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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

son gave me a black eye

139 replies

nearlyemptynes · 16/06/2023 10:27

My DS 17 pushed me the other night during an argument when I said something I shouldn't have said about his girlfriend. He is now very sorry and we have apologised to each other. I have told him I am sorry about what I said but that nothing justifies his response. When he pushed me i whacked my head v hard off a wall and now have an awful black eye. He has seen it and is v remorseful. It is fathers day this weekend and we have things planned with btoh sets of grandparents. I cant let them see this, apart from anything else they don't need the stress. Am i wrong to cover it up with make up, if i can.

OP posts:

Blackbyrd · 16/06/2023 19:02

What happens the next time someone says something he doesn't like? Men should not be physically aggressive towards women. Simple as that. To sustain a black eye from being pushed into a wall takes some force and a serious amount of anger. Perhaps if the girlfriend's parents are so very wonderful he can go move in with them?
OP, don't cover it up especially as you will fool no one, lie to your father if you must about how you got it to avoid distressing him. And take a few photos of your injuries, just in case

DreamTheMoors · 16/06/2023 19:08

nearlyemptynes · 16/06/2023 10:41

I get where you are coming from I really do and I have had those conversations with him believe me. My parents just wouldn't cope with it, my dad has Alzheimers and would really struggle, I just don't want to ruin fathers day and create a load of stress they don't need.

It’ll never cover up with makeup. You’ll only make it look like a black eye that you’re trying to cover up with makeup.
If you’re going to go the misleading route, lie and say you tripped and fell and hit your occipital bone on a doorknob or something.
Yeah - that’s the ticket.

LaBefana · 16/06/2023 19:12

@DreamTheMoors

say you tripped and fell and hit your occipital bone on a doorknob or something.

I guess you're joking? That's what everybody says, more or less. Walked into a door is another one.

Honeychickpea · 16/06/2023 19:29

DreamTheMoors · 16/06/2023 19:08

Show quote history

OP could try arnica cream or gel. It is very effective on swelling and bruising, though I'm not sure if it will work several daus after the injury.

Brefugee · 17/06/2023 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

blalala34 · 17/06/2023 10:54

Honestly, I'd report him to the policy for the violence. This is how violent man get away with it, they say sorry next day and the victim covers up for them. You're just teaching him how he can get away with it when it happens again with another woman. May be his current girlfriend, may be his future wife, may be you again when you're older and more fragile. He has the instincts to be violent, he actually did hurt you and can do to anyone else on another outburst. It's a hard lesson but he needs to learn right now how violence against women can get him in trouble. Report him. Show him what happens. Show him abusers don't get away with a "sorry, I'm very remorseful". I would do it if it was with me and one of my sons, with my heart bleeding and in pieces and I'd still show them the hard way how these things work. And only wish he'd learn and never dare touch me in anger or any other woman ever again. It's hard but has to be done. Think about it.

blalala34 · 17/06/2023 10:55

Report to the police*

Stupid autocorrect

Lwrenagain · 17/06/2023 11:45

@Brefugee you're very passionate about this and I understand your feelings on it. I really hope its just you're a person who has their views and are sticking by them because they're yours simply because that's how you feel, not through personal trauma.
If the latter I do also hope that anything you've experienced to give you such strong feelings about violence is something that doesn't control your everyday life and you are safe and happy.
You're not wrong, violence isn't acceptable and we shouldn't tolerate it.
I know we disagreed on my posts when sharing here about my clumsy arsed DC, but that difference between us aside, even if we don't see eye to eye exactly, I do always enjoy seeing women advocate zero violence for others, especially in a domestic setting.
Doesn't mean that I would tell a dementia sufferer the truth, but I appreciate that you would do differently to me and I fully respect that.

BackAgainstWall · 17/06/2023 13:25

Personally, I wouldn’t go and pretend to be very ill.

If you involve the police, you risk them escalating this and it could have dire consequences for your DS.

Only you know your DS and whether he would do it again. In which case, I would involve the police.

Honeychickpea · 17/06/2023 13:44

BackAgainstWall · 17/06/2023 13:25

Personally, I wouldn’t go and pretend to be very ill.

If you involve the police, you risk them escalating this and it could have dire consequences for your DS.

Only you know your DS and whether he would do it again. In which case, I would involve the police.

OP doesn't have a crystal ball to know if it will happen again. My best guess is that there is always a first time but rarely a last time.

ImpromptuGathering · 17/06/2023 14:42

Contrast the replies on this thread with the ones where a 16 year old threw a bottle at his sick mum for not making him food.

It's ridiculous.

BackAgainstWall · 17/06/2023 22:22

@Honeychickpea
I didn’t say she had a crystal ball.
That’s the whole point.
IF this was the FIRST and LAST time, would you want your DS to have a criminal record?

Lwrenagain · 18/06/2023 07:12