I can't cope with My 12 year old DD anymore.

[MrsPeaches]

I honestly cannot cope with my 12 year old Daughter anymore.

She was such a kind, polite and well behaved child and now she's like a different person. She's screams and slams and kicks doors if she doesn't get her own way. She say the most awful things to me. She winds up her younger sister so much. I feel so bad on neighbours that they have to listen to her doing this. I'm terrified if they phone the police, and I don't blame them. The whole street has heard this today and I'm so embarrassed and drained of it. I've just cried in my room cause I can't bare to be around her anymore.

She has outburst like this once a month or so. They are horrible. It's usually when she has to clean her room. This started this morning because she's chucked a Teddy at her sister and it's smashed the glass out of her hand. So her phone has been taken away.

Her overall attitude is so entitled. She thinks she can take what she wants, when she wants. Shes talks to me like crap, calls me names. Nothing is going on in school, no bullying. Nothing has changed at all. She had counselling in school and there was nothing that raised concern for her to behave this way. No underlying issues. Me and her dad have tried so many things and we just feel like we are treading on eggshells all the time. She shares a room with her sister, as we can't afford a bigger home right now. We are saving but it will take some time. Her younger sister is having to come into our room at night as she will annoy her or wake her up and not leave her alone.

No matter what consequences we do, this is the end result. We have tried spending 1 to 1 time with her doing things she likes, she will end the day with a negative tone all the time.

We have gone through everything, even looked at our own parenting. Nothing is there to make her behaviour like this. We've been to the GP, school, counselling.

We are tired and so drained. I don't want to be around her right now. I want to drive my car somewhere far away and not come back to this. It's affected all of us in the house. My 9 year old does not want to be around her and I just want to walk away from it. Either that or I will self refer to social services as I can't keep living like this.

Sorry, I need to offload this to someone cause I'm just exhausted.

This is my life every day!

I am nearly in tears yet again through pure frustration. I am ashamed to admit it but my daughter has ground me down to the point of not wanting her living with me anymore.

I have reached out for help but all I get from friends and family is “but your her mum” social services just put me on parenting courses because I am the problem.

yesterday was the first time I have ever thought I just want to end it! Not be here anymore.

I would ask if you have any family that can take her occasionally?
You have expectations normal of her taking responsibility for her bedroom so she can spend a set time doing her chores.
If not, extend the phone for a longer period away.
No one can walk around slamming doors and being obnoxious to ruin your family life. Smashing glasses and what next will she do to torment her sister.
Hormones or not, she needs to abide by the house rules and give some respect to you her mother.
What is her friendship group like?
Do you talk to her best friends parents?
Finding a solution to bad behaviour helps with support and time out.
Next time she throws a melt down I would evacuate the family, no one needs that.

This is an old thread and hopefully the girl in it has changed her ways by now. It's very sad so many people are going through this.

I know this is an old thread, but I really wanted to reply to your message as I empathise with this a lot. We're going through this with our daughter, who is not even quite 12 yet, and I feel so desperate.

I think we are probably at an earlier point than you, as we haven't been to SS for example, but I just don't know where my little girl has gone. I am feeling like a total failure and I just wanted to offer a hug and some solidarity as I know I have been feeling really lonely with this, and that's not helping with how I'm feeling.

I'm also going through this with my 11year old dd. Hugs x

It’s so hard isn’t it, but helpful to know we’re not alone!

Some kids are just awful.

She is being a teenager. Some are fine. Some are pretty awful. I don't think the GP is your answer unless it is to get you some support in dealing with her. As a teacher of this age group I recommend calm, fairly neutral reactions whilst holding the line where it matters. If she starts being abusive walk away. Impose sanctions consistently without going overboard.

Another hand hold of solidarity here. I'm often stunned by how awful my 14 year old is. Hope things have improved since your post

I remember when I hit puberty, I wanted more privacy, it's just part of coming out of age I suppose, you say she doesn't have her own room yet, is there any space in the house she could call her own, like a reading nook or something like that? Good luck OP, I hope it gets better.

This is a thread from summer 2022. I'm hoping the OP's DD has improved - at least a little - since it was written.

Hi are you still on this post?

I strongly advise reading a book called “Hold onto your kids”. It might not be to everyone’s taste but I’ve read everything on parenting and this one worked the most.

I feel like your describing my child, but on a daily basis, she even refuses to go to school, and jumps from one relationship (friends) to another,I dont think she handles or understands how to maintain relations, and I feel.like im her worst enemy.

Suck it up my lovely, get to the bottom of it, she didn't ask to be born, as a child put in care for the similar thing, well to make her life easier she ruined mine and I'm 56 dealing with the trama still, what's wrong with parents they don't understand how dramatic it is... cause she shouts and balls and slames doors, you have the power obviously can't be bothered.

I have never posted anything on a site ever, , there's something wrong,.or your just not following through enough, or she's a bloody teenager girl OMG do your job , if you have you ask on a site how to parent..I made sure my son near felt like me and he played up but I was the adult, we had issues, when.you get to my age you will see she's a little girl so little learning about stuff, bless her I've never felt secure because of parents and there lack of ownership

It is such a relief that with your patience and persistence she has opened up to you.

Along with everything you are doing, I would continue to keep a close eye on her social media usage and continue to familiarise yourself with the features and quirks that constantly evolve and sometimes escape us.

Whatever happens in school, in-person is reverberated around the peer groups on social media for an extended period of time, so keeping abreast of that is absolutely key.

Hey- I know this was a post from a few years ago but I’m going through the same thing with my daughter who is nearly 12. Been going on for about 2 years!
she started her periods 6 months ago.

Im hoping you might say that it’s all a bit easier for you now? Any tips on getting through it?