Teen accused of being a paedophile advice needed!

[Stuckinarut23]

I've been sent messages from his ex gf of screen shots of my son messaging a 14/15 year old girl, apparently they were messaging on snap chat he wrote some sexual stuff and chatting her up
He said he didn't know she was 15 at first
They haven't met or had sex. I am devastated. I dorn think he realises the consequences of hia actions, screen shots have been posted on FB on groups and what do I do?

Genuine question.
Do you think an adult that watches child pornography is not a pedophile because he hasn't slept with the kids he watched?

I wouldn't worry too much, OP.
What he did was careless, but not many people will care about a 19 year old contacting a girl four years younger.
Not even pedophile hunters.
Ignore her, it's the best case of action. This will die down soon

It's different if he's lied about his age and said he's 17. If the 19 year old later finds out and is still messaging the 15 year old like in this case though, as the mum of the child, I'd be very unhappy.

So you’re only a paedophile if you actually rape a child? And those that watch child abuse material? What are they then?

I had an 18/19 yr old boyfriend at 15. I think the ex should be in more trouble for the slander and online bullying tbh.

Anyone over 18 who is sexually messaging a minor would get into trouble with the police if reported.
I've seen so many of the vigilante videos to know that the police do care and will prosecute if given proof.

He’s an adult, she’s a child.. you might condone it if you had a daughter of 15 seeing a 19 year old or think it’s not that bad but as someone who knows police officers, paedophiles are getting younger, grooming young girls and grooming their parents in the process. They recently charged a 19 year old who was having sex with a 14 year old. They start with 15 year olds and then go younger. I’m not saying that it’s the case here from what the OP says but we shouldn’t just dismiss young adults because they don’t fit the image of a paedophile.

"a psychiatric disorder in which an adult has sexual fantasies about or engages in sexual acts with a prepubescent child"
A 15-year-old is not a prepubescent child, therefore OP's son is not a pedophile. simple as that.

Whats interesting about this thread is that it is so so obvious which of us have sons and which of us don't

To be honest he is a fucking idiot.

This sounds highly likely. @Stuckinarut23 How did the ex become an ex? If he ended the relationship, it would be very easy for a spiteful person to catfish.
A connection like having the same favourite band and football team might seem like you were made for each other at 19.
The person might not have stated their age, but might have mentioned that it takes a long time to book a driving test or their boss at work is a pain which would suggest being older without actually saying so. There may be patterns in what is said or when messages are sent that may be perceptible to you or another third party, but which your son wouldn't notice.
I would suggest taking over his social media/phone to ensure compliance, it could be real, but a calm and level head is required. The contents of messages may be embarrassing, but it's important to know what has been said and what hasn't.
Catfishing can be carried out by a single person, but it can also be perpetrated by someone with flying monkeys helping to gaslight.
Good luck.

Question for you: how is that scenario
analogous to OP’s

you said OP's son is not a pedophile because he hasn't slept with the girl.
Which makes it seems like raping a child is the only way to be a pedophile according to you.

Looks like your son has been set up, poor man. How is he to know she's 15 when she's told him she's 17? I'd go around the ex girlfriends house and make her delete everything and apologise to my DS

Whatever their age, a person over the age of consent saying sexual stuff to an underage person is a sex offender and it's not ok.

@Stuckinarut23 Report him to the police yourself. Don't condone it or turn a blind eye, or you haven't done your bit to try and stop him doing stuff with children again (and even online sexual contact with children is a crime.)

Sadly, it's appears to be a bit more complicated than that. I fear it's in Coleen Rooney territory now.

You can download snapchat history, I don't know what exactly you get, but I would have a read here and follow the instructions. If it backs up what he's saying about her lying about her age etc then I'd go to the police about what the girlfriend is posting.
https://help.snapchat.com/hc/en-gb/articles/7012305371156-How-do-I-download-my-data-from-Snapchat-

Tbh, unless he's messaged her something really dodgy - explicit messages or cyber flashing or something - while knowing she's 15, I'd probably report the gf anyway. As you say, she's potentially endangering him, if someone recognises him in the street and decides to get physical with him then no amount of him having deleted his own social media will help. It's also a risk future employers might find it if she's posting his name too.

From my understanding, the girl later admitted to being 15 but OP's son kept chatting with her

Is he sure this 15 year old is even real and not a catfish account set up by malicious ex. A lot of the paedophile hunter videos are stings by decoys in the group to see if someone will meet. I have seen stings with 19 years olds and some are when the group are contacted by a parent or the underage child. The fact that his ex has shared his details on Facebook is worrying and could put him in danger. She should not have done this without knowing all of the facts it does not look good for him if he has no record of her saying she is 17.

Didn't know at first? But kept messaging anyway? You're lucky it wasn't a decoy... police or a local paedo hunting group. I'd not be impressed if it was my daughter! The fact it was Snapchat, commonly used because messages disappear? Goodness knows what pics or otherwise could have crossed paths here. People can all say hardly paedophilia, only 19. She was underage at the end of the day and at a vulnerable age.

I can’t see that the OP has said anywhere in her posts that he kept chatting to her once he knew she was only 15.

How do you make that out? If we take what OP’s son has told her at face value he is not a paedophile. I wouldn’t say that EVERY person is not a paedo who doesn’t sleep with an underage (it makes me feel yucky just to write about these things).

I really hate when MN commenters try to twist what you say so that they can
make the thread an accusation against you (implying that you are some kind of sympathiser) why do people play that game? What can they possibly get out of it? You know what I meant and as such I will not be responding to any more of your “genuine questions”. Work it out for yourself.

I'd put money on the ex being the '15 year old 'tbh......and I'd be going to the police and letting her know that.

Maybe you shouldn't come on a thread that deals with such a sensitive subject and spout out nonsense that is not true or hopeful in any capacity.

You are at best ignorant or insensitive, at worst you are discrediting victims.

If we take what OP’s son has told her at face value he is not a paedophile.

@Ramalangadingdong He found out she was underage ('he thought she was 17 at first') but once he realized she was a child he carried on talking to her in a sexual way. That's a child sex offender. A non-paedo would stop talking to someone once they realized the person was a child.