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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Horrible. Spoilt. Entitled. My teenage daughter

109 replies

Helllpme · 03/10/2023 18:47

Sorry for the long post and thank you for your time.
My teenage daughter is ruining our family and I don’t know where to turn. A CAMHS consultant psychiatrist says she isn’t suffering from mental illness although they can’t definitively rule out neurodevelopment disorders. She accused her loving father, my husband of sexual assault. To dispel any doubts the police said they have no reason to believe her account.
We are walking on egg shells around her. She self harms at least once a week. There have been A&E trips because she needs stitching or antidotes administering.
Her behaviour at school is also extreme. She has no friends to speak off.

We’re middle class and have offered her a good upbringing. She talks as though she feels incredibly sorry for herself and is very entitled. We’ve had many a conversation with her about taking some responsibility.

I don’t know what to do. CAMHS aren’t interested and neither is social services. She’s on the cusp of getting kicked out of school because of her disruptive behaviours. I’ve fallen out of love with her and I am incredibly stressed and sad.

OP posts:
mauvish · 03/10/2023 19:57

sepia??

Antst · 03/10/2023 20:00

@Helllpme, isn't sepia a homeopathic remedy? Did a qualified medical professional recommend it or did you and your husband choose it?

You need to listen to the medical professionals. Your daughter has serious problems. It is your job as a parent to look after her, so you need to listen to advice from the doctors. You can check the advice with other doctors but do not start experimenting with medicines you have chosen.

Fireisland · 03/10/2023 20:17

Helllpme · 03/10/2023 19:45

We’ve always done the best as parents, we’ve done nothing wrong.

Of course OP, you did say you were middle class. I bet you took her to stately homes and everything.

wincarwoo · 03/10/2023 20:18

Helllpme · 03/10/2023 19:53

We tried to get her to take sepia but she refused

Is that what best parents do? Try to force a troubled daughter to take some quack medicine?

Original poster
Helllpme · 03/10/2023 20:22

Reported for bullying

OP posts:
Mylovelygreendress · 03/10/2023 20:30

Do you have other children ?

Original poster
Helllpme · 03/10/2023 20:31

I have three sons who are normal.

OP posts:
Mylovelygreendress · 03/10/2023 20:35

Helllpme · 03/10/2023 20:31

I have three sons who are normal.

Normal ? Ouch …..

Tribevibes · 03/10/2023 20:36

Christ…. 🤦‍♀️

Original poster
Helllpme · 03/10/2023 20:37

Normal is good thing?!

OP posts:
Onceuponaheartache · 03/10/2023 20:40

Not when it is used to imply your daughter is abnormal.

She is screaming out for love, support and to be heard and believed. Why the hell can you not see or acknowledge that????

I thought my mother was a narcissistic bitch but you absolutely take first place in that race.

Your poor daughter.

Its5656 · 03/10/2023 20:56

Just because the police couldn't find enough evidence to charge (they rarely sodding do btw!!) does not mean your daughter is making it up.
She needs you to believe her!

SmokedCheese · 03/10/2023 20:56

She needs to be assessed to see if she’s neurodiverse. If ND she can look at strategies and understand her diagnosis and behaviour. She needs to undergo therapy either way. She needs to choose to take medication or not if offered this as a step forward. It seems your DD is incredibly unhappy at the moment, her behaviour screams this loudly. Is she struggling with the impact of SA? I understand he was cleared but is there any chance of truth in it?

Burntouted · 03/10/2023 23:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/10/2023 00:03

Normal is a good thing?!

Do you think your reaction to this situation with your dd is ‘normal’?

  • not wanting your dd to take prescription drugs, which may help and which she may chose to take
  • refusing to get her any kind of therapy or help at all because of what you think she will say
  • trying to force her to take an unprescribed homeopathic remedy derived from the ink sack of a cuttlefish
  • removing her devices so that she is completely alone and unable to contact her peers
  • refusing to entertain that there is something seriously wrong with this situation
  • refusing to contemplate that she may not be lying
Burntouted · 04/10/2023 00:05

Be honest.

Why is it that you hate your daughter??

Why is it that you came on a public platform to defend your husband, yourself, your sons, and have bashed, belittled and insulted her ....especially to strangers?

You are in denial of everything or you don't care...perhaps both.

Your daughter isn't abnormal and in need of medication.

She needs protection, to be believed, love, support, to be listened to and helped.

Not to be spoken of with such disgust and disregard..

You came on here to bash and insult her to make yourself feel better.

Why is she horrible and the blame for something your husband did??

You feel she is entitled to abuse? Spoilt with what?? abuse?

I'm partly convinced that this post is fake.

What "haters"???

I guess you didn't get the supportive and posts siding with you as you'd like for...

So, everyone who is concerned about your daughter, a hater to you.

Hopefully your daughter is removed and placed where she can experience someone truly caring for and about her.

This is vile.

Zone2NorthLondon · 04/10/2023 00:09

Helllpme · 03/10/2023 19:36

I am worried about medication because they might force it on her and not let me decide.

Why do,you get to decide whether she takes medication? That’s her choice. Let her weigh up the pro & cons and seek neutral advice to formulate a decision. If she has capacity she can chose, not you

321user123 · 04/10/2023 00:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

321user123 · 04/10/2023 00:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Zone2NorthLondon · 04/10/2023 00:13

Helllpme · 03/10/2023 19:22

I know of other teenagers on meds and the outcomes are dire

That is a gross misrepresentation. For some young people medication offers a stability and opportunity to participate in treatment. It’s really not helpful to be vehemently anti-meds

321user123 · 04/10/2023 00:38

OP very respectfully, there have been no haters in this thread (unless that one post which is deleted and I can’t see).

Some people on here may have witnessed or lived through much worse, you do not know that.

You said, you want for everything to go back to
how it was.

THAT WILL BEVER HAPPEN, not unless you decide to do something about it and start by getting your daughter real help, not CAMHS.

stop burying your head in the sand.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 04/10/2023 07:43

Helllpme · 03/10/2023 20:31

I have three sons who are normal.

Or maybe you have 3 sons who haven’t been victims of SA and a daughter who has.

you need to get your daughter some private counselling. It doesn’t seem to be the cost that’s stoping you, more that you’re worried about what she’ll say when she’s alone or that you won’t be able to control the situation. Can you see how that might look from the outside?

your husband has been cleared by the police. Likely due to a lack of evidence. This doesn’t mean that he is innocent, he might be, but he also might just be a good liar. Getting to the bottom of what has actually happened is what needs to happen. Your daughter needs to feel listened to and not demonised. Her accusations about her father could have been a cry for help, maybe she is being abused by someone else but is too afraid to name them. This needs looking into thoroughly not just trying to be brushed under the carpet so you can continue with your nice middle class life without this inconvenience.

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/10/2023 11:58

Why do you believe your husband over your daughter?
You say you just want things to go back to “normal”.
At the expense of your daughter?

users953269 · 04/10/2023 15:57

Unbelievable parenting.

wishmyhousetidy · 04/10/2023 18:05

itsmyp4rty · 03/10/2023 19:53

I don't think people have noticed that they said she could be ND - she could have both undiagnosed ADHD and ASD.

It really could explain a lot and doesn't mean the OP or her husband has necessarily been a terrible parent. She does of course need help though whatever the case. I think a private assessment asap is what is badly needed.

I agree with this comment. Undiagnosed ADHD can cause massive behavioural and emotional problems and one absolutely unhappy child. Teen girls often undiagnosed. But Op stop burying your head in the sand and like people are saying get her help including therapy. I speak from experience, do not waste time on her get her some help- it’s a long road