What age do you expect your offspring to move out?

[Twobigsapphires]

Ds is 19 and dropped out of uni. Is now working full time in a reasonably (for his age) paid job. Pays minimal board. Overall he’s reasonably easy to live with, although I do get annoyed at his gf being here all the time. I’m starting to wonder if he’ll ever move out!
I wonder what the reality is now for young people. It just feels like I’m sharing my house with an adult lodger and I’m missing my own space somewhat. Due to the cost of living etc do I just need to accept that our kids will live with us for some time to come?

Same here.

I don't get the MN obsession of making sure all your DC are independent and off hand by the time they reach 18. How awful for the kids to not feel welcome in their own home and to feel their parents are plotting to get rid of them.

Just by way of an anecdotal example. Talking about renting v buying, in the SE, 40 miles from central London. DS2 has just bought a new build flat. His mortgage is £500 a month. Same flat as a rental are going for £1200 a month. And they are all being snapped up so it must be the going rate. BFs son can’t rent a room in the area for less than £700. That’s why parents are often happy to have young adults home saving a deposit. So far as age to leave, I’d say 25-30 is a reasonable upper limit. All depends upon circumstances though.

I dont have expectation that my dcs will move out as such.
im expecting them to live their life. One of them is at Uni, the other will be next year. They are welcome back whenever they want.

As to what will happen when they finish Uni… I’m hoping theyll find a good enough job and have their own house when they graduate. I’m aware that it might not happen (seeing friends around me, many move back home for a few months/years until they’ve found a good enough job).
Tbh if you look at the cost of living - rental, food, electricity etc…. - it’s pretty hard for a 19yo to be financially independent tbh.

I think being at home during 20s is already not seen as that unusual or to be looked down on, nor are stints in parental home in your 30s. It's just the economic reality - I think a lot of parents feel that if they have the space it's fine for their kids to use it to build up their financial resources, or if they're in a tight spot.

My eldest bought her own house at 27 but was renting in her uni city until the pandemic. Coming back here for lockdown meant she was able to save for a deposit and we helped her out too.

If I had a mid 20s offspring working and living at home, I'd want them to be saving hard to move out. My own nephew is 20 and making no effort to save, he works full time but seems to spend it all on expensive clothes and holidays, I feel sorry for his parents!

I'm sure it can work if you all muck in as adults but lots of the adult dc I know who live at home still live like young teenagers with parents doing all the domestic work.

I often wonder about this. We have DSS living with us who is 24, with good job but blows every penny he earns on clothes, holidays and going out - no contributions to bills etc or saving up to get his own place. I was hoping that seeing his friends move out and be independent might motivate him but no, he's got absolutely no intention of looking at moving out soon.

He's no real trouble to live with apart from the odd thing here and there but I do wonder how many years he'll carry on like this for!

Personally I think 19 is still very young nowadays. Of course some people are living independently with babies and a mortgage by then, but very few and are they really making good decisions?

I fully expect mine to live at home or boomerang until mid-20s, same as I did. If you need to make boundaries about his girlfriend spending all her time there then do that.

Ds can stay as long as he wants. We bought the house we have as it was suitable for us long term (3 generations living in it currently). There's space for him for as long as he likes.

That’s not real boomeranging, @Pleaseaddcaffine , that’s a temporary stay while a house purchase is sorted out.

I’m talking about informing your elderly parents that you’re moving back home for an indefinite period…a friend’s brother recently did this at 44. Their Mum was welcoming, but after a month, she wondered when he’d be leaving; after two, she asked him what his plans were! He wasn’t in a difficult financial situation, he just fancied some time being looked after by his 79-year-old Mum!

Some interesting thoughts and opinions on here, it’s really made me think. I had a really dysfunctional childhood so moved out for uni at 18 and never went back, as did a lot of my peers. Things were different back then I know. I am of course happy to support my ds and I appreciate he isn’t a massive bother. I guess I just hadn’t really imagined still having dc at home way into adulthood as seems to be the case nowadays. I also have two other teens a few years younger.
our house, whilst not tiny, isn’t huge and the thought of 5 of us living here way into their adulthood feels a bit intense that’s all, it’s not a case of wanting to wash my hands of my dc when they are 18.

Me too - although my mother kept registering me to vote (against my wishes) and on the census as living with them when I was at university and stayed in my university town in the holidays to work, visiting my parents for a few days (never as long as a week) each long holiday... and when I moved abroad for a job straight out of university having again only spent a week with my parents between graduation and leaving the country... and when I returned to the UK and lived in a flat share in a city at the opposite end of the country. It wasn't until I actually bought my own property that she'd admit that I'd moved out even though I never stayed longer than a week (and rarely that long) after the age of 18 and when living abroad didn't even visit the UK for two years!

I think parents of students usually say their offspring live with them even if they realistically don't spend the long holidays in the parental home. It's a psychological limbo time I guess - so your parents might believe that you lived with them until you were 21...

Sometimes parents convince themselves that their offspring are "boomerang-ing" or "living at home" when they aren't! In my mother's case she just wanted to have the same things to moan about as her friends and didn't want to admit I wasn't constantly showing up with bags of laundry and staying for weeks, for some reason. Surely she should have been proud that I was independent...

Times have changed for the worse financially though and I think we can't necessarily really expect 18/19/20 year olds to be able to afford to move put properly any more.

I was 24 when I left home so not long after university and when settled in my career. Mistake I made was to get married at 25 with no experience behind me. Currently going through a divorce at 50 realising my mistake.

19 is a bit young I’d say. I’d expect them to find their own place between 25 and 30.

Eldest moved in with girlfriend at 22, now married with own home, younger two (20/24) both at Uni, still at home. I am assuming once the eldest gets a job after he finishes his Masters he might want to move out but we live in a very expensive city (not UK) so if it takes a while that is fine. We have a huge house though, don’t have to share bathrooms or even living spaces if we don’t want to so I see no point in either of them paying rent to someone else while we are still here. We travel a lot so like someone at home looking after house and dog, right now everyone is happy.