How to deal with greedy teen?

[JemimaThePuddleDuck]

DS is 15.
He used to be sporty and fit, he was always playing out with his friends and was slim.
over covid he got into online gaming and he and his friends now just want to sit on discord calls playing games together every night, he doesn't go out, doesn't exercise and just wants to lie around watching YouTube or playing games.

He gave up all his sports and now spends most of his time in front of a screen.

I've tried to limit screen time, but it doesn't make a difference, he doesn't want to go outside or be active.

The main issue is his greediness and his weight.

Over the last six months he's become really greedy, like he can't control himself.
he's also gained weight, to the point where his clothes don't fit and I would consider him overweight.

It's definitely greediness, he's got into a habit of eating his packed lunch at break time, so by the time he gets home from school he is starving,
we always have plenty of easy to prepare food but he will go for the laziness option and stuff himself.

I tried to talk to him, discussed options and got in snacks he would like, but he will gorge himself on them.

Some examples,
He asked for specific cereals,
But he will eat the entire box, out of the bag, like it's a bag of crisps.
He asked for wraps and cheese to make quesadillas, he then ate two whole packs of wraps (16 in total) and a bag and a half of grated cheese, in two days.
He asked for instant noodles, he will make three packs at the same time in one bowl.
He asked for yoghurts, but will eat the entire multipack in a day or two.
He will make an enormous bowl of pasta, literally 250g (half a bag) of pasta and just have it with butter or pesto.
Multiple bags of crisps in one sitting.
More times than I can count he has eaten almost an entire loaf of bread either as toast or just bread and butter.

These are all for after school snacks, he then still expects a full meal for dinner two and a half hours later.

The biggest issue is he has gotten into the habit of eating his packed lunch things.

I pre make his sandwich's on a Sunday and put them in the fridge.
He takes a sandwich, a bag of crisps, an apple and a cereal bar to school.
I will quite often find that he has eaten all of the crisps or cereal bars or several of his sandwiches (not ones he's taken to school) part the way through the week.

This evening I have just discovered he had eaten two packets of his crisps and one of his lunch sandwiches,
we had a full roast dinner at 4.30pm, so he's had that and then helped himself to those.

I don't think it's hunger, I think it's greed and probably boredom,
He knows it's there and is lazy,
We have other snack food, there is a pack of cheese and onion rolls, yoghurts, other crisps, fruit and bread.
But he chose to eat his packed lunch sandwich.

I'm so frustrated.
I'm sick of buying food for him to gorge himself on and it be gone in a couple of days.
It's not normal or healthy, at this rate he will be obese soon.

I don't know what to do, I've tried taking to him, planning meals and getting healthier snacks in, I tried tough love, explaining his weight is an issue and he needs to stop eating like this, I've tried shouting, I've tried begging, I've tried hiding food and rationing it.... nothing has worked.

I don't know what to do, has anyone else been through this?

Okay then.. 👍

Okay this may be a long one because I think there is an element of going around in circles on this topic so here are the facts with some links thrown in as well.

Feed children healthy food, model healthy eating habits/healthy activities and don’t buy what you don’t think is good quality food, all fine ideas. But telling a child or teen that they’re getting overweight, that they are greedy, and encouraging them to be hyper vigilant about food just doesn’t work, and the “pussy footing around” as you call it is precisely what most people would do with anyone they care about. That’s because everyone understands that being fat is massively stigmatising, and children thinking the people who love them most are assessing them in those terms really hurts. Ironically, suggesting to them they’re fat doesn’t help, but it also doesn’t have “no impact” there is lots of evidence that it leads to greater risk of obesity -see this recent study as just one example of many Perceived weight discrimination and changes in weight, waist circumference, and weight status

The main point is the hurt is for nothing, because telling people (even nicely) they are fat, telling them to eat less and move more- won’t work. That’s not a personal opinion, that’s what decades of research shows us. But also look around, do you think there’s a single fat person in your life who hasn’t been told they are fat, directly or indirectly? Of course they have, it may even be a message the get on a near daily basis from all sorts of sources.

You say “It’s not difficult”? it’s famously one of the most difficult population health issues to remedy, all over the world. There are developing countries where they are trying to manage an increase in obesity and an increase malnutrition within the same sections of the population, even within the same families and it’s very difficult to disentangle what’s a cause and what’s an outcome.See article on this here

Individuals who significantly change their diet and exercise long term put the weight back on something like 90% of the time (see Why People Diet, Lose Weight and Gain It All Back). It’s easy to assume as a slim person that the reason I’m slim is because I’m careful about what I eat and careful about not getting fat, but that’s just not how it works for most people, the majority of fat people have been on or are currently on far more restrictive diets for a larger portion of their lives than people who don’t struggle with their weight as much. Your weight set point is to do with -genetics (some studies suggest it’s 75% down to genetics) -hormones -behaviour and -environment(it’s suspected this is the biggest changeable factor).

There are thousands of researchers working on this problem for decades and while there’s been good work on the factors which play a role in obesity, they just haven’t gotten that far on learning what stops us from putting on weight, and what helps us lose weight once we’ve gained it. It is not easy.

Yes - this is all it would take!

Make enough dinner for your lunch the next day, and an extra portion plated up nicely and left in the fridge for when he gets home from school as well - to shove in the microwave. Remove / stop buying all the crap stuff slowly so he has no choice but to eat it. Then add a protein shake as well a
and he shouldn't need anything else until dinner.

pearly1792 - I am also with other poster - you knowing another child with an eating disorder does not make you qualified to decide what is myth. I had an eating disorder as did my sister - they are complex issues and drawing attention to someone's weight can be part of the problem. Calling them greedy which has negative connotations is not great either.

What’s interesting is how controlling you are, too. Forever trying to police threads to align with your narrative. Maybe try to accept that people have different experiences, knowledge bases and opinions.

What’s interesting is how controlling you are, too. Forever trying to police threads to align with your narrative. Maybe try to accept that people have different experiences, knowledge bases and opinions.

You're funny 😂

You said horrible things about OP, with no basis. Damn right I'll point that out.

As for your observation of my wider posting, grow up. I absolutely do all the things you suggest, in relation to other people's views & experiences. Perhaps you should, too? I in no way told you what you should think or believe, but I did take issue with your thoroughly nasty interpretation of a concerned mother's actions. If you had one bit of evidence for your nonsensical claims of her being 'controlling' & everything else you alleged, that would be one thing. You didn't.

You might as well just say "it's your fault, OP".

What a horrible post.

Anything to do with eating is very complex, and ideally needs professional input (though good luck to anyone trying to get a CAMHS appointment). In the absence of a CAMHS appt and the money to pay for private therapy, all you can do, OP, is keep on keeping on. Provide healthy options, try not to have snacks in the house (nobody needs them), and sit it out. It's very difficult, though (I have had similar with one of my DC - but not with the others).

Food banks are giving out daily massive bags of pasta and 16 wraps and blocks of cheese every other day for teenagers are they?.....riiiiight 🙄

Seeing things differently is a normal part of being different people as opposed to clones.

Your intolerance for anything straying from your view of what is “right” is an indicator of low emotional intelligence.

The OP’s son is fat and she is uncomfortable about it. That has been established. She refers to his eating habits very negatively as “greedy” rather than disordered which is the accepted term. Clearly she is emotional about the situation. Being fat is widely considered to be undesirable. Parents of overweight children are widely viewed as inadequate. No one would wish for this. But any attempt by a parent to control their teenager is likely to be rebuffed. Teenagers are wired to seek independence and autonomy. They are new at it so slip up a lot. Our role as parents is not to prevent every fall but to give them boundaries within which they can grow, and to provide a safe place to fall. OP is making the classic error of trying to prevent any falls rather than letting her son work it out for himself.

How about more parenting your children and less wheeling the poor sods to any and all semi-professional therapists or similar?!
Parents must take responsibility for parenting their children.
🙄

Seeing things differently is a normal part of being different people as opposed to clones.

Seeing things differently is one thing. Many posters on the thread hold different opinions.

Insulting a poster looking for help is quite another. You've no evidence at all that she's being controlling.

Your intolerance for anything straying from your view of what is “right” is an indicator of low emotional intelligence.

I've no idea why you've now moved to insulting me, but it's not acceptable. And you're wrong.

Your statement that OP is upset as she worries that she's being judged societally is a) based on nothing here other than your own projection and b) deeply insulting to OP whose posts have done nothing but indicate concern for her son & not how she's perceived.

I'm not engaging with you further so stop insulting me & others, and try to at least focus on some facts.

Awwww this makes me sad as I was like this as a kid/teen. I was very unhappy and would eat for some emotional fulfillment.

Maybe you can ask if he’s unhappy about something in his life.

I would hazard a guess that you have never had, and have never parented, a child with an eating disorder.

No I do not have an eating disorder, I'm just concerned about my child.

You can turn off the Wifi
I can, but I don't need to, if I tell him it's time to turn it off he does.

You can provide only healthy snacks and no junk
There are plenty of healthy snack options, it's only a small amount of 'junk', I don't think that's unreasonable.

You can run with him or dh to get involved in exercise
if you have any tips on how to force a 5ft10 teenager that weighs more than me to go out for a run I would love to hear it.

You can speak to a counsellor and see if they can see if there are any problems under the surface that he isn't speaking about to you
They have mandatory monthly 'check ins' with a counsellor/psychologist at his school, they are very good.
they have no concerns about DS.

he is malnourished.

😂

Seriously though, his diet is otherwise very healthy, I have no concerns about his diet generally, just this snacking binging after school.

And as I have said before, he hates oats.
He definitely wouldn't take boiled eggs to school.
He doesn't eat chicken turkey or Beef because he is a vegetarian.
He has plenty of veggies and whole meal bread.

he is malnourished.

😂

Seriously though, his diet is otherwise very healthy, I have no concerns about his diet generally, just this snacking binging after school.

And as I have said before, he hates oats.
He definitely wouldn't take boiled eggs to school.
He doesn't eat chicken turkey or Beef because he is a vegetarian.
He has plenty of veggies and whole meal bread.

It's his decision to be vegetarian.

• I'm not choosing to buy low-fat options rather than the whole food version of dairy.
I predominantly only buy whole food and vegan option, which generally also happen to be low fat.

• DS gets plenty of protein, I've been a vegan for 30 years, I am well educated in plant and grain based protein and I have no concerns about his diet outside of his snacking.

• If you know how to prep sandwiches properly they can easily keep for a week, I've been doing it for years, DS has no complaints.
It has nothing to do with the sandwiches other than the fact he likes them and wants to eat something.

• if you reread my posts it's not at all processed, DS eats a very clean healthy diet otherwise.
But I'm not going to deny his instant noodles, sausage rolls or bread because that would be ridiculous.

We always have plenty of fruit, prepped veggies, hummus and frozen meals, but when he gets in from school he just wants to eat something quick because he's hungry, and binges because he can.

Who's going to do that?
Because I certainly don't have the time to go to the supermarket ever, let alone every day.

I get online deliveries because I would be going to the supermarket at 9pm if I had to shop in person.

I tried this but he didn't go for it.

He is amazing with he cousins but he wouldn't want to volunteer at a club or anything, he's quite shy generally unless among family and friends so I don't think he would be interested.
I can suggest it though.

No I'm working.

He's allowed to cook anything he likes, except the stuff that is for meals.
There's a meal planner on the front of the fridge so he knows what is designated for meals.

He is allowed pasta, but a normal serving size, not half a bag.

I don't buy white bread, only buy whole meal.
He has a protein filled breakfast.

His diet is otherwise healthy.

I don't buy white bread, only buy whole meal.
He has a protein filled breakfast.

His diet is otherwise healthy.

DS chooses his lunch.
He can have whatever he wants.

Who do you think is going to make him a cooked lunch?

I've already said several times school lunch isn't an option.
And DS will not eat anything that requires cutlery or sitting down to eat as that's not an option for him.

That's trickier then if you aren't there to stop him. I have no idea how you stop him as I'm lucky that mine just don't.

My mum used to keep food locked away so my brother couldn't help himself. It was a terrible solution. So don't do that.