Just a friendly hand hold for any other mums of teens PART 2

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

Again, just a friendly place to liaise (or lament?!) with other parents who are trying their best to navigate the ups and downs of raising teens 😳

no judgy pants here so don’t worry about that!

@howaboutthistime thank you. She apologised which is unheard of but it still doesn't change the fact it happened and she felt that it was ok to do that .. I over reacted for sure but the level of disrespect she has for me is astounding. We have all sorts of boyfriend dramas to contend with too which is finishing me off (he falls out with his parents and they kick him out !!!) And I am supposed to do her a favour by letting him stay - that was the latest last night after the spitting . I just want a peaceful life without drama !!! Hope everyone else has a quiet weekend with their teens 🙄

Very unlikely you will lose him, just refuse to engage in the silly games. You did good walking away, just try not to let things get on top of you. What do you do for you, start to rediscover your own hobbies.

Thank you sooo much for this thread! We are struggling with DD 18, and it’s so reassuring to know others are having similar. Hugs to all, it’s very hard/heartbreaking to be so hated.

Morning! I'm feeling really tearful this morning BUT I'm not letting my son see. Alexa is playing some great music and I'm singing along. I'm going to let him know I'm not bothered about the attitude, the mind games and the eye rolls. I really miss the lovely warm snuggles we used to have when he'd just woken up, those days are long gone. I'm sure this will get better one day (I hope) but he's only 14 so it feels like such a long way off until he's out of this stage 😭

Hi everyone. Really struggling with ds (17), but we have been for years really. He is currently going through an ASD assessment (he asked), but to me it feels more mental health related which worries me. He is very closed off, withdrawn, food issues, shuts down and completely lacking in empathy or understanding. There are occasional glimpses of kindness/bring sociable but these then seem to exhaust him and he will revert back to locking himself in his room.

I want to believe this will pass but I feel he needs our help, we can’t ride it out in the expectation he will wake up one day a functioning adult, but he won’t let us parent him!

hugs to everyone else who is struggling. I also have a 15 yo ds who is nothing like this, so I’m trying not to blame myself.

I was thinking..,teenagers are often troubled. It’s a transitional phrase. However, those months locked inside during covid can’t have helped.

SorrY but three immature words:

fuck

my

life

😤
(Where my teenager daughter is concerned)

I have wine, come share some, feel free to rant, it gets better.

I remember years ago a friend put a SM post that the way to annoy her dd was to wash the T-shirt she wore for colour run. My reaction is, nope I literally just have to exist to annoy mine.

it will get better. 💐

I am so pissed off disappointed upset despondent you name it…

she wanted to go to a camp this weekend

refused

money wasted

fine whatever

stay home

had to work today

two jobs - one clean that tip of a room

two - clear up your endless school papers

got back 8 hourS later

even I was shocked to find absolutely fuck all done

my Husband says it could be worse

she reluctantly went up and did a half arsed attempt at her room - 30 mins max

that’s the best I’m going to get

she’s a fucking brat and I’m endlessly patient and then I am stern like today

fuck all works

she’s just selfish with no thought for myself or anyone else

deep down don’t like her or what she’s become or what she stands for

love makes me bear with but quite honestly, I wish I’d never had her now. As terrible as that sounds. She’s eroding me. Despite my best efforts. Day in and day out.

Because she makes me feel like after producing 2 decent kids and getting them most of the way through their teens alright, she’s just a scathing mouthy mean bully. I do not speak to her like this of course but I’m now lying in the bath crying literally thinking how can I do more years of this? There’s literally no getting through to her. She’s stone hearted.

I’m just overwhelmed and sad about it. Ignore my rant sorry guys.

blow me I’m not enjoying this though and this deep worry that she’s going to mess her life up right before my eyes….

Oh @Pleasegivemeyourwisdom i 100% hear you. Bath is good, gin and wine and chocolate help too.

as a general rule, as long as the shit tip pit isn’t going to cause rodent infestation or anything that will devalue your home in the long term, lock the door and let her get on with it.

I also lost a fair amount of money when dd signed up for world challenge, easy come easy go, she had a cheaper Christmas that year.

she will not mess her life up, schools go on and on about this is it you have one chance etc etc. both my dd had a dreadful y12 and started again from scratch. Both are now doing very well. OU you don’t need any qualifications at all, not so much as a gcse. There are so many alternatives that they never mention at school. The initial aim is A levels by 18 uni degree by 21 but in reality so many kids these days spend their 20s sorting out their mh and finding a proper career.

if you can’t rant here where can you?
sending hugs and virtual g&t but tomorrow make sure you take some time for you the only way to get through this is finding time and things that you enjoy 💐

Thank you for the wise words and listening

you’ve really helped xx

I once threatened to take a photo and send it to her head of year ! Made sod all difference.

I’ve made a sign for her door I know it is my shit and I know everything

Rocks, you made me laugh !!!!

The worry, stress and sometimes anger can be exhausting and overwhelming. But don’t worry too much about her future. Firstly she is likely to be fine- you have other children that are doing fine and you will have instilled same values into her as you have to them. She likely will grow out of this and secondly, ultimately it is her life to either have a good one or to mess up. You have given her the building blocks and then it is up to them. You can’t control that. Hope you feel better

Well this morning was ruined by T Rex. I wanted to go out to a community church. T rex started on a rant and I said I wanted her to come once every 4 weeks as else she stays home in bed and doesn’t nothing. She agreed.

We have to leave at 9.45 am and at 10.15 I was done - and screaming at her - as every sodding day she is late for everyone - I have heart issues - I’m sure it is going to give me a sodding heart attack. She was sniffing and sniping at her younger brother for an hour before
……Mummy Thomas is spitting toothpaste in the sink / mummy …. In a whiny voice and then ….. it is disgusting - spat out in slow motion. Etc and on it went. At 10.15 am I decided there was no point in going as we would be far too late hence her appearing with sad face ** I’m ready now Mummy we can go. I was shaking with rage.

I ended up shouting at her I have to believe there is a bigger purpose to my life that this….

ffs honestly I can’t cope - every sodding day she is late for everything - doesn’t matter if she has 10 minutes to get ready or ten bloody hours - she’s late. It’s rude

My daughter is messing her life up to. She has a boyfriend who has a weekend job and they are both smoking weed everday.
I got ger to quit but she had meltdowns and self harmed so has started again.

School and camhs have tried to help but even the counsellors say they can't make them quit unless they want to.

Short of locking her in her room. Which wouldn't help. I am at a loss. I just hope my daily nagging gets through but it just isn't.

She says nothing is interesting and whats the point in life. She said this before the weed too. Three years of camhs and we are in the same situation.

She just doesn't care. Gcses will be failed. Says she us bad at everything but then refuses to put effort in. She hasn't the iq to lose with weed.

I am a stressed heartbroken mess. Can never have a nice day. Without some stress or drama.

Oh guys 😞 I’m sorry

I hope both your days improve xxx

So after a screaming day with T rex trying to control everything and new rules agreed, I stupidity agree to drive to Tesco to get them a treat.

Brought them a treat - got back and shared it out equally between them and then said I want a bath with peace and quiet. Here’s a hot chocolate each and treat. Sit here and read your books nicely for 30 minutes.

I left the kitchen and turned my back and they started fighting … literally fighting. Treats were removed hot chocolate down the sink and I’ve spent 30 minutes in the bathroom with both kids talking at me through the bloody door.

seriously I have no partner and I just want to curl up into a ball and cry

it’s 24/7

Solidarity to all. We may all have different challenges but we all understand. It's bloody hard and it never feels like it will get better.

Sending an unmumsnetty hug, @Rocksonabeach

Hugs to you all. Had a rough, drama filled day just for a change. Boyfriend, weed smoking, total tip of a room squat like- I can relate to it all. I just want a peaceful, quiet life. Here's hoping we all have a better week ...

Sounds tough. I’m sorry. Rooting for you guys.

The ‘teenagers are nice thread’ (generalising much?) is back activated. I wonder if people see this one on active threads, then think, oh I’ll post on that one because mine are nice!

Id be thinking ….there but for the grace of god go I.

I do not think that we are parenting failures. We are however brutally honest and we know that some kids are just easier than others. That’s the bottom line, with so many other factors thrown in.