son gave me a black eye

[nearlyemptynes]

My DS 17 pushed me the other night during an argument when I said something I shouldn't have said about his girlfriend. He is now very sorry and we have apologised to each other. I have told him I am sorry about what I said but that nothing justifies his response. When he pushed me i whacked my head v hard off a wall and now have an awful black eye. He has seen it and is v remorseful. It is fathers day this weekend and we have things planned with btoh sets of grandparents. I cant let them see this, apart from anything else they don't need the stress. Am i wrong to cover it up with make up, if i can.

OP are you going to come back and tell us what you said about teenage girl your son is dating?

Tsk. You want to be told your son's not a bad lad, but he is, and he's nearly a man.

If you weren't related, you would have called the police most likely. But know all he knows is that you won't and you'll paint your eye the right colour to avoid talking about it.

If his girlfriend has a brain, she will dump him faster than lightning.

what about his dad?

there never seems to be any father in these cases

For me it would be if the OP was preventing her son from leaving the argument as it changes who was abusing who.

But you did ask

I'd cover it it !, this time 1 , it was an accident,yes he pushed you but he didn't punch you which it what people will think , and 2 hopefully this is an one off but you will forever has your son labelled as violent..but I would make it clear if it ever happened again you would act differently

I agree. WTF is all this "a shove isn't all that bad"?

Why should she, are you looking for evidence that she "deserved" it?

Say the OP called the girlfriend a curry smelling *i (I’m not suggesting you did, just as an example)

Honestly, I might shove someone if they said something vile enough.

no-one 'deserves it' but the OP themselves admits that they are not completely innocent in this.

The OP has put just enough information in to try and completely blame her DS, some posters are just trying to see the shades of grey.

I think there are potentially situations in which someone can say words or complete actions that vastly increase the chance that an immature not-yet man will push out at someone.

Let's say she said his girlfriend was a gold digging slut who needs a good slap, or made a racist comment about her, then prevented him from leaving while saying "come on then", in that situation a shove to get away or get past would be much more understandable. If she simply said she isn't sure his girlfriend is right for him and he took offence and pushed her over then that's not understandable at all.

Failing to see any kind of nuance in situations and unequivocally accusing a 17 year old of domestic abuse without knowing all the facts is strange to me.

I'd say the same if it was his grandma's mothers day. Not everything is about men.

I'd teach my DC I'd protect vulnerable adults with alzheimers without a second thought.

Doesn't mean violence is acceptable

Plus, you have to be able to have fun with your children, he is a wonderful person I enjoy talking to, spending time with and being his mum.

that's as may be, @Lwrenagain but that doesn't cut the mustard unless you are very clear in your very first post that there are SEN issues. Because your first post is basically "boys will be boys suck it up"

How is he now? Does he understand that he has to be extra careful around everyone, even people who look bigger and stronger than him? Your excuses were disingenuous in your first post and you haven'T once apologised for what you actually said in it.

i hope you don't.
It is NEVER ok to be violent (caveat: to save yourself or a vulnerable person, and then only enough to get to safety)

I’m sorry this has happened but it begs the question of what you said about his girlfriend that made him react in this way if he’s usually a well-tempered young man?
It must have been quite awful whatever you said. I don’t condone him pushing you in anyway but PPs saying to call the police seems a bit excessive imo - If he’d have punched you square in the eye with full intention and meaning to injure you like this in such a way, then maybe that would be a different story but how I’m reading it is that you’ve been nasty about his girlfriend (we don’t know why because you haven’t disclosed), whom he cares a lot about and so he has reacted to that without thinking because you’ve deeply upset him and he’s just shoved you out the way to get out of the room to get away from you but because you obviously didn’t expect that shove from him you’ve fallen further back than what you would have had you been expecting it and subsequently hit your head. You both need to do better. As a grown adult you should already know better and know words can hurt.
Again not condoning what either of you have done. You’re both in the wrong. I might be in the minority here but saying nasty things about his girlfriend who I expect is also a teenager when you are a grown women is just awful no wonder he got upset and lost his temper.
He’s apologised to you because he obviously didn’t realise what has happened would happen and because you have raised a decent young man who can own up to his mistakes… people likening this to domestic abuse is bizarre. This is a young man, a teenager, reacting to a nasty comment about a young lady he cares about from his own mother and we don’t know the content of what she said - could have been racist, called her a slut, a whore etc we don’t know.
Two sides to every story and we’re just getting one and half here.

Would you say the same if the perpetrator was OP's husband or partner? I wouldn't say it no matter who committed the act of domestic violence.

It really isn't. I literally said if it happens again go the police. And once again "boys will be boys" is a gross saying and it's how little lads become rapists.

I didn't think I needed to disclose my sons SEN originally because hes a kid.
It's nothing to do with him being male in this situation.
I was 16 and did the terribly outdated C&R 3 day training course for my new job, came home and immediately "chicken winged" poor DM.
I'm very much female, no sen, just being a dick to my mother. Luckily, she didn't press charges.

I have not said anything disingenuous, if I had I'd be the first to apologise.

Believe all you want I'm raising Trevor Jordache for all I care, literally today I posted in chat (no replies as ever) and I mentioned domestic abuse in there.

I've also under my name change posted about other things regarding DV, feel free to inbox me and I'll send you the thread.

Because I don't agree with stressing out an elderly person with dementia, doesn't mean I'd excuse violence.
I've just worked with many many dementia sufferers and seeing them distressed is the absolute worst.
OP's DDad may not have many more fathers days he will even know her, why on earth she would let this one result in worry and anxiety because her son has fucked up is beyond me.

Punish him accordingly, tell other family, tell the police to come out, don't let an elderly man already confused and distressed worry himself even more.
It's cruel.

I agree. Difficult to judge without the whole story.

No, because this isn’t a husband or partner. This is a kid whose brain won’t be fully developed for at least another 8 years when he’s in his mid-20s reacting to nasty words from his own mum and likely just pushing past her to get out of the room.

Is shoving past someone who’s just called your girlfriend a ???? definitely domestic violence?

It might be that the OP said she didn’t like the girlfriend’s hairstyle (very unreasonable shove).

It might be that the OP called the girlfriend a black bastard (arguably less surprising a shove)

Sometimes, things aren’t cut and dried.

Where did the "shoving past to escape from the room/argument" narrative come from? It's not in the OP's posts. I think it's in the minds of the domestic abusers excusers.

Under the government's definition of domestic abuse, this includes family members. If anyone on this thread is being pushed, hit or controlled by a member of their family, this would be domestic abuse. There does not need to be a sexual relationship or one in the past for this to be true.

Seriously? What kind of world do you live in. You don't push or shove people about either at home or in the street.

The same place as the DS punching the OP in the face.
But then that comes from those supporting the OP so that's apparently OK.

it is not ok to perpetrate violence on someone who has used words.

How do people not get this?

Or is it ok for someone to get a smack in the face for calling someone the n-word? or the p-word? misgendering them? where is the line?