Think my son is involved in county lines

[Soworriedaboutgangs]

I don’t know what to do

DS14 has completely changed over the passed couple of months. He frequently truants school, secretive about where he is, who he’s with. He lies all the time.

I have found drug paraphernalia such as rolling papers and grinder, he said they were his friends (probably lies).

I have stopped pocket money, confiscated his phone tried to ground him but it makes no difference.

He often sneaks out at night and I found he recently had a burner phone.

If I call the police and he’s working for county lines he will get hurt. He also has plenty of unexplained cash.

Speak to school safeguarding. If he truants school he should already be on their radar. This might help put the pieces of the puzzle together.

You can't throw a 14 year old out. Jeez.

Op definitely get in touch with some of the links in this thread.

Agree don't follow him.

In the gangs eyes you need to be squeaky clean mum who has no understanding and would go straight to the police at the first sign of drugs.

This gives you and him some protection in that they will not want your attention, won't come to the house or approach him when he is with his family.

The last thing you want is to be seen as complicit and potentially be threatened into compliance when you don't know the people involved.

As others have said there is specialist support that will help and will treat him as a victim. The only thing I would add would be not to tell him you're seeking help until you've made contact and they recommend it. You don't want him tipping off the gang.

Get specialist support and move house. Literally cut all ties and move to a different area.

Any family anywhere else in the country. You could take him there for a break and then his could be extended perhaps. Maybe breaking the cycle of him being in the vicinity. It sounds drastic I know but there must be something you can do. Other kids must get out of this eventually but how. You need to make contact with other parents who have been through this support groups ect. There must be a way to get him out.

Because that's an instantly viable option for the vast majority of people....🙄

I am aware moving house is drastic action and really difficult. But look at the end points for a teenager getting embroiled in county lines and it's very seriously dangerous outcomes.
You need to make your family uncontactable by the county lines people.

St Giles Trust may be able to help depending on your area
www.stgilestrust.org.uk/who-we-are/where-we-work/#:~:text=We%20have%20two%20London%2Dbased,in%20Holloway%20Road%2C%20north%20London.

You need to contact the Police its likely they have a specialist County Lines officer. Perhaps arrange to visit the police station than them going to your home.

Contact school as well this is a huge safeguarding issue and the school will be on it from their end and they should have the schools police officer available too, who your son is probably familiar with.

Your son is right it could get 'very bad' knife crime is a very real risk. I know of several teens that were sent to live with family in other areas of the country or in the case of immigrants even sent to their original country to live with grandparents to keep them safe and get them out of the gangs grasp.

Moving house and area is a massive deal but may well be what needs to happen. If you are not familiar with County lines the black comedy on iplayer Outlaws does a very realistic storyline on it.

I'd get cctv put up,at the hooves and make sure it's secure. It might be an overreaction but it might not be!

I'd contact the police too.

Have you anyone else he could stay with?

Id be extremely worried too. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.

Honestly I know it’s nuclear but I would move house, as far away as I could and still keep my job.

I know it’s not instant, I know it’s shit, I know it costs. This would be one of the few things I would consider serious enough to do it anyway.

Don't follow him, you're just putting both of you in danger.

Speak to his school, they will have had safe guarding training around children getting involved in county lines and will know who to contact about it. Find out who the safeguarding lead is and see if you can have a face to face meeting with them and tell them everything including how scared he is.

Phone the NSPCC for advice, they should be able to tell you what to do and what not to do as this is such a well known and nationwide issue.

Please don't do nothing out of fear, the longer this goes on the deeper he will get into it until it will become his life and his livelihood - that is if he's doesn't end up dead. Right now he's a child and a victim, get all the help and support that you can.

This.

Could you move out of the area?

I would be moving. Also reaching out to all authorities I could think of who could help. Your son will be grateful and relieved pretty quickly, even if initially he puts up a fight.

It’s too late I’ve blown it.

we had a discussion this morning as I was trying to get him to talk to me. He got upset and angry and told me I don’t understand. He said he’s going and not coming back as he has ‘loads of friends’ apparently and doesn’t need me. He said if I contact the police I won’t see him again.

I’ve let him down. It’s all my fault as if his Dad was around I know things would be different. I have no idea where he is and not sure if I’ll see him again in one piece.

I’m completely broken. Just plucking up the courage to call the police.

Well, he's not being honest with you. Is there any way you can sew an airtag or similar into his coat and find out if your worries are justified. The having too much money would seem to be a big clue. Unfortunately some teenagers that can flaunt the cash think that they are 'big men'. It will only get worse as he gets in deeper.

You haven’t blown anything OP.

yes, phone the police (now) and his school (Monday morning- email now). And contact any charities that specialise in this asap too. Take all the help you can. It will take time but it’s not over by a long chalk.

Yes, do phone the Police. He's only 14 so they can do something (and he won't be grassing). Angela Lansbury died recently (Murder She Wrote) and is was reported that she considered her biggest success her intervention to get her daughter away from drug dealers. Not sure what she did, and time are different but maybe worth looking it up for inspiration?

You must get in touch with this charity

”Please complete this referral form and a member of the team will be in touch.

This service is available for referrals from 9am – 10pm 7 days per week:

All referrals sent within this time will receive a call back within one hour.
All referrals sent outside of these hours will be actioned the next morning.”

they have worked with lots of people in the same position as you.

Oh Op you haven't blown it. He is just angry. Please do call police this could be the wake up call he needs.

Hugs

Sending best wishes

I agree with others. If there is anyway that you can move then do. As far away as you can.

That Catch 22 charity only operates in a few areas of the country, so no good if Soworried isn't in one of them.

Poor you @Soworriedaboutgangs . I do feel for you, it's a horrific situation to be in.

He's is 14. Don't be ridiculous. It's her son and a child and repute the trouble he may have got himself in, he sure was hell needs help to get out of it.

Are you really suggesting she turns her back on her son at 14?

Ok well your gut instinct seems to be correct. He is an impressionable teenager. You need specialist help. Do reach out to one of the organisations mentioned on this thread. You must be so worried about him. Stay strong