Ungrateful teenagers - volunteering abroad

[Scouse568]

I have 3 teenagers 15, 16 and 17. Growing up we had very little and now life is much easier so we do go on nicer trips away and live pretty comfortably. Due to me working all hours to build my business to a great place. Recently though they have all started to act like they don't appreciate anything I do. We went on a weekend away recently to drop my daughter back to boarding school, we decided to make a trip of it and did a few things such as a stage show, laser tag, cinema and aquarium. At one time or another they all sulked/were rude about what we were doing and it really upset me. We met up with friends and the behaviour carried on which was super embarrassing.

We are due to be going to Florida with friends for Christmas (our first time in the US) I have been planning and saving for this trip for over a year and was so excited about it. But after their behaviour at the weekend I have called it off. The oldest seems to understand and has apologised for her part in this.
I have been considering a volunteer trip abroad to Kenya (I have been before to do this) at Christmas instead to maybe show them that not everyone has what they do. It seems now teenager need instant gratification or it's not good enough.

Has anyone else taken their teenagers abroad to volunteer? If so what impact did it have on them?

🍿

Kenya believe it?

No one in Kenya needs your spoilt, entitled teenagers.

Well firstly it’s possible to have plenty of money and kids who arent ungrateful brats, that’s generally down to parenting ( or lack of given that at least one of them is at Boarding school)
Secondly, it’s not fair to inflict them on poor Kenyans if your DC are that bad
Thirdly, maybe give them more time and less money?

I spend a huge amount of time with them and boarding school was my daughters choice because of massive trauma she was dealing with due to her father (my ex). She needed a fresh start which has actually saved her life. I don’t feel I spoil them but I do like to do nice things together.
I found volunteering and eye opening experience and thought they might see that too.
we are all trying are best and I don’t pretend for a minute I always get it right. Was just looking for some advice because am not in a good place at the moment and yes I already feel like a massive failure. Really needed some advice and support

All teenagers are dicks sometimes. Let them know their behaviour that weekend wasn’t ok and encourage them to do something over the summer.
NCS/ Operation Raleigh/ ICS/ Projects Abroad

Yes i think volunteering and opening their eyes is a great idea.

I also wonder if they do any other community spirited hobbies or events all year round - eg youth theatre (where you work as a team), or DofE, or that sort of thing?

And do the ones over 16 have part-time jobs?

All of those would help if not happening already perhaps?

You sound like you've done amazingly on your own OP. Keep going

Developing countries are not there to teach your spoilt children gratitude.
If they are spoiled, stop spoiling them.
Teenagers are grumpy, it's normal.
Don't take them to Florida, they can get Christmas jobs instead.

I think voluntourism is now frowned upon, you'd be better off sending money directly (money you were going to spend on their Xmas presents, if you like!).

Plenty of volunteering opportunities in the UK. A friend of mine helps out at a homeless shelter on Christmas Day, I think via Crisis. (Probably need to be 18 for this?). Your local charity for older people will welcome the help as well.

I think it's quite easy to write our DC off as entitled and ungrateful when there's actually something else going on.

I'd pause a bit and wait till you are less upset and disappointed.

Maybe do some volunteering more locally, or discuss it with them, rather than using it as a teaching experience.

It's a bit heavy handed to ship the family out on a volunteer experience, and they are often a bit make work/commercialised unless you have specific contacts.

What about doing a regular shift at a Foodbank, or helping at a shelter over Christmas? Don't do it as a punishment, just reframe it as 'It will be nice to help'.

Voluntourism is shite and ranges from pointless to actually harming an area.
If you want to volunteer why not do it locally?

They don’t need an expensive trip abroad to volunteer! They can do it locally, I would have them helping at the food bank, finding a way to raise money for a homeless charity, joining a befriending scheme for the elderly.
There are lots of ways to open teenagers eyes to those less fortunate.

If you want them to learn how hard life can be you don't have to take them abroad. Plenty of volunteering here. How about Christmas with the homeless?

Volunteering in developing countries is widely known to be pointless at best (i.e., building a school which is then made good by actual builders), at worst damaging to local communities particularly where children are involved. There's so many ways they can volunteer in the UK with those in the community who are less fortunate. Why not volunteer at Crisis at Christmas if you have that near you.
If you want to help those overseas, send money through a reputable charity

I see where you're coming from OP, but taking them to Kenya is still a 'reward' as its a foreign trip and an 'adventure'. My son volunteered at a community in Kenya when he was 16 through his college. It was eye opening for him but just as eye opening was all the volunteering and fundraising he had to do here first to raise the £2k for the trip. No way could I afford to pay for it.

They say charity begins at home, so as other PPs have suggested, get them volunteering in your local community.

I think volunteering is a great idea. I've volunteered a lot when young and it's opened my eyes to so much and helped me be grateful and more pragmatic. I still try and volunteer a day or half a day when I go on holiday.

I think it could be eye opening for them.

I just can’t imagine a volunteer trip working out well in the situation you have described. If the kids haven’t actually thought of it themselves they are not likely to want to do it instead of a holiday and if they don’t want to do it, it isn’t exactly ‘volunteering’.

It might also be worth comparing the lifestyle your kids have with what is normal for other kids nowadays of their age rather than what was normal for you as a child.

We are due to be going to Florida with friends for Christmas (our first time in the US) I have been planning and saving for this trip for over a year and was so excited about it.

So you are cancelling the flights and accomodation, and inconveniencing your friends because your DC are spoilt?

What would they be doing?

I don't think you should frame it as a punishment. It won't solve your relationship dynamics.

It might be good for their perspective. But only if they have the right attitude and it's genuinely helpful.

Things are so shit in the UK you'll probably find more local projects to help at. You could then donate the money you would have spent on airfares to charity directly. Somewhere wet, cold and damp might focus their senses and make them realise they actually have a great life

You need to accept your share of the blame in how they are. They sound like dicks on the day of treats but maybe tone it down so they appreciate what they get more. If your well paid job means time with the teens is limited, don't use money to try and alleviate your guilt. They are very lucky that you earn well that luxuries like boarding school is possible.

Are they really as bad as you think, or are they hormonal teenagers dealing lots of issues and still learning to be empathetic and grateful?

iIf they are genuinely poorly behaved I would recommend some charity volunteering in the UK. Make them do shifts in a charity shop to “earn” their mobile bills paid for by you etc. They need to learn to contribute to society as well as your family.

What would the Kenyans be getting out of hosting these guests?

Did you consider going on the trip without them ? That would be a massive wake up call

Why abroad
There are many charities they could volunteer for and millions of people who need help in the UK

Honestly, I've done volunteering abroad with one of the companies listed above and realistically all they'll end up doing is hanging out with a loads of other spoilt, entitled, rich kids who are off on a middle class jolly paid for by mum and dad and occasionally doing the bare minimum of work and making not a jot of difference.