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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teen accused of being a paedophile advice needed!

214 replies

Stuckinarut23 · 07/11/2023 21:13

I've been sent messages from his ex gf of screen shots of my son messaging a 14/15 year old girl, apparently they were messaging on snap chat he wrote some sexual stuff and chatting her up
He said he didn't know she was 15 at first
They haven't met or had sex. I am devastated. I dorn think he realises the consequences of hia actions, screen shots have been posted on FB on groups and what do I do?

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 07/11/2023 21:15

How old is your son? Did she lie about her age or did he not bother to ask?

Sirzy · 07/11/2023 21:15

How old is he?

SgtJuneAckland · 07/11/2023 21:16

How old is he? A peer is very different to a 19 yo

TeaKitten · 07/11/2023 21:16

His age is really important here…

SgtJuneAckland · 07/11/2023 21:18

Also did he cease the sexual communication when he knew her age, did she consent to the sexual communication in the first place or was he just sending her dick pics etc unrequested.

Original poster
Stuckinarut23 · 07/11/2023 21:31

He has just turned 19 apparently she is 15. He said he didn't know at first. I really don't know
His ex seems to posting it.

OP posts:
Hibye23289 · 07/11/2023 21:35

He didn't know at first....but then carried on messaging the teen? Or he stopped once he knew? I think that is important

DontLeanOnTheKeyboard · 07/11/2023 21:36

Not sounding brilliant, op. 😕

Original poster
Stuckinarut23 · 07/11/2023 21:40

He said she said she was 17. Trying to establish if he stopped contact with her.

OP posts:
Catandsquirrel · 07/11/2023 21:41

Did she lie about her age? If so does he have any proof?

Original poster
Stuckinarut23 · 07/11/2023 21:51

No he doesn't it was on snap chat. I really don't know what to do.

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 07/11/2023 21:53

I don’t think there’s much you can do to be honest OP. He’s 19 and he’s don’t something stupid, it’s on him. I totally understand it must be incredibly stressful for you though.

tescocreditcard · 07/11/2023 21:53

Try not to panic.

How did your sons ex girlfriend get hold of messages he sent someone else?

SoIRejoined · 07/11/2023 21:54

I would just ignore it to be honest, and tell him to be more careful in future about explicit messages. The ex is clearly trying to stir.

tescocreditcard · 07/11/2023 21:56

SoIRejoined · 07/11/2023 21:54

I would just ignore it to be honest, and tell him to be more careful in future about explicit messages. The ex is clearly trying to stir.

Yeah I'd kind of go down this route too. Can he come off social media for a month or two.

It'll all blow over if you just ignore it.

Hiddenvoice · 07/11/2023 21:58

I think the ex is trying to cause trouble but I’d want to know how she got the messages in the first place. Did he take screenshots and send to the ex or has the 15 year old been spreading it?

I think this is an important lesson for your son. He’s done something stupid but now he will learn to always check ages etc.
I’d make sure he understands the seriousness of this and tell him to cut contact if he hasn’t already.
At the end of the day, this is on him and I would try not panic and ask him to come off of social media for a while and not to engage.

Original poster
Stuckinarut23 · 07/11/2023 21:59

I don't know about how she got them but worried as she has posted it on a FB group with his full name.why do that and go to the police? I'm worried about his safety and my family.

OP posts:
AmazingSnakeHead · 07/11/2023 22:02

Is a 15 year old with a 19 year old THAT bad? Hardly makes someone a peadophile does it? I had a 19 year old boyfriend at that age, it didn't feel like a big age gap (although no sex until I was almost 17).

LifeIsHardAlways · 07/11/2023 22:02

He’s hardly a paedophile, she wasn’t a young child. He was 18 and her 15? It’s being seriously blown up

tescocreditcard · 07/11/2023 22:02

Stuckinarut23 · 07/11/2023 21:59

I don't know about how she got them but worried as she has posted it on a FB group with his full name.why do that and go to the police? I'm worried about his safety and my family.

She did it to be spiteful.

It's well known for 15 year old girls to tease and then grass the older boy up. It happens A LOT. Your sons learnt an important message here.

Tell him to come off all social media for the rest of the year. I don't think you have to worry about your family and safety, he's 19 not 35. Can't see the police being too interested to be honest. If I was a police officer, it wouldn't worry me.

Original poster
Stuckinarut23 · 07/11/2023 22:06

I know but he's being shared on a paedophile page fgs his name and everything and picture. I have no idea about how she has for them unless it was a set up. Alot of youngsters chat on snap/insta.

OP posts:
FriendsReunited · 07/11/2023 22:07

I’d report all the posts to Facebook all wherever as slander/harassment. If they’re in Facebook groups, also report them to the group moderator and say that the posts are slander which is unlawful and you are holding the group moderators individually legally liable for the consequences unless they’re taken down immediately.

tescocreditcard · 07/11/2023 22:08

Stuckinarut23 · 07/11/2023 22:06

I know but he's being shared on a paedophile page fgs his name and everything and picture. I have no idea about how she has for them unless it was a set up. Alot of youngsters chat on snap/insta.

It'll be a set up most likely. Does the young girl even really exist?

Honestly please don't panic, head down, close all social media accounts, re-open one or two next year in a different name and with a few trusted friends. It'll be forgotten by then IF HE IGNORES IT AND DOESN'T FUEL IT.

See the clue about "facebook friends" is in the name. They are supposed to be friends.

FriendsReunited · 07/11/2023 22:09

It sounds like a set up to me. A 15 yr old lied about her age, briefly dated your son, did some explicit mesaages then gave screenshots fo the ex-girlfriend? Set up and doesn’t sound legal.

WhatWhereWhenHowWhy · 07/11/2023 22:12

@tescocreditcard I'm a social worker. If a 15 year old told me they were potentially sexting with a 19 year (aka an adult!) I'd be concerned. Depending on the content and what the young person is saying it may even be worth pursuing with the police in some cases and may lead to the adult being spoken to even if no physical offences have been committed - for example if they perceive it as grooming. Just because it has 'teen' in the age doesn't make him less of an adult. He should be checking things out and he will now learn to be more mindful of who he is speaking to hopefully.

The blame lies with him.

Unfortunately, his ex seems to be stirring it all and I'm sure it'll be causing you all a lot of stress. I'd come off social media and be speaking to my son re this

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