What age do you expect your offspring to move out?

[Twobigsapphires]

Ds is 19 and dropped out of uni. Is now working full time in a reasonably (for his age) paid job. Pays minimal board. Overall he’s reasonably easy to live with, although I do get annoyed at his gf being here all the time. I’m starting to wonder if he’ll ever move out!
I wonder what the reality is now for young people. It just feels like I’m sharing my house with an adult lodger and I’m missing my own space somewhat. Due to the cost of living etc do I just need to accept that our kids will live with us for some time to come?

There's still ages to go for my little ones but my children can stay as long as they wish unless they buy or get into a serious relationship and buy together with partner/wife. One thing that has taught me living through covid is that people should live alone by choice. With property prices so high especially in London where we live, I would rather they save up for a deposit than pay a landlord. My home will always be their home.

I didn't have a supportive home I wanted to stay in so ended up going into a house share at 18 whilst working full time. Although I don't regret leaving that home, I wish I'd had the kind of home I could have stayed in to save! I honestly don't think I'll ever be able to buy as I've always been stuck paying rent. Let him stay and save.

I'm hoping mine stay with me forever !
Though saying that, they are 17 and 15 so I may change my mind in a few years time

Daughter is 19 and won't move back after uni as she's just buying her first flat after being lucky enough to inherit. SS age 22 also won't move back after uni. SS age 16... Well he's yet to go to uni but would hope he would follow their lead to be honest.

I won’t be encouraging mine to move out before they have the means to. We accept they will have to live here longer than in the past as it is almost impossible to save a deposit to buy somewhere and renting is astronomical around here. I’d far rather they stay and save to buy then get stuck in the long term expensive rent trap.

I would never have been forced out by my parents and would have hated to feel like they wanted me out.

I also wanted to add my friend also comes from a family with a similar mindset to me where "my home is their home" mentality and when she left her marriage (abusive and controlling marriage) she didn't have to think twice and prolong her marriage unnecessarily because she had nowhere to go. She had a choice to pack up and leave and move back in with her parents with her 3 year old. She did move out after over a year from her parents once everything settled and is back on her feet again and I'm happy for her that she had supportive parents and help to be able to do so.

I get the impression that some posters are rather naive about the current rental market. DD stayed in her university city, but spent months going between home and there and sofa surfing to find somewhere to rent.

So many landlords where she lives will only rent to students or have sold their property, and rental properties are in short supply. As a newly graduated young person she still needed me as guarantor as well.

Luckily she found work within days of moving in to her flat.

My 2 are still at home, 27 and 30, one single, one with gf who lives 3 hours away. They both save most of their money. I’ve never charged rent but they do pay for our holidays, theatre trips, meals out, takeaways. We live in SE where even a 1 bed flat is over £200,000, so although they’ve got good savings, they are nowhere near enough to take on such big mortgages. I get the gf being at your house a lot, we had this with previous gf, we used to say 3 nights a week she wasn’t to come round.

I never really understand folks who think their parental responsibilities end at 18. I don’t mean you op. But from some of these answers irs clear some folks just want their own kids to fuck off. Even advocating you make his left hard.

id urge you to support him in looking at longer term, his transition to adulthood and independence, his career, savings etc and help him device a plan. The answer is not for him to get to fuck as soon as possible

and I’d urge you to think, when you had him, did you think I’ll give him till 18 then I want my own space back ad he can do one.

Interesting how certain cultures don't move out but others are thinking about kicking teenagers out

I would be happy for mine to live with us as long as they like - dd is 19 and at university at present, ds is 11 and has special needs so will probably never live independently. But - the thing that always stands out to me in these threads is so many people want their children to stay at home until they can afford to buy somewhere. Perhaps buying property is out of reach for most now, maybe that will never happen for most in the future? (I say that as a homeowner but I think we might be in the minority in the future). In many European counties it’s normal and expected to rent. I don’t think young people should be expecting to live at home purely because they can’t buy or until they’ve saved a deposit.

Eldest (21) is at Uni in London and having talked to him about it, his plan isn't to come back, if that doesn't work out, then back he comes if he wants to.

Youngest (16) knows exactly what his plans are. Off to College, the Uni and if that all works out, he probably won't be back either.

They have their plans and so far, it's all worked out as they have wanted.

There's a big difference between 'throwing a DC out' and 'encouraging independence'. My DPs never threw me or my siblings out but we all wanted our own independence and looked forward to getting our first place ... and I would hope my DS is the same which is why he has savings & we talk about deposits etc. Too many young adults seem happy to live at home because it is so cushy ... there are numerous threads on here about DC taking advantage, of course not all teenagers/young adults are like that but it does happen.

I think how adult children live at home, and then when they move out, is actually more important to when they leave.

Being babied and mollycoddled to 23/24 is more of an issue, imo, than loving at home as a proper adult until 28/29.

One of my DDs friends “moved out” at 19 and her mother goes on often about her independence and the likes… The parents pay the rent. Her mother batch cooks for her weekly. She has a cleaner and sends her washing to the launderette. Mine were more independent at 14!

@Xrays we’re not Europe - we have a completely different approach to renting here and in many places (including our home city) rental is non-existent or incredibly expensive - why on Earth would you pay a landlord’s mortgage when you could spend a few years living with your parents and saving for a deposit? On the flip side, my son is moving abroad for a period of time and considering renting out his flat - the legal hoops he has to go through to get it ready for renting and the fact that there’s a limited ban on the enforcement of evictions in Scotland until end Sept when it will be reviewed (he can serve eviction notice to a tenant on the limited grounds and get an order from the Sheriff Court or First-tier Tribunal during this time - very difficult to do from the other side of the world) means he’s thinking seriously about whether he wants the hassle.

With all that, of course many young people will live at home until they can buy.

When they want to.

I moved out at 25. My two brothers were similar ages.

Once they get a full time job I will expect them to pay 1/4 of their wages for rent and bills, and be expected to pull their weight around the house but they are my children for life. Their partners will also be welcome (as my now husband was and my brothers now wives were).

They're unlikely to want to stay well into adulthood as the three boys share a bedroom (we have four children in a three bed), but as long as they want to, it's their home.

my situation was similar, left at 19yrs never went back. If my relationship broke down it wouldn’t be an option to go back. No reason she just doesn’t want me too. I think I’ll be happy for my two to stay as long as they needed too. With ground rules.

He’s not a ‘kid’ in any sense of the word. He’s made the decision to drop out of school and is now working a full time job

Wow! Harsh - do you know this person?

There are some harsh replies on this thread. Almost as if people don't even like their kids.

Mine are welcome to stay for as long as it takes. They pay board money and work - absolutely no trouble at all to me personally. Not every person is equipped to go to university, get a fab degree, and come out into a high paying job.

I'm not sure tbh, I have 2 DC early twenties and 2 DC in their teens.
Oldest is at uni, but will come home afterwards, second DC is doing an apprenticeship and would love to move out but rent would be all their wage.
Third will go to uni this year, youngest has autism and anxiety and i think living independently will be very tricky for them.
Their older cousins moved out late twenities but their parents helped significantly and in one case paid rent.
It's difficult for a young person to be able to afford to move out particularly in home counties/ London.
I hope for their sake they all move out by 30 as it would be a lot better for them to have their own place but I wouldn't kick them out.
Atm I don't mind having them at home, they are out a lot and actually wish we spent a bit more time together. However having a large household does increase the housework etc.

I know we’re not the same as many other countries. The point I was making is that we still seem to have this expectation amongst older people that the only valid choice and expectation in terms of housing is owning a home. And perhaps that just isn’t achievable for the vast majority of people anymore. I do understand the difficulties of the rental market - I actually worked in housing for many years - but we’ve now gotten into this very weird state of young adults and older younger adults living at home far longer than they should or should want to because they won’t rent and their parents won’t expect them to rent. I don’t think that helps anyone long term.

Won’t rent? Can’t rent in many cases - did you see what I said about availability and cost? Why put yourself through that when you can stay at home and save for a deposit?

19 is still a kid. Good for him working full time and having a lovely, sensible girlfriend. Many people would give their right arm for such a 19 year old.

If things go to plan DS and his GF will be on a combined income of 57k by next September , that’s good for a 21 and 22 year old. They plan to move in together probably just before Christmas. He is saving for a house deposit, he pays some rent but we do not need it. I am perfectly happy for him to stay as long as he likes. He is a very respectful young man. He had friends round on Saturday, they are really nice young people. His GF is lovely.

DS had quite a strict upbringing, I am Chinese and had a very traditional very strict childhood. His English Dad meant it was a watered down version. I have always been very clear about what was acceptable.

I'm assuming kids will be with us for some time. Certainly if my oldest follows what they want to do (socially valuable, low pay) there's very little chance they'll be able to afford anywhere in London at the start of their career. But we have a reasonable amount of space and money so it's be happy to put up with a while in their 20s to help them get started in life.

I was talking to dd1 17 about this on Saturday. We have a pain in the arse situation where my two step sons (under 10) live with us 60% of the time but go to school an hour and 15 mins away. When my DD's (17 and 16) are through school in 2.5 years or so for the younger, our plan is to move nearer the DSS's schools to save on our commuting costs and time, and so they can be near their friends and social life for their teen years. We would buy a house big enough for my DD's to come too, or come and stay at when they want, but obvs it wouldn't be where they grew up. I had assumed they would go to uni/start work and would want to move out at that point. Additionally their Dad,who they live with 30% of the time, lives where we live now so they could equally stay with him if they didn't want to move with us.
So they will have choices and still a place with us if they want it-just in a different location.
Dd1 was outraged! She said I was choosing my step children over her and why wouldn't I be bothered that she might not live with me? I had to explain to her that at 19 I would have thought she wouldn't want to live with me anymore but that whilst she could if she chose to move with us, we can't base our life choices around staying where she grew up when by that time she will be a young adult herself!

Dd2 wasn't bothered mind.