Do you read their texts?

[MrsSnape]

If your teens have mobiles, do you sneak a look at their texts or completely respect their privacy?

I occasionally read texts on the phones of both dd (14) and ds (16). They both know that I do.

Equally, my phone is there, and they occasionally read my texts.

We all accept it.

DH has yet to work out how texts work.

I've never read texts, emails or msn conversations but can't swear I never would - it would depend how worried I was. The line we've taken so far on msn etc is that we're not interested in what she says to her friends - as long as they are her friends ie people of her own age she's actually met in person. Unfortunately I have no way of checking that she's sticking to this without reading the conversations/messages.

I would always make sure that things like bebo/my space/facebook profiles are set to private with anyone under 16. you just never know.

I would guess though that a lot of these kids that have parents read texts etc will just delete any they don't want seen, i know kids that do this, friends of my teens

I can see their myspace and facebook as they are public and on my friend lists but Mobiles, emails, bedrooms and post I leave well alone

Of course you are right Minorityrules. Teenagers will get wise and delete any they don't want seen if they suspect snooping.

Just the same way I used to cover my tracks when I was a teenager.

We can only do our best to protect our children. Personally, I will take any way I can within reason.

My DD is 10. I love reading her texts but mostly she doesn't let me

I wonder how you protect children by letting them know that you will read their MSNs/emails/diaries?

If my dd thought I was doing this, she would simply fill them with inane drivel ("I saw some pretty flowers today", "I like being polite to teachers") to wind me up, and then confine the serious stuff to private conversations and small notes which get destroyed instantly.

But if she trusts me, hopefully she will be able to talk to me.

Haven't read all of this but, in answer to the OP, no I don't. I don't check his Bebo page or his msn. But he doesn't shut them down when I'm in the room, I trust him and we've had all the various chats over the years, we still do.
It's a matter of principle to me, my own mother found out my brother was gay by snooping through his letters and I remember being pretty horrified that she would do something like that.

I don't do this to my fifteen year old it doesn't seem ok to me.
However if I had serious concerns about my child and felt we were not talking I might feel tempted but how would i ever feel able to gain his trust.
No don't think i would.

I feel the same as cory I hope my ds trusts me enough to tell me if hes got problems or worrys..He has been bullied on msn but told me and I sorted it..We are quite open with things like bebo and facebook ..I dont pry but he doesnt mind me looking

I do not read diaries, emails and post.

I thought this thread was discussing stuff that is "out there" in the public domain eg. MSN, Bebo that is potentially vulnerable for unscrupulous people to use as they see fit, whether that is a 40yr old pretending to be 15 or a group of vindictive bitches threatening to happyslap someone.

It was about texts and they are not "out there", It has morphed into general privacy

Those of you who think it's OK to invade your teenagers' privacy - at what age are you prepared to let them have any privacy? 18? 21? 35?
I can understand the temptation to start snooping if your teenager is behaving more strangely than the average teen ie obviously unhappy and distancing him/herself, or stealing money from you or something, but it's still a pretty grim betrayal of trust and not necessarily so that the teenager will be grateful that you have found out.
ANd yes, it was a bit harsh to say you deserve to have them run away. What you do deserve is for them to make up horrendous stories about their drug use/crime/sexual depravity purely to pay you back for snooping.

It's not snooping if it's agreed in advance that you may check MSN or texts or Bebo. I would never read a diary - and I am not concerned about what dd might write to others. I am concerned about what others might send to her.

Well I work on the basis that we talk about these things, I give him the info to keep him safe and trust that he will be responsible enough to return that trust.
I feel strongly that if teens aren't given a degree of privacy then how can they learn to make their own mistakes in life and learn to be responsible adults.
I would never check my sons text messages, open his mail and I never enter his room unless he asks. He cleans it himself anyhow and he will show me his bebo page occasionally to ask if I like it.

My daughter is on MSN right now as I type. She is in the room next to me.

When I casually walk through the room, she minimizes whatever she is doing and stares at a blank pc background.

is it an invasion of her privacy to ask her who she is talking to and what the conversation is about?

She is 12.

I know when she is lying.

Do I just accept her lies and not check for myself?

I will say again, she is 12.

hmmm . . .snoop

by the way i don't read my dp's texts emails or post don't think he has a diary i also don't snoop about in his belongings - this is because he is a grown up

my dd is 13 - i set up her email so i set the password the condition of her having an account was that i could check if i felt the need - it's extremely rare that i do
it's even rarer that i look at her texts and when i do they are really boring [she doesn't know i do it]
she doesn't have facebook or msn - as she hasn't asked for it.
i don't open her post on purpose but we have same initial so if i do i don't read it.

GMOH: 12 is old enough to be entitled to private thoughts and private conversations. Do you have any suspicion that she is involved in anything potentially dangerous rather than just, for instance, giggling with her mates about fancying [insert relevant-to-12-year-old-celeb here] which is not harmful but would be embarrassing to her to have you read it. She might think you would laugh at her or say something to 'spoil' it. Do you think she might be blanking the screen because she told you she was doing her homework and actually she's looking for some or other collectible crap on ebay?
What I'm getting at is: ofcourse she is too young to be arranging dates with strangers etc, so you need to make sure you have talked to her calmly and sensibly about stranger danger etc. But don't turn into the Government, happy to exaggerate Paedo Panic just so you have an excuse to snoop.

I realy don;t get what the whole 'snooping' thing is about.

Trust is a two way street. If you suspect you partner of being unfaithful or dishonest, snoop away - always pit youself first - you'd be a fool not to.

The same with any deceptive behavior with your kids.

But if you are snooping cos your bored, it's wrong; but there is still no cut and dry here.

Life is as life does.

And no, I am not thinking of paedophiles. I'm sure it does happen, but it is not a concern of mine in this context. What I am concerned about is "cyberbullying" for want of a better word, and the exchanging of disturbing and unpleasant images.