Page 5 | Teen accused of being a paedophile advice needed!

Stuckinarut23 · 2023-11-07T21:13:30+00:00

I've been sent messages from his ex gf of screen shots of my son messaging a 14/15 year old girl, apparently they were messaging on snap chat he wrote some sexual stuff and chatting her up He said he didn't know she was 15 at first They haven't met or had sex. I am devastated. I dorn think he realises the consequences of hia actions, screen shots have been posted on FB on groups and what do I do?

AmazingSnakeHead · 08/11/2023 01:28

porridgeisbae · 07/11/2023 23:14

Whatever their age, a person over the age of consent saying sexual stuff to an underage person is a sex offender and it's not ok.

@Stuckinarut23 Report him to the police yourself. Don't condone it or turn a blind eye, or you haven't done your bit to try and stop him doing stuff with children again (and even online sexual contact with children is a crime.)

This is one of the stupidest things I've read on here. So a 15 year old can say sexual things with their 17 year old boyfriend, but then when it's his birthday and he turns 18 he should be reported to the police? Complete nonsense. It's fine and normal to have a bit of an age gap.

SD1978 · 08/11/2023 01:53

Did he continue to talk to her. With sexual messages when he found out she was 15? Because that's an issue. Not being aware and then stopping contact. Is the right thing to do- continuing a relationship with a 15 yr old makes him an idiot. He sent the messages- if he wasn't aware of her age. Then go to the police yourself. If he was aware and did it- hope that it calms down because he did the wrong the thing by continuing the conversation.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/11/2023 02:20

montysorry · 08/11/2023 01:16

Bloody hell, what a lot of nonsense on here.

Firstly, he is not a paedophile. This is not, as suggested earlier, because he didn’t have sex with her. This is because paedophiles have a sexual attraction to children-physical children ie prepubescent. At 15, she is not physically a child even though she, is of course, legally one. If a crime was committed then yes, the young man would be added to the sex offenders register. That would still not make him a paedophile.

Secondly, from a moral POV, a lot will depend on whether he backed off from sex talk once he knew she was underage. It would be unusual for a 15yr old to say she’s 17, engage in sexting then be all, ‘surprise, I’m actually 15’. That sounds more like catfishing to me.

Legally, unless he saved any explicit pictures or sent any messages that obviously smack of grooming or sent anything suggesting sex after she admitted she was 15, then the police will not be interested. They may have a word about ensuring he’s sure about who he’s talking to but as there was no physical contact then as long as no saved explicit images or suggestion of grooming then he doesn’t need to worry about being prosecuted. In fact, they may be able to give some sound advice re the other FB pages. I believe there is a way to retrieve your own expired Snapchat messages within a certain time. Hopefully one message will show a backing off once he knows she’s 15.

To the poster earlier talking about hunting him down as you’ve done before-get a grip! This is not a vigilante state. This is an 18yr old (at the time) talking to a 15yr old whom he thought was a 17yr old. Not a man grooming a 13yr old as in the scenario you describe. 🙄

I’m a secondary school teacher and I will say that whilst I fully believe in the importance of the age of consent, in the minds of teenagers, it’s a very remote, arbitrary, unfathomable line that adults have drawn in the sand. There is often very little physical, emotional or psychological difference between 15-17 (in their eyes) (I know op’s son was 18) so they don’t ‘see’ it or heed it anywhere near as often as they should. I’m not condoning that but they just don’t understand or consider there to be any difference. 😬

My advice is to speak to the police and speak to a lawyer. Good luck. Hopefully, lesson learned.

This sounds like solid advice op. Have you read the chats? I believe you can open snapchats twice and then they delete. If you can open them, have your ds’s ipad or your phone to video record or photograph the messages. This way, the girl won’t know he’s taken copies of the messages.

tamade · 08/11/2023 02:42

Well obviously he isn't a paedophile. The 15yo girl/18yo boy story is pretty normal, usually the only ones to get upset are the 15yo boys. Sex is obviously illegal.
His ex sounds like a real piece of work.

I think there are a few teachable moments here but hopefully it will all blow over

alchemisty · 08/11/2023 02:56

AmazingSnakeHead · 08/11/2023 01:28

This is one of the stupidest things I've read on here. So a 15 year old can say sexual things with their 17 year old boyfriend, but then when it's his birthday and he turns 18 he should be reported to the police? Complete nonsense. It's fine and normal to have a bit of an age gap.

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Yeah, out of curiosity, what happens with a 14 year old and 15 year old who are dating? Is kissing, sex, etc OK the day before one of them turns 16 or 18, but they have to stop suddenly from their birthday onwards? Genuine question, somehow I'm not well informed about age of consent laws

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/11/2023 03:09

@alchemisty
A 16 yo isn’t going to be prosecuted for having sex with a 15 yo. They’re too close in age. It starts to get tricky as the age gap widens. If that 16 yo then becomes 17 whilst the 15 yo is not yet 16, that could still indicate a school year’s difference. It is a difficult age a lots of countries have laws tackling this.

An 18 yo with a 15 yo otoh is too large an age gap. I know it was considered fine in the past. I was seeing a man (dickhead) when I was 15.

SplendidUtterly · 08/11/2023 03:10

Did he write the sexual stuff before of after he found out she was 15?

chatenoire · 08/11/2023 03:13

So my then 12yo sexted m'en on dating websites. The police couldn't care any less because she said she was 18... I wouldn't worry.

OnedayIwilldrive · 08/11/2023 03:53

Wow the states of some of the posts on this thread. It is NOT ok for 19 year olds to be going out with or messaging 15 year old girls. Look at the grooming gang that got put away last week in Rochdale . One of the girls was 15 , the other 12/13. The boys involved were 18/19 at the time. I am not saying OP's son was up to this but it's not OK .
OP you need to speak to your son and he needs to learn about boundaries and come off social media. It is not safe. He shouldn't be sending sexual messages to any girls he doesn't know in real life. And yes social work and the police should be concerned. It's called safeguarding. Remember Saville? Brand? Oldham?

OnedayIwilldrive · 08/11/2023 03:57

@AmazingSnakeHead of you let your 15 year old go out with a 17 year old then, on your head be it I guess, I wouldn't. A 15 uear old is far too young to go out with a 17 year old.

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 08/11/2023 06:02

What's your sons reaction to all of this?

It does sound like a set up. He was messaging a 15 year old and the ex gf got hold of the screenshots even though your son can't access them? Sounds like the ex gf was the one posing as the 15 year old. I'd message back telling her that you're going to the police and he will be handing his phone in for examination. And charges will be pressed against the person who has set him up. See how quickly she backtracks.

AnneValentine · 08/11/2023 06:17

Stuckinarut23 · 07/11/2023 22:06

I know but he's being shared on a paedophile page fgs his name and everything and picture. I have no idea about how she has for them unless it was a set up. Alot of youngsters chat on snap/insta.

If he was knowingly sending sexual contact to a 14/15 year old that is not a set up. It’s a crime. And rightly so. Rather than focusing on now it’s a set up, defending your adult offspring consider the seriousness of what he did here.

AnneValentine · 08/11/2023 06:18

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 08/11/2023 06:02

What's your sons reaction to all of this?

It does sound like a set up. He was messaging a 15 year old and the ex gf got hold of the screenshots even though your son can't access them? Sounds like the ex gf was the one posing as the 15 year old. I'd message back telling her that you're going to the police and he will be handing his phone in for examination. And charges will be pressed against the person who has set him up. See how quickly she backtracks.

If he was knowingly messaging a minor he’s got a problem. It might well have been a trap but he wouldn’t have been on the receiving end of that if he hadn’t messaged a minor!!

AnneValentine · 08/11/2023 06:21

Ramalangadingdong · 07/11/2023 22:35

He isn’t a pedophile because he hasn’t slept with her.

the ex is playing a dangerous game. Making false accusations could get HER into trouble.

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This is completely incorrect.

A pedophile is a person with sexual interest in a pre pubescent child. What they do with that interest is where criminal behaviour comes in.

In the case of the OP’s son he is not a pedophile as she is not pre pubescent but he has committed a sex offence. That’s pretty simple.

Rosscameasdoody · 08/11/2023 06:23

AnneValentine · 08/11/2023 06:17

If he was knowingly sending sexual contact to a 14/15 year old that is not a set up. It’s a crime. And rightly so. Rather than focusing on now it’s a set up, defending your adult offspring consider the seriousness of what he did here.

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The girl told him she was 17. The issue is whether he carried on once he knew she was 15, and nothing in the OP’s posts so far confirms that he did. Also there is some suspicion that his ex was posing as the girl, because somehow she has managed to get hold of his messages despite the fact that he can no longer access them himself.

AnneValentine · 08/11/2023 06:32

Rosscameasdoody · 08/11/2023 06:23

The girl told him she was 17. The issue is whether he carried on once he knew she was 15, and nothing in the OP’s posts so far confirms that he did. Also there is some suspicion that his ex was posing as the girl, because somehow she has managed to get hold of his messages despite the fact that he can no longer access them himself.

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Which is why I clearly stated IF.

Acornsoup · 08/11/2023 06:32

I would start by having a proper conversation with your son. You need to establish facts. Have they met up. When did he find out how old she is. What happened after that. Then you need legal advice.

The best approach is for your son to own up to his behaviour, learn from it and suffer the consequences, whatever that might be. Even if it's just an uncomfortable meeting with the girls parents. Is he wanting to maintain contact with her?

The ex girlfriend needs to be stopped,
Her behaviour is not ok. Suggest reporting her to the site in question and asking them to take the posts down. If it goes further than that the police.

AnneValentine · 08/11/2023 06:33

Rosscameasdoody · 08/11/2023 06:23

The girl told him she was 17. The issue is whether he carried on once he knew she was 15, and nothing in the OP’s posts so far confirms that he did. Also there is some suspicion that his ex was posing as the girl, because somehow she has managed to get hold of his messages despite the fact that he can no longer access them himself.

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It doesn’t matter if she was posing as a 15 year old girl. If he believed her to he 15 he has made a huge mistake. A criminal one.

Angrymum22 · 08/11/2023 06:34

I’m slightly amused by PP who think that midteenage girls are innocent little angels who talk about puppies and kittens on social media.
They can be visually and verbally provocative from an early age online with the help of filters and makeup.
Boys are no better.
Before you let your daughter loose on any SM platform join yourself and have a good look at what content is there, particularly have a look at her friends content.
Snapchat will be 10x worse because chats are deleted and as one PP said you can video them if you don’t want someone to know you have screenshot them.

Most parents of teenagers have no experience of social media at that age. Keeping up with friends and family on Facebook or posting funny dance routines on TikToc is a million miles away from group chats on Snapchat and Instagram.

Catfishing is widespread on line now, and YouTube videos and TV programmes about it merely encourages more people to do it. Whether it’s to fill a gap in their lives, for their own entertainment, to boost their egos or just to teach someone a “lesson” it really is a growing problem amongst youngsters who are increasingly isolated by life online.

I think the lockdowns have seriously affected the social development of our current teenagers, in that they spent so much time interacting online it has become more normal than face to face. But they have not learnt to apply the acceptable boundaries we apply in real life face to face.

AnneValentine · 08/11/2023 06:39

Angrymum22 · 08/11/2023 06:34

I’m slightly amused by PP who think that midteenage girls are innocent little angels who talk about puppies and kittens on social media.
They can be visually and verbally provocative from an early age online with the help of filters and makeup.
Boys are no better.
Before you let your daughter loose on any SM platform join yourself and have a good look at what content is there, particularly have a look at her friends content.
Snapchat will be 10x worse because chats are deleted and as one PP said you can video them if you don’t want someone to know you have screenshot them.

Most parents of teenagers have no experience of social media at that age. Keeping up with friends and family on Facebook or posting funny dance routines on TikToc is a million miles away from group chats on Snapchat and Instagram.

Catfishing is widespread on line now, and YouTube videos and TV programmes about it merely encourages more people to do it. Whether it’s to fill a gap in their lives, for their own entertainment, to boost their egos or just to teach someone a “lesson” it really is a growing problem amongst youngsters who are increasingly isolated by life online.

I think the lockdowns have seriously affected the social development of our current teenagers, in that they spent so much time interacting online it has become more normal than face to face. But they have not learnt to apply the acceptable boundaries we apply in real life face to face.

Edited

Nice bit of victim blaming.

Heres a newsflash if ADULTS didn’t engage in sexual behaviour with children there would be no issue. Teenagers aren’t fully cooked. They’re a nightmare for sure. But the responsibility lies with the adults committing the offence. Next you will be blaming rape victims for walking home in the dark. Silly
women eh.

Rosscameasdoody · 08/11/2023 06:40

AnneValentine · 08/11/2023 06:33

It doesn’t matter if she was posing as a 15 year old girl. If he believed her to he 15 he has made a huge mistake. A criminal one.

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I don’t understand what you’re saying. He didn’t believe her to be 15 - she told him she was 17, and once again, if you read the OP’s posts there is nothing to say he carried on with any sex talk after finding out she was 15.

AnneValentine · 08/11/2023 06:43

Rosscameasdoody · 08/11/2023 06:40

I don’t understand what you’re saying. He didn’t believe her to be 15 - she told him she was 17, and once again, if you read the OP’s posts there is nothing to say he carried on with any sex talk after finding out she was 15.

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I have read them. He thought she was 17 at first. She hasn’t confirmed whether he continued to message after he was told 15. Which is why I said IF he believed her to be 15.

Rosscameasdoody · 08/11/2023 06:43

AnneValentine · 08/11/2023 06:39

Nice bit of victim blaming.

Heres a newsflash if ADULTS didn’t engage in sexual behaviour with children there would be no issue. Teenagers aren’t fully cooked. They’re a nightmare for sure. But the responsibility lies with the adults committing the offence. Next you will be blaming rape victims for walking home in the dark. Silly
women eh.

Show quote history

Where is the victim here ? The girl told him she was 17 when in fact she was only 15. So not entirely an innocent victim. And the issue is whether the sex talk continued after she admitted to being 15 - no evidence that he did.

haribosmarties · 08/11/2023 06:49

I'm sorry but not many reasonable people are going to think a 19 year old is a paedophile for sending a slightly sexual message to a 15 year old who they didn't realise was 15 when that 15 year old was messaging them back. He's just been an idiot and he needs to learn a lesson about this. The blame does lie with him for being thoughtless but he's hardly a paedophile is he ffs?
He needs to come off social media. And maybe contact the police himself regarding harassment/malicious communications regarding being labelled a paedophile on the Internet.

Angrymum22 · 08/11/2023 06:54

Maybe girls wouldn’t be victims if they didn’t lie about their age. The whole point of this post revolves around age and presenting yourself as an older woman. How are we supposed to educate our sons on age appropriate behaviour when girls lie.
Exactly how do you know if someone is telling you the truth about their age.
I suppose they could ask for ID but even that can be fake.

I’m sorry if but from the OPs post her son was deliberately targeted by his ex girlfriend. He was stupid to fall for it and will have learnt that you should only sext after you have met someone in rl, asked to see their ID and just to be extra sure checked with her parents that she is over 16.
Alternatively don’t sext.