Horrible. Spoilt. Entitled. My teenage daughter

[Helllpme]

Sorry for the long post and thank you for your time.
My teenage daughter is ruining our family and I don’t know where to turn. A CAMHS consultant psychiatrist says she isn’t suffering from mental illness although they can’t definitively rule out neurodevelopment disorders. She accused her loving father, my husband of sexual assault. To dispel any doubts the police said they have no reason to believe her account.
We are walking on egg shells around her. She self harms at least once a week. There have been A&E trips because she needs stitching or antidotes administering.
Her behaviour at school is also extreme. She has no friends to speak off.

We’re middle class and have offered her a good upbringing. She talks as though she feels incredibly sorry for herself and is very entitled. We’ve had many a conversation with her about taking some responsibility.

I don’t know what to do. CAMHS aren’t interested and neither is social services. She’s on the cusp of getting kicked out of school because of her disruptive behaviours. I’ve fallen out of love with her and I am incredibly stressed and sad.

Gosh this sounds awful I'm so sorry.

Just thinking about that part - her accusing her df of SA - could she have been sexually assaulted by someone else? I've heard of girls accusing someone else, often someone they trust (I'm not sure of the psychological reason but it's definitely something I've heard).

She’s been SA’d and no one has supported her.

She will lash out.

Support her. Believe her. Protect her.

I believe her 😢.

our family have been cleared by both the police and social services.
it was a nasty and vindictive thing she accused my husband of and I am just at a real loss.

This is awful to read. I know how difficult it is to deal with this type of behaviour but when did it start? Because it does sound like there is something going on underneath.
Class has absolutely nothing to do with it. It may be able to buy in some extra support though. Would you be prepared to pay for private therapy with someone she can open up to?
Also Kooth is a good resource for troubled teens to access help.

sounds v difficult!

Believe her she has told you she has been sexually assaulted and you are not supporting her.

of course she is going to lash out in anger because underneath she is a frightened girl who needs her Mum!

She will also pick up on your dislike for her that's going to cause her behaviour to spiral negatively.

I can't understand why psychiatrist would think someone who attempts suicide regularly isn't suffering from mental illness. Is she receiving any therapy?

Something traumatic has happened to her, OP. Could you go away with just her for an extended period of time? No demands on either of you.

Although we need help I’ve been wary of 1:1 therapy as I don’t want to put ideas in to her mind if you get what I mean.

Your daughter probably needs you now more than she ever has. Please don’t give up on her.

Pay for private counselling. Has she acknowledged that the accusations were false?

Yes, the old saying they need the most love when they least deserve it springs to mind.

The police and social services wouldn’t know for sure. Personally I do believe her and her behaviour is literally ticking every single box. Imagine how you would react if your father sexually assaulted you and your mother never believed you. That is one lonely, lonely place to be. You would expect her to be nasty, vindictive, raging and full of self hate.

She's told you that she's been sexually abused and nobody believed her. It's hardly a surprise she's self harming is it

Do your job as a mother and protect her.

Could there be even the slightest possibility that there's any truth in her accusation? Police and SS may well have cleared the investigation, but that doesn't mean something hadn't happened to her, if not by him another person. I do understand how stressful it must be though

Why are you wary of one to one therapy and what do you mean about it putting ideas into her head?

I’d be looking for a second opinion on her mental health. A child who is self-harming and claiming to have been abused is not well.

I would look into private therapy either way.

Accusations of sexual assault can sometimes have a basis, just a different one from the one claimed- for example, the assault happened but someone else was the perpetrator or it happened at a different time or in a different way.

No, she’s not going to get ideas into her head. Therapy will uncover more of the truth though so is that why you’re worried?

It is incredibly rare for a daughter to make a false accusation of SA.

Something has happened to her.

It might be that she was sexually assaulted by someone else.

It might be that she is telling the truth

It might be that it was something else equally traumatic.

However, her behaviour is making clear she is traumatised. She is very unlikely to trust you and tell you what has happened as you clearly think she is nasty and vindictive so you need to get her a counsellor who she can talk to.

I would take the police/social services not taking action with a pinch of salt. Look up rates of conviction etc it’s abysmal.

If you genuinely believe that her accusations are impossible to be true, and there is no other trigger you can see, plus seemingly no identifiable mental illness - what else would tip a child into self destruct mode? How old is she?

Poor girl with no friends and self harming. She's having a horrible time and needs compassion. I know how hard that is because I've been there with my dd. Once I got on her side things inproved as fighting against the behaviour simply doesn't work.
Has she actually admitted the SA allegation was false?

I am concerned that her behaviour might be influenced by ‘recovery accounts’ on platforms such as tiktok and Instagram. I took her phone to address these concerns.

im finding it hard to believe this post is real…

Honestly i dont know whether to slap you or hug your poor daughter.

I was your daughter growing up, although in my case it was physical and mental assault. No one believed that my "loving" father could be such a barbaric bastard. But believe me he was.

Your daughter has confided in you and you have dismissed her. How dare you.

I have no doubt that social services and the police have been heavily swayed by your tales of her behaviour.

I hope to god someone steps in and protects your daughter before something worse happens to her.

For christ sake kids don't self harm and self destruct for no reason. And they almost never accuse someone of sexual assault without there being an element of truth.

Have you given it back now?

How old is she?

Helllpme · Today 19:08
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I am concerned that her behaviour might be influenced by ‘recovery accounts’ on platforms such as tiktok and Instagram. I took her phone to address these concerns”

So she can’t seek help online even if she wants to?