Do you read their texts?

[MrsSnape]

If your teens have mobiles, do you sneak a look at their texts or completely respect their privacy?

Interesting, annemarie - don't you have a problem with him having to lie about his age for Facebook and Bebo?

I wouldn't read texts-it would be like reading a diary or opening their post! I wouldn't like it done to me and so I couldn't do it to them. We have had periodic chats about internet safety and they know that I can look at the history of sites visited, I don't have to do that because they are aware that I can, I would be equally suspicious if they had wiped the history.

actually seeker i do but i have access to both of them and the profiles are private on both. he has 2 friends who recently moved abroad who don't use msn so he uses fb and bebo to keep in contact with them. i know exactly who he's talking to. you'd be surprised how many kids his age use these sites.

No, I know lots of younger ones do - I was just interested because I am boringly rigid on this subject and have only just reluctantly let dd onto Bebo - she's 12.5. So I was interested in other's views.

None of mine have FB or Bebo (13, 11 and 9).

DS1 does have MSN but rarely uses it.

DS1 is the only one with a mobile phone. DS2 will have one before the year is out.

Never. My niece (11) left her mobile lying around and I turned it of in case someone else had a peep. My mum read my diary when I was the same age and I was mortified when I discovered this - not that there was any secrets to hide but it was my diary. I stopped keeping one after that time which was a shame since it was the first time I'd managed to maintain one.

I did keep another diary when I was 18 but that one was kept well-hidden since of course by then my thoughts were running more on adult themes .

i didn't really want him using bebo tbh but i'd rather he have it with my knowledge and with fb i'm on there everyday so i can check his profile if there's a problem. that said i don't 'snoop' he knows i check his fb profile! just as he checks mine i'd imagine.

Mine dont' have fb or bebeo, they do have phones and internet access on the grounds that I can and will check them if I see necessary. I'm busy, I don't want to read a load of teenage twaddle, but by spotting certain signs I can help keep them safe, like stopping my oldest at 14 trying to buy drugs in the school loos. I'm his mum, I have a responsibility and a duty to keep him safe and I think I would deserve to have him taken off me if I wasn't occasionally prpeared to make some very hard calls. He's not a bad lad either, actually he's a really niced kid who is great with his small brothers and helps me in the kitchen, BUT he's also a teenager and keen to push boundaries, and some of those boundaries can be downright dangerous.

I do occassionally monitor my childrens texts and they are aware of this.

Quite simply, if they don't like it, then they have to go without having a phone and if they don't have a phone then their freedom to roam away from the house is drastically curbed.

Their phones are for emergency use only and we discourage the endless texting too and fro between friends anyway. We don't alllow them to Bebo or Facebook but if we did, we would monitor that too.

My 12 year old daughter once received a very innapropriate text from a 15 year old boy and once it came to our attention we were able to intervene and steer her away from a potentially dangerous situation.

Reading diarys on the other hand does seem a bit underhand. You can't inadvertantly arrange to meet up with a 36 paedophille with a diary in the same way that you could using MSN/Bebo for example. So generally, I leave the diarys alone unless I have specific concerns about recent behaviour for example but the need hasn't occurred yet.

Reading all this has made me wonder if people actually realise that a teenager is far more likely to be injured, maimed or worse crossing the road. Does anyone here hold their teens hand whilst crossing the road?

When I was 18 my mum went prying through my belongings and found out I was on the pill. She suddenly became devoutly religious (no sex before marriage) and stopped speaking to me, along with my dad, for the following 6 months, during which I lived under her roof and sat and underperformed in my A levels, in a house where nobody spoke to me. Then I moved out. Last month and 14 years later she spoke about this to me for first time in years and said she now regrets going looking in the first place because of all the trouble it caused. I have never ever got over this. I hope I will be able to relate to my own daughter in such a way that I can protect her without such a terrible breech of privacy or trust.

freckly, that is a terribly sad story although quite an extreme example. I think most parents will mange to quietly monitor their children without invading their privacy (to much). Until my children leave home,they are my responsibilty and I have duty to look after them and protect them and if that menas monitoring emails/texts thenso be it.

I hope you and your mum have managed to work things out.

Ranting - absolutley agree about road safety.It is a huge risk and although I don't hold my teens hands anymore, I do make sure they stop (and stop chatting) whilst they cross the road.

yes I read my dd's texts if she leaves her phone lying around. I wouldnt rule out looking at her MSN either. In fact this morning my friend came for coffee and was shocked to see dd still in - her dd had said she was meeting mine and they were going shopping into town. It transpired that her dd had gone to the house of a 17 year old lad she had met on Myspace! My dd knew nothing about it and was horrifed because (a) she was stupid doing it and (b) she had used my dd as an excuse. We asked dd to log us onto her myspace account so we could see tghe profile of the lad whose house she had gone to.

silly girl. fancy using your dd as an excuse without even asking if that was alright first.

My DD (9) only has e-mail & MSN. I set them up so know the password & she often asks me to go in there to set up something or other or to show her how to delete things etc. The main reason was so she could speak to her dad on there & also some other family members. In fact she speaks to family more than friends.

I'm still not sure about the mobile phone thing. I'm quite surprised how many of her friends have them already despite not going anywhere without adults so therefore not really needing them at all. In some cases they seem to be the cause of more fallings out so am keen to avoid one for as long as possible! She does keep saying, "when I get a phone" but she knows it won't be for a while yet!

Teenagers will do "teenagery" things whether they have a phone/internet or not.

NEVERNEVERNEVER EVER! I know first hand how it feels to have a parent not ?trust? you because they are simply nosey. My mother read my embellished, dramatised diary when I was 17 and that did nothing for our relationship. I felt that she couldn?t trust me. My husband of 18 years still remembers the day. Thank god I had a father that could trust my decisions. You are not confident in your parenting if you feel the need to be nosey and read your teenagers txts and diarys. Teenagers need privacy too.

'You are not confident in your parenting if you feel the need to be nosey'

Absolutely, but I used to be a lot more confident in my parenting before dd became a teenager.

Reading a 17 year olds diary is very far from looking at a 12/13 year olds texts occasionally

I do think there is a big difference between looking at the texts of a 13/14 year old and a 17/18 year old.

Although my kids have no problems with checking the texts of a nearly 50 year old.

I have never read dd's emails/facebook/bebo/texts etc., BUT she doesn't know that, she has always been told that I might. But, I never would. I hope we have an open enough relationship that she could tell me if she is getting in to trouble.

No. Ds 1 is almost 13

Phew, still going on this thread I see. I come back from holidays and its still strong.

Where oh where has the OP gone ??

BTW, as an original poster on this thread, I totally identify with PollyPentaPeptide and any others who acknowledged that parenting YOUNG teens (12-13yr olds as opposed to 15-16yr olds) is very difficult and we should reserve the right to monitor their safety if they wish to continue to enjoy the freedom that so many of them get.

IMHO, young teens do not have sufficient life experience/maturity to know how to cope with a myriad of potentially upsetting or even dangerous situations thy can find themselves in through no fault of their own.

Hopefully , by midteens with the advice and support of peers, school and parents they are on a stronger footing maturity-wise.

oops

killed that dead

sometimes

Actually, I feel a bit 'holier than thou' by replying 'never'. I have never felt I needed to. But if one of my kids was acting strangely, or if I was suspicious about their behavior etc., then I guess I might check their phone . I'm trying to justify this possibility in my own head by the fact that I love them more than anything in the world.