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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Think my son is involved in county lines

102 replies

Soworriedaboutgangs · 24/02/2023 17:38

I don’t know what to do

DS14 has completely changed over the passed couple of months. He frequently truants school, secretive about where he is, who he’s with. He lies all the time.

I have found drug paraphernalia such as rolling papers and grinder, he said they were his friends (probably lies).

I have stopped pocket money, confiscated his phone tried to ground him but it makes no difference.

He often sneaks out at night and I found he recently had a burner phone.

If I call the police and he’s working for county lines he will get hurt. He also has plenty of unexplained cash.

OP posts:
PurBal · 24/02/2023 17:45

OP I have no clue what to say but didn’t want to read and run. This all sounds very worrying. Thinking of you.

FebMama · 24/02/2023 18:01

Hi OP. Sounds so difficult but really great that you've spotted the potential warning signs and know what to look out for.

I work in Youth Justice, so work with young people involved in this kind of thing daily. It's a sticky situation as you've correctly pointed out, young people that are being exploited are at further risk if they are seen to "grass" or "snitch" on their exploiters.

Do you have any info such as names, car registrations (that he may be travelling in), locations (key hotspots that he travels to) that you can provide as intelligence to the Police? Sometimes they have existing info and any intel can help to piece the puzzle together when it comes to clamping down on the exploiters.

In the meantime when it comes to your son, have you tried talking to him about what your concerns are? What's his response? Does he have any positive activities like sports or music that he can engage in and you can encourage more of? If he isn't able to talk to you directly, does he have a relationship with anyone else like an extended family member that he might open up to?

Really sorry to hear you're going through this. It's a scary time out there for young people and sadly exploitation and county lines isn't going anywhere any time soon.

FebMama · 24/02/2023 18:04

Also, when sneaking out at night, if you are unsure as to where he is and he's not responding to you, report him as missing to the Police. The police will then begin to have a footprint of his missing episodes and it may act as a deterrent for him doing it again or may help the Police with any ongoing investigations that may be happening in the background. Chances are, if he's involved with an established gang or gang nominals, the police are already working on it in the background.

Original poster
Soworriedaboutgangs · 24/02/2023 18:10

He won’t talk to me he’s scared I can tell. I think he’s in a lot of trouble. He’s told me if I contact the police it’ll be ‘really bad’. I might follow him when he goes out next.

OP posts:
FebMama · 24/02/2023 18:16

@Soworriedaboutgangs can you search his room when he's out?

It's so hard but as much as you can, continue to encourage him to talk. Reassure him as best you can, it won't work straight away but persistence is so important but without overdoing it.

Where possible, increase family time, spend some quality time with him doing things that you know he enjoys. It may soften him and encourage him to talk up.

Can you speak to school? Are they aware of any names that he's mentioned or locations that he's travelling to?

If he's fully involved in county lines, local Police will often touch base with British Transport Police so that they can keep an eye out for any sightings of him at train stations etc.

determinedtomakethiswork · 24/02/2023 18:22

Don't follow him!

I would speak to the police, without giving his details, and ask for advice.

HarrietSchulenberg · 24/02/2023 18:26

Either speak to the police or contact your local children's safeguarding partnership - just google it. Ask for help, there is help out there for both you and him.

henchhen · 24/02/2023 18:31

OP I don't have any experience or advice, but as the mother of a slightly more vulnerable 13 year old I'm following this closely and thinking of you.

Quitelikeit · 24/02/2023 18:36

Op

Dont follow your son. I agree he is in trouble but you need to take advice from the experts in this area.

google ‘county lines support Newcastle’ for example or whatever area you live in

I believe they will see your son as a victim. You will not be the first parent worried out of your mind and there are organisations who can help you.

In the meantime can you take your son on a holiday or something? Away to visit family fir the weekend maybe?

DorritLittle · 24/02/2023 18:43

I also don’t know what to say but I am also thinking of you Op. This sounds very stressful.

FebMama · 24/02/2023 18:43

I would agree that following him only puts yourself at risk. You have no idea who he's mixing with at the moment so please don't put yourself in danger.

Louisetopaz21 · 24/02/2023 18:48

I had concerns that my daughter who is now older was in the same situation. I found drugs and she was going missing on a night. I reported her missing to the police and her behaviour changed that she physically attacked me several times and was arrested. The police were good and got a specialist youth team involved who gathered Intel without her knowing and passed it onto the police. She was supported around her behaviour and any friendships were disrupted and it all stopped. She was train hopping and not attending school it was hell to go through but please safeguard your child as the experts into CL can support you and your son.

Louisetopaz21 · 24/02/2023 18:49

My daughter had unexplained cash too but don't follow him and put yourself at risk.

Pebstk · 24/02/2023 18:50

Could you move house asap?

DomPom47 · 24/02/2023 18:51

Please get in touch with this charity
www.catch-22.org.uk/services/county-lines-support-rescue/

MessyJ · 24/02/2023 19:04

I have found drug paraphernalia such as rolling papers and grinder, he said they were his friends (probably lies).

No probably about this. You need to take a hard line on this. I wouldn’t want this or him in my house.

WonderingWanda · 24/02/2023 19:17

Op this is terrifying and every parents nightmare. You do need to get help proper help with this. The county lines gangs are organised crime, they don't care about the children they use and he is at real risk of harm if he is involved. I get why you are scared to go to the police but if he stays involved how do you think it will end? I would sit him down, tell him you love him and that now is the time to come clean with whatever is going on. Maybe he is just scared that he's going to get a criminal record and you will be disappointed but what if he is scared for his safety.

LaughingCat · 24/02/2023 19:29

This is so difficult as he’s your son but getting to an age where his decisions have real consequences that you can’t fully protect him from. You must be so scared.

Echoing other posters, please don’t follow him but google county lines support for your area and reach out. They will hopefully be able to put in place interventions to support him out of that environment.

I really hope you resolve this ❤️

queenofthebongo · 25/02/2023 08:56

You could talk to the school's dsl (safeguarding lead). Teachers are trained to be aware of exactly this. There are probably others at school in the same situation. They will help you navigate it. You then won't have called the police on your son. The school will deflecting the blame from you. Good luck. I dread this age....

queenofthebongo · 25/02/2023 08:58

That wasn't great English sorry. I mean the school will help. Other kids will also be involved so it's protecting them all.

slamfightbrightlight · 25/02/2023 09:01

Your local social services will have specialist teams to support children who are being criminally exploited. I agree with suggestion to go through school’s safeguarding lead if you want to create a bit of distance between you and any referral made. Social services can and do go to great lengths to protect young people involved in exploitation.

Swannning · 25/02/2023 09:05

I have known a few children in school get caught up in county lines.

Police and other agencies will be treating him as a victim and not a criminal. There are specialist support teams in most areas who can help.

Flowers
OnMyWayToSenility · 25/02/2023 09:07

If he's scared just try and talk to him, and let him know you are there for him, you will help get out of this. There is a way out but he needs to trust you and open up. You can't help if he doesn't.

Don't mention police or social services to him, just keep talking.
They are probably threatening to do all sorts, but a lot of it would be bluff to us, but not to a young teen. You can help him see there is a way out.

Do your research and try to find a local support group or mentoring charity, youth workers etc

legalseagull · 25/02/2023 09:26

You have to speak to the police. If he is the VICTIM of gangs he needs police help. If that's what's going on it will only get worse. They always find a way to control these kids - they will say he's in debt and needs to work harder to pay it off.

If he's nicked whilst out dealing the consequences will be far worse. Everyone is saying the police will treat him as a victim - but they're less likely to do this if he's caught dealing. I work in criminal defence and have seen countless young lads prosecuted. 'Duress' is near impossible to prove at that stage. The CPS say "why didn't you go to the police"

Speaking to the police voluntarily is the only way.

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