It is interesting isn't trying to get the balance right.
Obviously we don't want our kids to be exposed to pedophiles and adults when they are innocently tapping away with what appears to be their peers - or even not so innocently texting, but we hope that they will be sensible and not put themselves at risk.
We have all kinds of security measures on our computers now. Our DD is 3.7 and I found her clicking on some youtube videos... close call - I changed the settings quickly after that - I didn't even know she knew how to open an application!! We have a few sites only she can see, and I'm with her now everytime. We don't have a TV, so she just loves videos and animations online.
My niece was being groomed when she was 6 yo, thirteen years ago. She found an AOL chat room, and talked about her new pussycat. My sister was HORRIFIED! So it just goes to show that it isn't as rare as some posters feel: just happening to someone else in the papers. The wonderful thing about the internet and mobile technology though is, that if you do find your child is being exposed to anything dangerous, it's traceable, and can stand as evidence in a court of law to prosecute the pedophile/s.
There is a balance, and it does depend on the age and world wise-ness of the child and teen. But I'm happy to severely restrict acces to the internet for my 3yo DD untill she can show me that she's aware of how these sites work and why and how she's going to be safe on them.
I'm not sure as a mother to a girl why some posters are happy enough to let their boys get into trouble, when they would monitor their daughter's usage very closely.. the only thing I could think this discrepancy of monitoring would mean was that a pregnancy, HIV, hepatitis, cervical cancer (caused by the STD human papilloma virus) or other sexually transmitted disease was feared for a girl more than for a boy. That's a strange attitude and warrants further exploration.
Would their boys deny a pregnancy/ STD? would they as parents be complicit in this? Aren't pregnancy and deathly diseases as serious for a girl-teen as they are to a boy-teen? Are boy-teens somehow exempt from being sick or a parent?
As a boy-teen's parents do they not want to be involved with their son's baby / recovery or treatment for a potentially deadly STD? Maybe I was picking that post up wrong? I do most sincerely hope so!
However regarding privacy, I have to say my DD's written diary will be out of bounds to me, I've no window into my DD's soul, apart from what she choses to share with me - these thoughts are her own, and I may as well bring her up in room 101 as pry into her inner soul, and make her feel violated there where she should feel most at home and safest.
My own mother read my diary and would casually mention things in it to me - and I stopped trusting her with anything that actually matters to me completely. She just doesn't deserve to be on my 'most trusted' list. We have a cordial, but mundane relationships, and I feel the loss of not having a close relationship with her everyday.
If that's what you want from and for your children, by all means breach their trust. But watch out! Your relationship may go down the tubes forever, just because of your prying.
In my experience trust is earned and it's a two way thing - for example how many of us actually ask their teens for advice about things - if we start to do this, perhaps there might be a precedent set of helping each other in this open and trusting way, rather than an un-democratic, un-negotiated top down way: and you never know you might be surprised by the wisdom of what you hear!
There is a huge difference between a 12 year old and a 15 year old. Sometimes our overzealous desire to protect can have unintended consequences. There is a need for balance - at the moment I severely restrict my 3 year olds access to the internet, and probably will until she's about 10, but as she shows more wisdom, I'll ease off. I'll try and foster a feeling of anything being open for discussion. I really enjoy her company now, and I can't wait to have even more interesting conversations with her when she's older!