Do you read their texts?

[MrsSnape]

If your teens have mobiles, do you sneak a look at their texts or completely respect their privacy?

Just a minute.

I don't have parental responsibilty for my friends.

My children don't have parental responsibility for me.

If my 12 yr old insists (I really rather she wouldn't actually) in participating in the wider world out there, with all the extra risks that entails, then I have to monitor her safety. I have occasionally found swearing and some name-calling on texts and MSN. Most of it I let go and don't automatically censor absolutely everything. I haven't forgotten what its like to be a kid.

I think there is a world of difference between a 12 yr old and a 16 yr old. The 12 yr olds I know are still children who think they are grown-up.

They are not.

What I meant to add is that it is not a level playing field to compare me reading my 12 yr olds texts with snooping through a friends phone.

I think it is the same. Everyone is entitled to privacy, no matter how old they are

swearing and name calling? most is let go? good job you arent around when they with friends, you'd have a colapse

yes getmeouttahere - iam not my dd's friend i am her mother therefore i'm responsible for her - i don't think there's anything wrong with keeping an eye on your teens.

God, I'm so old-fashioned!
I read the thread title and assumed it meant texts for GCSE courses.

I wouldn't rifle through the phone of any of my DCs unless I had reason to believe they were in danger, or engaging in something worrying.

Texts/emails are different from diaries ime.

I picked up, by flicking through DS1's school emails (when helping him with something) that he and a mate had sent some rather silly emails to each other, but the content was such that it may have breached the school policy and got them into trouble had they been discovered. Can't remember the content now, but it highlighted issues which we discussed in detail.

Also, as I (currently) pay for his phone credit, then as part of the deal I retain the right to see what he uses it for. I rarely do check, but he knows I retain the option.

It's not just about their privacy, it's about protecting them, imo and ime. They are still children.

I agree with madamez. I can't believe you read their diaries and private texts! It's shocking really.

I'd never dream of reading my dc's diaries or personally messages.

I treat them the way I want to be treated and we respect each other's privacy.

yes i read my sons texts occationally [he is 14] he not mind , it was a condition of getting the phone due to past behavior with the pc which i will not go into , we also have a programe that lets us check on his msn too
we are not bad parents , and dont look without askiing
im probably gonna get slated now but we have good reasons for our actions

chat rooms and the internet are dangerous and children are easily lead , i would rather check like we do than see our child in the news headlines, ,

I totally intend reading everything I can lay my hands on!! I would never, ever comment directly on anything I'd read but I see reading it as part of being the best mother I can be. How else can I really know what is worrying my children and what stuff they are having to face?

Coolyourboots that is rare tbh. I don't want to invade their privacy in the same way I don't read dh's texts/emails.

I'll make sure they know about online safety etc also but I just don't think doing that is right.

Whoahhh there!

Diaries are private thoughts. No-one mentioned reading diaries.

DD had been told not to post identifying info on her MSN profile. Being a typical 12 yr old, she thought she knew best and included surname, school and town. That is traceable.

Anything "out there" on t'internet is open to dodgy interpretation and I reserve the right to monitor a childs use of it. The only other option, IME is to ban it all until they are 30 LOL. This is my preference. I wish I was strong enough to do this actually, but she would genuinely be the only one among her peers without a phone, MSN etc. As it is, she was the last to do so in her group of friends.

Minority, what I meant to say (but failed, obviously) is that I let most of the usual kids stuff alone that I find. I would only interfere if there was something serious such as the previous examples. I am not so naive to think that swearing and name calling amongst kids has gone on since time immemorial.

Yes, I am her parent, not her friend or spouse.

it good to know i not alone on this checking thing ,its just parents keeping thier children safe xx

My daughter is well aware that if she leaves her phone lying around I may lokk at it, she has no problem witrh this and sometimes calls out for me to read it if she gets a text when out of the room ect...
Internet is in the family room only so I can see the conversations when I walk past.

Madamez to say that we deserve to have our children run away is pathetic and uncalled for

No I wouldn't read my tens texts. But none of my children had mobiles until they were 16.

is there not a programme that can ban access to chatrooms and whatnot?

no I do not read. DS's are 14 & nearly 16

I wish my parents had taken more notice of what I was doing when I was a teenager. I may not have got myself so far into some of the bloody stupid situations I did.

I was not a "bad" kid. I just thought I was invincible.

I was not.

CoolYerBoots, it is very scary indeed.

no I don't read my dd's texts

I don't have any worries about her concerning drugs etc ,I may chnage my stance if I did.

Abuse? A bit of an over reaction I think.

I dunno if I would. Depends if I thought they were up to anything dangerous, then I would absolutely.

If he had a girlfriend I wouldn't. That's probably the preserve of the parents of teenage girls as they have much more at stake.

But this is all hypothetical as ds is only 3.6