My first thread and wanted to know what other parents thought about the actions of the school and of course what next with my son.
Background. A bit about my son - He's currently doing some volunteering and the leader said of him. 'He has been such a joy to have around. He is always smiling, helpful and willing. You must be so proud'. And we are. He always helps out, is very sporty (Just became a judo coach aged 16) and is great with his younger brothers.
He knows the danger of drugs because my husband told him more than a few times of the experience his family had with his brother who smoked cannabis frequently and how it changed his personality for the worse. It destroyed his parents because it lead him to petty crime and he died in his 30s. This is why it was such a shock to us when we found out he had smoked cannabis.
How we found out - The previous month his Nan had died. He was very close to her having spent the last year living with her ( we are building an off grid home log cabin so whilst that was going on we lived with my husbands mother).
He was at the start of his GCSE's and after coming home from an exam I thought I smelt smoke on him so asked if he had been smoking. Without hesitation he said he had smoked cannabis. That he had been asked if he wanted to smoke a joint so him and 3 other boys went behind the local (near school) supermarket and had a few puffs. Of course I freaked out and so did his dad. Worse for his dad as it brought back memories of his brother.
So what do I do next? Do I contact the school because it was one of the school children (same year) who offered him the drugs? My thinking was what if they offer the drugs to another child possibly younger? Are they a dealer? So it was an easy decision to make. I phoned the school and told them what had happened and what my son had said. Of course they asked the name of the boy who supplied the drugs and gave him the name my son had told me. The head of his year said I had done the right thing and that they would be in touch.
I guess I am naive but I didn't think that what I had done was put my sons education in jeopardy. Turns out it did.
Two weeks later I was called in to school to discuss what had happened. We talked about how my son has had a tough time with his nans death and how he knows the hurt drugs can cause to a family. We agreed that what he had done was stupid and totally out of character. I asked if there was any help the school can give and I was given a name of a group written down on a piece of paper and that I should look them up on the internet.
Then they told me what I didn't think I'd ever hear. They said he had been a good pupil but that because drugs was involved he will be suspended after taking his exams. I froze. I remember sitting in that room and at this news just wanted to get out. The room was spinning. I didn't argue then and said 'thank you for your time'. It was that being back in the Headteachers Office. They even had chairs that made them look down on you just like a child. All very intimidating :(
It was only when I got home and discussed what had happened with his father (who wanted to go back to the school himself and have a few words) that we looked at the schools drugs policy. Whilst it did say that any pupils caught with drugs would be suspended possible leading to expulsion it didn't have anything about if a parent informs the school of drug use.
In my eyes we did the right thing. We let the school know about a potential drug dealer that could have led to goodness knows what. My son was stupid no doubt but we thought there were mitigating circumstances for his stupidity. The death of his Nan being at the top of that list. The fact he told me without hesitation and I then told the school should count for something?
But what was also upsetting was the lack of help for my son if he did have a drugs problem. They have this drugs policy on their website and even talk about drop in sessions 'The College counsellors are happy to support students with any issue which may cause worry or concern'. The policy also states that parents should 'report any alleged drug-related incident of which they are aware to the Designated Teacher for Drugs'. What it doesn't cater for is 'If a parent informs the school or if a pupil comes forward without suspicion and reports an incident. Or make clear is the outcome of reporting such an offense especially if your own child is involved. I'll be honest if I knew he was going to be suspended I would have thought twice about reporting what had happened. Or am I wrong? That's what I am asking you. Was I wrong to contact the school? Would you have contacted the school knowing your child would have been suspended? And that this suspension is now on his record and could hamper any furthur education or employment?
I tried to speak to the College after his exams and they said there was no time for furthur meetings as Summer Break was about to start. That if I wanted to complain I should use the complaints procedure.
My son should have gone back to school today but fears that he would now be a target and if anything drugs related happens they will pin it on him and expel him. So he is here. And I don't know what to do next. What would you do?