to do with my shape... I have friends from teeny size 6's to size 22...

In my opinion your DD needs to Become totally happy with her own body shape to become more confident in herself which will shine through and affect the people around her, this will no doubt lead to more attenion from those that she wishes to gain it from.

You, by no means at all need to be encouraging her to lose weight as she is 5'3" and size 10. At 14 some of her friends may not have reached her point in development... I don't think size is the real issue here but, if you feel it is then your dd will feel it twice as much.

Again, in my opinion the influence of a young girl's mother is often more important to her than that of her friends.

Babiewabbit, Thank you for that. I've appreciated all the comments received even though some have been critical of my post, which I expected, weight is an emotive issue but your post has really helped me to put it into perspective.

I'm going to try to help her feel confident the way that she is. Why should she be made to feel ashamed of her body when she is a healthy weight. And I shouldnt be even thinking that she should attempt to look like her friends. TBH I'm shocked at how thin they all are and although it can be natural at this age I'm sure that they are dieting.

I'll just make sure that she has a balanced, healthy diet at home and help her chose clothes that suit her etc. So s-- it she looks great as she is.

I'm ever so pleased you feel my post has helped you put things into perspective.