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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Think my son is involved in county lines

102 replies

Soworriedaboutgangs · 24/02/2023 17:38

I don’t know what to do

DS14 has completely changed over the passed couple of months. He frequently truants school, secretive about where he is, who he’s with. He lies all the time.

I have found drug paraphernalia such as rolling papers and grinder, he said they were his friends (probably lies).

I have stopped pocket money, confiscated his phone tried to ground him but it makes no difference.

He often sneaks out at night and I found he recently had a burner phone.

If I call the police and he’s working for county lines he will get hurt. He also has plenty of unexplained cash.

OP posts:
Catmuffin · 25/02/2023 20:34

Soworriedaboutgangs · 25/02/2023 18:56

It’s too late I’ve blown it.

we had a discussion this morning as I was trying to get him to talk to me. He got upset and angry and told me I don’t understand. He said he’s going and not coming back as he has ‘loads of friends’ apparently and doesn’t need me. He said if I contact the police I won’t see him again.

I’ve let him down. It’s all my fault as if his Dad was around I know things would be different. I have no idea where he is and not sure if I’ll see him again in one piece.

I’m completely broken. Just plucking up the courage to call the police.

I hope the police will know what to do. They might be able to put you in touch with support services. They will know that "snitching" will put your son in danger, so hopefully will know how to deal with it without dropping your son in it.

Quitelikeit · 25/02/2023 20:40

Op

what was the point in confronting your son? He is frightened out of his wits!!!!

You need external expert advice and you need to get it ASAP

MoggyP · 25/02/2023 20:42

You've not blown it.

Not if you get help now.

Children are seen as the victims of organised crime. So the trouble won't be from the authorities. But he will fear reprisals from the criminal gang, so that is why I'd suggest the specialist support organisations as well as the police

sailrunski · 25/02/2023 20:51

Phone the police and or the duty team at children's services.

Have you heard from him?

Mumofteens4892 · 25/02/2023 21:25

They will probably have threatened/bribed him, and even threatened to harm you or other family members. He will perhaps be thinking they are his new “family” now.

But he’s still a child and you MUST report him missing as soon as you can.

Thinking of you xxx

Mumofteens4892 · 25/02/2023 21:35

I have a really useful “parent pack” from our local County Lines organisation. Is there a way you can DM me on here?

Candymay · 25/02/2023 21:35

@DomPom47 this advice and helpline sound great. I hope anyone affected by these drug gangs calls and gets help.

i risk outing myself but I did have to call the police on one of my children more than once. It was for holding things they shouldn’t have. My reason for calling the police was to send a message to the people/ person grooming him- that I was the nuisance type of parent who wouldn’t let it go.

the county lines - and any drug operations are terrifying and you have done the right thing by asking your son about it.

the helpline advice above looks like a great next step.
good luck.

Pinkprescription · 25/02/2023 21:41

Been there done that.
It was not a part of my life I ever want to repeat. It takes a lot to break away from county lines. There are special teams that will get involved - social workers, drugs counsellors and police that help break the cycle and the links. Ask for help - honestly without this, my son would still be involved.
My son was threatened a lot of times by people when he tried to stop leave. It was terrifying. He was terrified. Threats were made against his siblings, people came to the house etc etc. But he did break free.

Candymay · 25/02/2023 21:45

Pinkprescription · 25/02/2023 21:41

Been there done that.
It was not a part of my life I ever want to repeat. It takes a lot to break away from county lines. There are special teams that will get involved - social workers, drugs counsellors and police that help break the cycle and the links. Ask for help - honestly without this, my son would still be involved.
My son was threatened a lot of times by people when he tried to stop leave. It was terrifying. He was terrified. Threats were made against his siblings, people came to the house etc etc. But he did break free.

That sounds so terrible. I’m very glad you came through it. Well done for being strong and brave.

JoonT · 25/02/2023 22:12

tootiredtospeak · 25/02/2023 09:44

Any family anywhere else in the country. You could take him there for a break and then his could be extended perhaps. Maybe breaking the cycle of him being in the vicinity. It sounds drastic I know but there must be something you can do. Other kids must get out of this eventually but how. You need to make contact with other parents who have been through this support groups ect. There must be a way to get him out.

Yes, I agree with this. Very good suggestion. The only answer is to get him as far away as possible. You say he seems scared, and that he's told you things could be bad if you contact the police. Good, at least he's still talking to you. It sounds to me like he doesn't want this, but is being sucked in (rather than embracing gangsta culture). You need to snatch and run. If possible, immediately remove him from the neighborhood. Ideally, go abroad somewhere. Even two weeks in a cheap hotel in Spain would break him out of the bubble.

Nimbostratus100 · 25/02/2023 22:15

can you move away from the area?

dangerrabbit · 25/02/2023 22:36

Report yourself to children's services as this is a safeguarding issue and your son is being criminalky exploited. There are social work teams that specialise in this, where the threat to the child comes from outside rather than inside the family. Best of luck

Babyleafy · 25/02/2023 22:48

Start with school. He won't be the only one and they may have intervention programmes they can include him on. If not, they should be able to find one.

IneedanewTV · 25/02/2023 22:59

How are you OP? Any news?

XanaduKira · 25/02/2023 23:02

AppleKatie · 25/02/2023 19:03

You haven’t blown anything OP.

yes, phone the police (now) and his school (Monday morning- email now). And contact any charities that specialise in this asap too. Take all the help you can. It will take time but it’s not over by a long chalk.

Agree with this. Good luck Op.

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 25/02/2023 23:12

www.catch-22.org.uk/services/county-lines-support-rescue/

crimestoppers-uk.org/keeping-safe/community-family/county-lines

You've probably had these thinks already but just wanted to paste them in so its a reference point.

Sugargliderwombat · 25/02/2023 23:22

OP just another person who has heard (through training at a school), that your child is a victim. The police know that he will be scared into doing things.

andweallsingalong · 26/02/2023 00:55

You haven't blown it OP he's a scared kid, hardly likely he was going to sit down and have a calm adult conversation.

Its important you call the police and fast.

As Candymay says be the nusence parent. Those who seek to control him will be watching your actions, testing whether you will just let him go or whether having him is not worth the police attention a worried mother will understandably rain down on them every single time he goes missing.

Don't fear the police and courts they will treat him as a victim.

Butterfly44 · 26/02/2023 09:11

The people to call are PACE: https://paceuk.info/

They will have been here before and come across this several times over so will be in a position to help and advise you Flowers

Soozikinzii · 26/02/2023 09:17

You must inform the police . They have people specially trained to deal with this and they know he is the victim.

Lindy2 · 26/02/2023 09:22

Please go to the Police. You can't deal with this alone. They will have advice and may know where to locate him.

I hope he's back home soon.

ThelmaDinkley · 26/02/2023 09:51

Hope you get some help fast OP you must be worried sick

MadeForThis · 26/02/2023 11:00

Phone the police. If you make a big enough fuss they might let him go and move on to someone else.

rainbowstardrops · 26/02/2023 11:12

You must be absolutely worried out of your mind.
A friend's daughter got caught up in county lines a few years back. Thankfully, she went away to a friend's family member the other end of the country and is now out of it as far as I know.

Ukholidaysaregreat · 26/02/2023 11:17

Do you have any relatives or friends who live away from your area that you could sent him to for a while to break his connections. Or book time in an Air B n B somewhere else. I would want him out of the situation ASAP before he gets into more trouble.
I would also involve the police but my first thought would be to get him away from these people he might be involved with. Xxx