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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What age do you expect your offspring to move out?

113 replies

Twobigsapphires · 13/03/2023 17:27

Ds is 19 and dropped out of uni. Is now working full time in a reasonably (for his age) paid job. Pays minimal board. Overall he’s reasonably easy to live with, although I do get annoyed at his gf being here all the time. I’m starting to wonder if he’ll ever move out!
I wonder what the reality is now for young people. It just feels like I’m sharing my house with an adult lodger and I’m missing my own space somewhat. Due to the cost of living etc do I just need to accept that our kids will live with us for some time to come?

OP posts:
Ragwort · 13/03/2023 17:31

Personally I wouldn't make it too cushy, I wouldn't be allowing the GF to visit all the time (is she staying over?) ... my DS is currently at Uni and I am assuming he will not return home long term after he graduates... not exactly kicking him out but career opportunities are limited where we live and for his own future it would be much better to live independently.
But if he does return to live at home no way would I be enabling a GF to move in.

Original poster
Twobigsapphires · 13/03/2023 17:35

I only allow gf to sleepover at the weekend. She is no problem at all and a nice girl / good influence. But she is here all weekend. They also seem to end up back at ours each day on a week day too, but she’ll head home about 10/11pm - some nights he goes back with her and stays at hers.
I don’t feel like I’m making it too cushy. But I’ve got no reason to make his life hell or crack down on him as he really doesn’t cause too much of an issue. Guess I just don’t feel like there’s at end in sight and I’ll have a full house forever!

OP posts:
gogohmm · 13/03/2023 17:37

Mid 20's here, no sign of going yet. Saving to buy us a priority, far better than landlords taking their money. If dsd gets the job she has interviewed for I suspect we'll have her for 3-4 more years whilst she gets her 10% deposit, not cheap here

DibbleDooDah · 13/03/2023 17:40

Have the chat. Talk to him about your expectations in terms of savings whilst he’s at yours and come up with a timeframe you both agree on for him moving out. Be realistic too - he may well have to rent as opposed to buying.

LampsWantLove · 13/03/2023 17:41

Eldest Ds is at uni, the plan is he moves back home as we live in a large city with plenty of job opportunities, When he gets a job he saves hard. He is already calculating how much he lives on now and he won't be paying for food when he is home. He is money savvy and a saver anyway so I cannot see this changing with a paid job. He has access to thousands of pounds and put it into a LISA to go toward his house deposit. He knows he will never have it as cushy again living at home with no rent or bills after uni.

Same with youngest, his plan is also uni and then home to save. We won't be downsizing for another decade so that they both can live here, however, we do have space so each child has a bedroom and also a separate gaming study room each meaning we don't all have to crowd into one lounge. Dh and I are often in the lounge together and the children join us for tv shows or movies but also spend time together and alone too.

WhyOhWine · 13/03/2023 17:47

i think it is a bit hard to tell until you are in that position.
Mine are currently at uni and DH and I are always delighted when they are home.

We live in London so are expecting there may be a time when it makes sense for them to live at home when they are starting off at work. However, i have not really thought about how long we would be comfortable with. They are both quite independent and sociable so ultimately think they would prefer to flat share with friends and it would be a last resort to be at home so they are likely to want to move out before we reach the stage of wanting them to.

However, we are still at the stage that we are not yet used to the empty nest, so might feel quite differently as we adjust, and they may become harder to live with as they get older having been used to independence.

FrenchandSaunders · 13/03/2023 17:48

Mine are both 22, one has graduated and stayed in her uni town, renting. The other is only just starting out on her career path locally and isn't earning great money.

It's difficult to buy property here in the SE so I expect the DD living with us will stay for quite a bit longer. However, she may also choose to rent.

I have nephews who live at home in their mid 30s and I'd draw the line at that.

Verylongtime · 13/03/2023 17:49

Mine are mid-20s and both live at home again after university. I can’t see them ever moving out in the foreseeable future. We are in London.

Ragwort · 13/03/2023 17:55

You say you aren't making it too 'cushy' but what incentive has your DS got to move out? If he can invite his GF over for weekends and most evenings & only pays minimal 'board' it does sound like a very comfortable set up. As a PP suggests .... have a serious chat with your DS and discuss his long term plans? Does he want his own place? Is he saving for a deposit? My DS has been saving for his first deposit for ages (Help To Buy Isa) so he has got a clear objective.

SomePeopleAreJustBloodyStupid · 13/03/2023 17:57

At 19, your son is still a kid.

Mine left at 25 and 28. Both moved back in, separately, temporarily when relationships ended.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 13/03/2023 17:58

Probably when I'm too old to
Look after them as they have a disability but their older sibling flew the nest at 21.
She saved for a few years first to put down a good sized deposit on her first house.

SirChenjins · 13/03/2023 18:03

Mid twenties here - she’s saving hard for a deposit (we live in a v expensive city) and working f/t so it’s no problem for her to stay here until she can get onto the property ladder. She moved out to go to university but came back when she got a job locally.

19 is very young - if he’s saving for a place of his own it’s great that you can support that.

fuzzbearpenguin · 13/03/2023 18:03

You need to have a firm chat. Explain exactly like you have on here. He is now an adult and it's not fair his girlfriend is at yours so much. Even if she's not sleeping at yours during the week if she's there every evening she may as well be.
New rules. She can come to the house every other weekend and visit 2 evenings during the week.
Does he do his share of cooking/chores? If not he needs to do some.
May give him the rocket up his bum he needs.

GreenLeavesRustling · 13/03/2023 18:06

We will definitely support DCs at home while they save to buy, if that is what they want. I love having them around, they are helpful and sensible. I anticipate they will be out by 25.

Johnduttonsbuttocks · 13/03/2023 18:08

ASAP.

Autienotnautie · 13/03/2023 18:18

Tbf if he's in a fairly basic wage job realistically he could only afford to move out if he house shares. I expected my dds to be with me until at least mid 20's. Eldest actually moved out after uni and shared with friends for a year. She has since moved home to save for a house deposit. Younger dd is still at uni. I'd sooner they live at home and save than spend a fortune on rent.

Ihatethenewlook · 13/03/2023 18:23

SomePeopleAreJustBloodyStupid · 13/03/2023 17:57

At 19, your son is still a kid.

Mine left at 25 and 28. Both moved back in, separately, temporarily when relationships ended.

He’s not a ‘kid’ in any sense of the word. He’s made the decision to drop out of school and is now working a full time job.
Op it completely depends on peoples individual circumstances, we can’t answer for you. It sounds like he has no intention of going back into education, and I’m assuming he doesn’t need to live with his mum to further his career. If he’s getting settled staying at home with him mum to wait on him hand and foot, plus cater for his girlfriend every weekend, I’d say it’s time to give him a bit of a push in deciding what his next step will be. For me that wouldn’t be continuing to work a dead end job while paying his mum a few quid board with no attempt to sort his life out.

Iloveenidblyton · 13/03/2023 18:25

I’d rather my kids, early 20’s, live with me and contribute to bills so they can save for their own property, rather than give the money to a landlord.

EmilyGilmoresSass · 13/03/2023 18:26

Could you possibly charge him more board, but put it to the side without his knowledge to help him save for a deposit for a starter home?

StarDolphins · 13/03/2023 18:32

My Mum wanted me to leave v young but no way I will do that with my DD - she is welcome to stay until around 30 I guess!

Tallulasdancingshoes · 13/03/2023 18:34

Think it’s getting harder and harder. Dh and I bought our first house at 25 so fully moved out of home then, but did go to uni and travel afterwards so wasn’t at home full time until then. One of our neighbours still has one son who is early 30s still at home. Their other son (similar age) moved out last year with his girlfriend. I also have a colleague who is 33 and still living at home. She’s single and would love to move out, but can’t really afford to on a single salary. She’s trying to save enough for a house deposit because she says if she moves out and rents she’ll never be able to afford her own place. She does admit though that life is very easy at home. She gets on well with her family and is ‘looked after’ by her mum and dad.

MrsMullerBecameABaby · 13/03/2023 18:34

My eldest is not quite 18 but we live in an expensive (though quite inconvenient public transport wise) area.

We've been clear for a while what we'll expect board wise from the children once they're no longer in full time education, but have never said when they have to be out by 🤣

Still we have had some conversations around the subject and I think 25 is a fully fledged adult who shouldn't be living with parents unless they have additional needs or extenuating circumstances and all being " typical" would be a line I don't want to cross... There's no arguing that they're "young adults" in the sense of not quite grown up once they finish their 25th year...

I'd expect them to move out somewhere between 20 and 23 realistically, but would have no reservations at all about setting a deadline of 25.

Obviously as long as no life changing negative things happen meaning any of them are dependent longer.

Findyourneutralspace · 13/03/2023 18:35

Mine’s 20 and hasn’t found his feet yet. He’ll be a while before he’s ready. DS2 may leave to go to uni at 18 but likelihood is he’ll stay local and live at home. I think I have another five years with them both if I’m honest, and I’m happy with that.

MissMaple82 · 13/03/2023 18:36

Twobigsapphires · 13/03/2023 17:35

I only allow gf to sleepover at the weekend. She is no problem at all and a nice girl / good influence. But she is here all weekend. They also seem to end up back at ours each day on a week day too, but she’ll head home about 10/11pm - some nights he goes back with her and stays at hers.
I don’t feel like I’m making it too cushy. But I’ve got no reason to make his life hell or crack down on him as he really doesn’t cause too much of an issue. Guess I just don’t feel like there’s at end in sight and I’ll have a full house forever!

Bloody hell he's 19 ffs, he's not even fully developed yet

Motheranddaughter · 13/03/2023 18:36

I don’t have any particular expectations
Eldest has moved out already
Other 2 still at University
Expect they will come home after that,it’s their home as long as they want it