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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Think my son is involved in county lines

102 replies

Soworriedaboutgangs · 24/02/2023 17:38

I don’t know what to do

DS14 has completely changed over the passed couple of months. He frequently truants school, secretive about where he is, who he’s with. He lies all the time.

I have found drug paraphernalia such as rolling papers and grinder, he said they were his friends (probably lies).

I have stopped pocket money, confiscated his phone tried to ground him but it makes no difference.

He often sneaks out at night and I found he recently had a burner phone.

If I call the police and he’s working for county lines he will get hurt. He also has plenty of unexplained cash.

OP posts:
Ukholidaysaregreat · 26/02/2023 11:20

Sorry hadn't seen your update. Other posters have good advice.

mumofblu · 04/03/2023 07:21

You haven't blown it ,you may feel like you have but his words sound like a frightened lad . You are his parent and you are worried he is not safe . I've had to call the police on my Dd in the past , not involved in county lines but bf dad maybe so i know the fear . Getting a police presence around your child means protecting him . Once "other parents " knew they would get a call from the police when my Dd went missing they were less happy to have her around .
Schools also v involved and social services . All contacted by me .
She hated me , asked to be taken into care . It was really hard , heart breaking . But she's home , she's safe and one day she will understand that parents have to make hard decisions .

Indigoshift · 04/03/2023 07:22

How are things op?

anewbook · 07/03/2023 21:14

Hoping your son is safe OP.

Marchsnowstorms · 12/03/2023 00:14

I think a child age 13 I know is in the same mess. I'm just not sure how they ended up in this situation. Has some friends who are idiots but signs that she's been groomed for worse.
How did it all start OP?

eloquent · 12/03/2023 00:44

Thinking of you

PMAmostofthetime · 12/03/2023 00:51

Soworriedaboutgangs · 24/02/2023 17:38

I don’t know what to do

DS14 has completely changed over the passed couple of months. He frequently truants school, secretive about where he is, who he’s with. He lies all the time.

I have found drug paraphernalia such as rolling papers and grinder, he said they were his friends (probably lies).

I have stopped pocket money, confiscated his phone tried to ground him but it makes no difference.

He often sneaks out at night and I found he recently had a burner phone.

If I call the police and he’s working for county lines he will get hurt. He also has plenty of unexplained cash.

He won't get into trouble they will help him as will the local social services department. The earlier you contact one of them the better.

Sorry to hear your going through this, help is out there for you and him- get in contact. They have specific teams and meetings for county lines

WiIson · 12/03/2023 00:57

andweallsingalong · 25/02/2023 09:38

Agree don't follow him.

In the gangs eyes you need to be squeaky clean mum who has no understanding and would go straight to the police at the first sign of drugs.

This gives you and him some protection in that they will not want your attention, won't come to the house or approach him when he is with his family.

The last thing you want is to be seen as complicit and potentially be threatened into compliance when you don't know the people involved.

As others have said there is specialist support that will help and will treat him as a victim. The only thing I would add would be not to tell him you're seeking help until you've made contact and they recommend it. You don't want him tipping off the gang.

All of this.

WiIson · 12/03/2023 00:58

Ukholidaysaregreat · 26/02/2023 11:17

Do you have any relatives or friends who live away from your area that you could sent him to for a while to break his connections. Or book time in an Air B n B somewhere else. I would want him out of the situation ASAP before he gets into more trouble.
I would also involve the police but my first thought would be to get him away from these people he might be involved with. Xxx

And this.

TwitchetyWitcheryWooWoo · 12/03/2023 01:12

Let him know you love him and say to him that you, like every mother on the planet, worry about him. If he has told you that he is scared, tell him that you understand. Ask him how you can help him and let him know that you are there for him. Involve him in the discussion around what you may need to do (report to police etc) and say to him that if he doesn’t let you know how he feels (as opposed to what is going on) then you, as his mothe, and the mother of someone under the age of 16, will need to make decisions he may not like. Let him know that this is why his input is so important, and most of all, let him know you love him.

nutroasty · 15/03/2023 07:18

How are things OP?

avalon1 · 10/04/2023 10:01

My son is involved - paid 2 dealers off last year.
He no longer goes to school. He is under child exploitation team via social services. He says everyone is selling.
I recently found 10 small bags of white powder. He has new trainers, clothes. He is totally involved and sees no wrong. He listens to Drill music - covers his face when out. I have been involved with the Police and he now has a NRM National Referral Mechanism - which sees him more as a child expolited than a criminal, that said if he is caught he will be detained in custody. He doesn't hear/listen. The amount of money he is earning is too appealing.

His Grandmother died recently and left him a significant amount of money - not interested, loves the thrill of being a Gangster.
I have tried everything - exploitation team felt our son was too at risk for the Police to gather intel because of the repercussions. We are moving soon. He says he wants to go his own way when we do. I have tried to protect him, stopping him going out, he just sneaks out in middle of night. I have taken ',stuff' from him, I have recovered knives from his room.
It's absolutely Heartbreaking.
I would advise get Child exploitation team on-board ASAP via social services and also email SPACE Charity.
The push pull factor is so hard. I tell him every day I love him, we hug. I know he is ashamed deep down but the pull factor is too much for him to refuse. I am just trying to do the best I can do to keep him safe. I regularly report him missing - but then worry if he has something on him and gets a criminal record. It's a living nightmare. I don't wish this on any parent.
All the best
A x

Marchsnowstorms · 10/04/2023 11:04

@avalon1 heartbreaking. What age is he?

avalon1 · 10/04/2023 12:42

Just turned 16 - he is so close to ruining his life. He told me he has been into 'Crack Houses', I can only imagine what he has seen???

I have another child - its like we are all not addressing the problem anymore - as we have run out of what to do. I almost want him to be caught - he has up until recently not had any run in's with The Police - however he was caught driving, no insurance, under age etc - probably picking up 'stuff' and dropping off - who knows.

He feels he is indestructable (spelt wrong).

He is meeting hopefully with a mentor next week - someone who has been involved with gangs - gone to prison etc - its a service to try and get him to see what the dangers are...., Im wishing for a miracle.

My friends kids are studying for their exams, buying prom outfits - and my son is out and about mixing with gangs, drugs, county lines. My heart is broken -

RoyGBivisacolorfulman · 10/04/2023 19:10

I am so sorry to read this avalon.

Pinkprescription · 10/04/2023 19:40

@avalon1 my child did get out. Both the child exploitation team and the drugs counsellor helped.
My family was destroyed through it all. And my child has had to move areas. But there isn’t sufficient help for kids to keep them away. The money they can make from counties lines is phenomenal.
My child has no qualifications and got kicked out of college so is living off zero hours contracts and struggling through.

Marchsnowstorms · 10/04/2023 23:44

@Pinkprescription @avalon1 can I ask how it started? I think a couple of teens I know are at risk

maddy68 · 10/04/2023 23:53

I would tell police and school so they can support him fingers crossed for you

Schnooze · 10/04/2023 23:59

Can’t give more advice than others have done, but a powerful series of you tube videos can help deter other vulnerable youngsters if anyone wants to show their child. It shows how kids are gradually sucked in.

Google - you tube Alfie’s story county lines

avalon1 · 11/04/2023 07:09

@Pinkprescription so so sorry to read your story.
It's heartbreaking. I have a younger child and she believes her older brother is a drug dealer. Which is true effectively
What is that saying to her? I'm putting so much hope on an initiative run by ex offenders.., that's if he agrees to go. It's a living nightmare.
Our house is going on the market in the coming weeks

I hope for you all that things will improve for your family and son x

NCTDN · 11/04/2023 07:31

@avalon1 does he know you've contacted the police? I'm so sorry for what you and others here are going through.
OP I really hope that you and your boy are safe. Flowers

slamfightbrightlight · 11/04/2023 10:04

Marchsnowstorms · 10/04/2023 23:44

@Pinkprescription @avalon1 can I ask how it started? I think a couple of teens I know are at risk

Your local authority will almost certainly have a child exploitation team that can help - if you’re not comfortable going there report it to the child’s school’s safeguarding lead. Early intervention is really important, even if it’s just a hunch.

Louisetopaz21 · 11/04/2023 11:27

I spoke earlier in this thread about my child being involved, big behaviour changes such as being violent towards me and going missing in the night. She made threats and false accusations about me which I could have lost my job. Social services parent blamed and it was horrendous but we had the cse team involved who were fab, this was two years ago and her behaviour settled. She asked for a hug and told me she loved me for the first time in two years and I feel there is hope. It is horrible as a parent we have no control xx

avalon1 · 26/04/2023 15:40

Please would you be able to send this to me please. I would be so grateful. Thank you

avalon1 · 26/04/2023 15:43

Hi again - how far away did