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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What age do you expect your offspring to move out?

113 replies

Twobigsapphires · 13/03/2023 17:27

Ds is 19 and dropped out of uni. Is now working full time in a reasonably (for his age) paid job. Pays minimal board. Overall he’s reasonably easy to live with, although I do get annoyed at his gf being here all the time. I’m starting to wonder if he’ll ever move out!
I wonder what the reality is now for young people. It just feels like I’m sharing my house with an adult lodger and I’m missing my own space somewhat. Due to the cost of living etc do I just need to accept that our kids will live with us for some time to come?

OP posts:
DarkNecessities · 13/03/2023 18:37

No expectations really. They’re always welcome here, it’s their home

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 13/03/2023 18:38

Ours ultimately went at 29, 26 and 28. Boomeranged back and forth. All saving for deposits.

19 is still very young.

Motheranddaughter · 13/03/2023 18:38

I do think it would have been different if they had stayed home for Uni

BestIsWest · 13/03/2023 18:40

Ours went away for uni, came back and then moved out at 23 and 24. Don’t underestimate the cost of renting and the scarcity of rentals.

19 is very young still.

MsCunk · 13/03/2023 18:51

I don't see any good purpose in infantalising an adult child.

fuzzbearpenguin · 13/03/2023 18:56

MsCunk · 13/03/2023 18:51

I don't see any good purpose in infantalising an adult child.

Totally agree. At this age fine to live with parents if he's being treated as an adult. If he wants to live like it's a full paid house share he needs to contribute as such.

moppatoppa · 13/03/2023 19:00

My children can stay with me for as long as they want/need.

We do have plenty of room (they've their own floor inc bathroom and we have two living rooms) so I appreciate we're fortunate.

Dacadactyl · 13/03/2023 19:04

I would be happy for my kids to live with us for as long as they needed to.

However, if they were paying me a nice low rent but having flashy holidays more than once every couple of years and generally pissing money up the wall, I wouldn't stand for it. I would have to actively see that they were saving up for a deposit.

If i didnt see effort in this regard, they would be given a date to move out by and if they still wanted to live here they'd be charged market rent.

I don't accept that "it's so hard to get on the housing ladder" (London and some of the South East excepted) I think people have to make sacrifices and if they're not prepared to do it, they don't get to live here til kingdom come.

Crumpetdisappointment · 13/03/2023 19:08

19 seems young
two of mine went to uni
one didnt and stayed at home til mid 20s, when he had a gf to move in with.
i am happy about that
my own dm was tactless about him still being at home but no point in rushing out if you are not ready
i left home at 19 to work in a big city

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 13/03/2023 19:12

SomePeopleAreJustBloodyStupid · 13/03/2023 17:57

At 19, your son is still a kid.

Mine left at 25 and 28. Both moved back in, separately, temporarily when relationships ended.

19 is certainly not a kid!

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 13/03/2023 19:17

I don't accept that "it's so hard to get on the housing ladder" (London and some of the South East excepted) I think people have to make sacrifices and if they're not prepared to do it, they don't get to live here til kingdom come

Do you have any young adult offspring who’ve tried to buy houses?

Ds saved as much as he could when he was with us. He was very frugal, on not a bad wage. It still took him a long time to get a deposit. In a northern city.

KillingLoneliness · 13/03/2023 19:21

Mine aren’t near that age yet but my younger cousins are all mid/late 20’s and still at home. Getting a mortgage is just near impossible right now and the rents are extortionate so they don’t have the option to move out and my family don’t want to see them struggling.

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 13/03/2023 19:22

19 is still young.

People often refer to anyone over the age of 18 as being a grown up but the reality is we now know the brain doesn't mature until mid to late twenties.

Although in FE my DD has CFS so is unlikely to move out for some time.

It really takes its toll financially.

RunTowardsTheLight · 13/03/2023 19:22

My kids are teenagers, I'm expecting to have them with us for many more years to come!

Crumpetdisappointment · 13/03/2023 19:24

i remember about 15 years ago a colleague whose ds was 26 and still at home

i think this is the way of the UK

Dacadactyl · 13/03/2023 19:25

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 13/03/2023 19:17

I don't accept that "it's so hard to get on the housing ladder" (London and some of the South East excepted) I think people have to make sacrifices and if they're not prepared to do it, they don't get to live here til kingdom come

Do you have any young adult offspring who’ve tried to buy houses?

Ds saved as much as he could when he was with us. He was very frugal, on not a bad wage. It still took him a long time to get a deposit. In a northern city.

No but I was in the position of wanting to buy myself. For our first house we bought a run down terrace in not a great area further North... having moved from the South (too expensive to buy down there on one wage) To save the deposit, we went without. This was in 2010 and there are still now houses available for the equivalent of what we paid back then up here.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 13/03/2023 19:28

I’d rather my dc stayed at home and saved a deposit rather than buy where they don’t want to. Houses in better locations increase their value faster.

Dacadactyl · 13/03/2023 19:30

Yes well that's why it took him forever to save up then.

As it stood, I didn't want to be living with either set of our parents longer than necessary and we had a toddler too. Was time to stand on our own 2 feet.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 13/03/2023 19:34

What was his alternative. To live with the spiceheads and druggies?

illiterato · 13/03/2023 19:36

I wouldn't expect them to come back after Uni tbh. I kind of hope they'll be off doing things they couldn't do under my roof.

Phonemonkey2023 · 13/03/2023 19:36

We’ve told my DS he will have to contribute financially when he’s 18 so he’s decided to move in with his father full time as he’s told him he wouldn’t have to pay anything to live with him.

bigbluebus · 13/03/2023 19:37

26 year old still here having moved back after uni. Saving deposit for house but not currently earning enough to get a big enough mortgage to buy on one income and doesn't have a GF currently so not much chance of that changing in the short term. He is looking for a better job.

Oddbobbyboo · 13/03/2023 19:43

My eldest is 24, finished uni and stayed with us to save money x he's just got a undergrad job and is relocating next month x

iamenough2023 · 13/03/2023 19:44

I have 25, 22 and almost 19 yo and they all live with me. Where we live rent (an especially mortgage) is enormous and I honestly feel sorry for the kids. I am sure they would love to move out but they simply cannot for now. I know my oldest is saving up, the other two, not at all. I will never kick them out and I love that they are safe under my roof. It does get cramped sometimes though. As I am getting older I feel like I need peace and quiet more then before and to be by myself. We will see.

Dacadactyl · 13/03/2023 19:46

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 13/03/2023 19:34

What was his alternative. To live with the spiceheads and druggies?

Lol.

Well if he needed a 5 bed detached in Jesmond or Alderley Edge for his first house and you were happy to subsidise him for years so that he could buy one, that's great.

But, as you know, there are less desirable areas that are not infested with drug addicts, which is the sort of place where we bought initially.

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