How to deal with greedy teen?

[JemimaThePuddleDuck]

DS is 15.
He used to be sporty and fit, he was always playing out with his friends and was slim.
over covid he got into online gaming and he and his friends now just want to sit on discord calls playing games together every night, he doesn't go out, doesn't exercise and just wants to lie around watching YouTube or playing games.

He gave up all his sports and now spends most of his time in front of a screen.

I've tried to limit screen time, but it doesn't make a difference, he doesn't want to go outside or be active.

The main issue is his greediness and his weight.

Over the last six months he's become really greedy, like he can't control himself.
he's also gained weight, to the point where his clothes don't fit and I would consider him overweight.

It's definitely greediness, he's got into a habit of eating his packed lunch at break time, so by the time he gets home from school he is starving,
we always have plenty of easy to prepare food but he will go for the laziness option and stuff himself.

I tried to talk to him, discussed options and got in snacks he would like, but he will gorge himself on them.

Some examples,
He asked for specific cereals,
But he will eat the entire box, out of the bag, like it's a bag of crisps.
He asked for wraps and cheese to make quesadillas, he then ate two whole packs of wraps (16 in total) and a bag and a half of grated cheese, in two days.
He asked for instant noodles, he will make three packs at the same time in one bowl.
He asked for yoghurts, but will eat the entire multipack in a day or two.
He will make an enormous bowl of pasta, literally 250g (half a bag) of pasta and just have it with butter or pesto.
Multiple bags of crisps in one sitting.
More times than I can count he has eaten almost an entire loaf of bread either as toast or just bread and butter.

These are all for after school snacks, he then still expects a full meal for dinner two and a half hours later.

The biggest issue is he has gotten into the habit of eating his packed lunch things.

I pre make his sandwich's on a Sunday and put them in the fridge.
He takes a sandwich, a bag of crisps, an apple and a cereal bar to school.
I will quite often find that he has eaten all of the crisps or cereal bars or several of his sandwiches (not ones he's taken to school) part the way through the week.

This evening I have just discovered he had eaten two packets of his crisps and one of his lunch sandwiches,
we had a full roast dinner at 4.30pm, so he's had that and then helped himself to those.

I don't think it's hunger, I think it's greed and probably boredom,
He knows it's there and is lazy,
We have other snack food, there is a pack of cheese and onion rolls, yoghurts, other crisps, fruit and bread.
But he chose to eat his packed lunch sandwich.

I'm so frustrated.
I'm sick of buying food for him to gorge himself on and it be gone in a couple of days.
It's not normal or healthy, at this rate he will be obese soon.

I don't know what to do, I've tried taking to him, planning meals and getting healthier snacks in, I tried tough love, explaining his weight is an issue and he needs to stop eating like this, I've tried shouting, I've tried begging, I've tried hiding food and rationing it.... nothing has worked.

I don't know what to do, has anyone else been through this?

@Swayingpalmtrees
i agree with everyone you have written.

OP is trying to control her son. That is not how a teenager grows and flourishes. All we can do as parents is guide and facilitate with love. Then we have to let go. The boy needs to be accepted and loved for who he is and learn to manage his weight.

The differences I would make if it was my son would be to provide a cooked lunch and not allow him to use dinner supplies for snacks. I struggle to understand how a 15yo boy can get through the school day on a lettuce sandwich, a bag of crisp and an apple. A food flask of leftovers would sustain him much longer.

And I don’t understand the refusal to provide lunch if he eats a sandwich in advance. Why such a battle of wills? He needs lunch.

So your kids don't take food when they're not supposed to. Great for you. I also have two children who don't sneak food from the cupboard if I tell them not to.

You haven't answered by question though, what if they do 'steal' food, again and again?

Honestly, I do wonder at people's lack if ability to recognise that not all children are the same and sometimes it is not as simple as just telling your kids what your expectations are and having them miraculously conform.

You can talk to your dc without fat shaming them fgs. It's not ignore it and feed them whatever they want or be a completely critical controlling mother who calls them names. There is a grey area. I tell my dc that it's my job to make sure they make it to 18 alive and healthy, once they're 18 if they want to gorge on chocolate spread it's up to them, but it's much easier to get fit and healthy in adolescence than as an adult.

If you as their parent can't talk to them and explain how food and exercise can equal good health or poor health then who is? And I have extensive experience of working with teenagers with MH issues and I don't have any personal issues with disordered eaten to cloud my views.

OP is trying to control her son.

Lookingforsalt that's deeply unfair to the OP - she isn't. She is trying to help him.

Your description of his lunch is daft too.

@JemimaThePuddleDuck I know nothing about my fitness pal but I find it really hard to see how the list you gave could possibly add up to anything like 132g of protein. If you are relying on that daily I would suggest manually calculating based on exact amounts and products eaten to check it's correct. There's no point thinking DS is getting 'loads of protein' from his non excessive eating diet if he isn't.

I wasn't answering the "what do you do if they repeatedly do steal food?" question. I was refuting the which trust me they will because its not a given that they will.

I don't know the solution to how you deal with a teen repeatedly 'stealing' food. Mine don't do it. Neither do any of my friends AFAIK. It's not inevitable.

My description of his lunch is as she described it.

And no it is not unfair to point out the truth in that OP is trying to control her son. In fact she is obsessed with doing so. Pages of calling him greedy.

Yes she prepares healthy vegetarian dinners and so on, yes she encourages him to be physically active, all of that is great. And that is where it needs to stop. Her son is exercising his (very limited) independence by choosing to eat in a way that the OP dislikes. It’s classic teenage rebellion. 💯 he is aware of her disapproval of his weight and he is fighting back.

Morw than anything, teenagers need to feel accepted.

All a parent can do is guide their child. They can’t force them to be fat or thin without dipping into abusive territory.

OP claims to be concerned for her sons well-being but in all likelihood she is deeply uncomfortable about having a fat kid because it’s a social taboo.

If she ignores the weight and focuses on helping him feel good about himself, he is likely to make better choices.

OP that 132g protein doesn’t look to be right, can you check again. It’s pretty hard to eat that quantity on a mixed diet let alone on a veggie diet. It’s 6.5g protein in an egg and approx 10g in a veggie sausage. So 20 eggs would get you 132g protein.
If protein is lower than you think then my guess is he’s genuinely hungry some of the time and has developed an unhealthy habit of binging on white foods.

And no it is not unfair to point out the truth in that OP is trying to control her son. In fact she is obsessed with doing so. Pages of calling him greedy.

That's incorrect. She has used the term 'greedy' but not pages of it.

She's not at all trying to control him - are you mad? She's trying to do something about his sedentary life style, weight gain & over-eating. Like a sensible parent.

in all likelihood she is deeply uncomfortable about having a fat kid because it’s a social taboo.

@LookingForSalt

That's wild speculation. You've no evidence of that. Certainly not from this thread.

I see a mother who wants her son to be healthy & active - in whatever way he chooses, she's open to walks, trips to other cities etc

You've made that up & it's disgraceful.

There is so much projection on this thread it's ridiculous 🙄

I agree with @EarringsandLipstick about the limits of parental guidance and that when we can't accept that it's usually because we struggle to accept kids for themselves due to our own issues. I wish I had known that earlier myself.

On a related note, posters who are saying (a bit smugly) that their kids don't do X because they're not allowed - I don't feel this kind of compliance is nearly as desirable as I used to. I have older kids now, and I can see that this has a tendency to blow up in unexpected ways. 'Naturally' compliant kids become anxious and conflicted about whether they are only loved if compliant, and kids who seem constitutionally less submissive are impacted by what they feel as hostility or ambivalence from the parent. I wish I'd known this sooner too.

'when we can't accept those limits' not 'can't accept that'.

I've read up to 09.54 and concluded this kid needs more FAT and protein so he can feel satiety. The snack scarfing is typically selfish teenage behaviour. The easy white carb high sugar snacks will be making him hungrier for more.
He needs full fat milk, yogurts, protein shakes etc
Some kids do get plump before they shoot up. The phrase 'puppy fat' is not a recent invention.
Right now you're in a power struggle over his food. You need to drop the rope.

Responsible and loving parent would do anything to ensure offspring learns healthy eating habits to remain in healthy weight.
Fuck the pussyfooting around food. Crisps - shit as no nutritional value whatsoever. Same sweet crap, whether pastries or sweets.
Same all fizzy drinks and squash.
In real moderation, all the above is fine given person is in healthy weight.
If not, don't buy to remove temptation to scoff the lot.🤮
Vegetables and fruit- good as provides vitamins and fibre.
Meat/fish/ eggs/ cheese etc. great sources of protein.
Unless doing heavy manual labour or loads of active sport, reduce the intake of simple carbs.
It's not difficult.

How on earth are people affording this much food so feed these ever so hungry teenagers??! I would just stop buying all of it and once it's gone, it's gone. I couldn't afford this volume of food even for our family let alone 1 individual.

How on earth are people affording this much food so feed these ever so hungry teenagers??! I would just stop buying all of it and once it's gone, it's gone

Well, parents go to foodbanks if they can't afford the food blue Most parents are not going to let their children starve, so they HAVE to find a way to provide for their growing children. You can't just say oh well the food has all gone, we have another four days until the next batch arrives
I hope you don't have actual children, your comment is worrying if you have.

It's really quite normal to buy snack food for the week and when it's gone it's gone. I buy my dc food, some crap like noodles and crumpets and some decent snacks. I wouldn't go and buy them strawberries every day just because they liked them and ate them up on shopping day. I'd be broke. Have you even got teenagers @Swayingpalmtrees because it really doesn't sound like it.

Snack food is the same in all houses when it is gone it is gone, but not actual food that blue was referring to and I answered.

Yes I absolutely have teenagers for many years now, thanks snow and they do eat me out of house and home, and seem to love something one week and hate it the next. I find the almost permanent restocking of the fridge a real pain. I think I said much further up about my dc. They do lots of sport, they eat lots of food, they are also veggies. So I also know how hard it is to make filling food that isn't full of carbs. I also know how important it is to be kind about their intake and think about the impact of my words around them. My dd would be bloody horrified if I called her a word like 'greedy' genuinely offended and up in arms. I am amazed anyone is getting away with half the things on this thread without immediately being robustly called out by their teens (many of whom have friends that are battling serious ED and are self harming)

Really, because I have two, 15 and 16 and I have never had to be constantly refilling a fridge. I buy food for the week, their food that they can help themselves to and when it's gone it's gone, and usually a treat for myself. Although mine have school dinners so it might be different with packed lunches.

Also I might say something like - don't be greedy. My teens don't call me out for saying that 😂they call my mum and step dad out when they say things that aren't 'woke' but no they wouldn't bat an eyelid if I said don't be greedy whilst they are being greedy. Not sure why that term offends you so much tb, it's a bit odd.

Also there has been plenty of times I've said it in work, if I've taken a YP out for a meal and they ask for two puddings. I might make a joke and say you're eyes are too big for your belly chose one, or I might say don't be so greedy you can have one. In a nice tone. I would really really doubt that the YP I work with and case hold for many years develop a secret eating disorder because of me making a joke about them being a bit greedy sometimes. It's really not a horrible thing to say.

We buy fresh food and bread from the farm shop so it does need to be restocked every few days, they get through tons of apples etc. The bread goes rock hard quite soon unless it is eaten.

I think I have made it clear why my teens are sensitive to certain words, one of their friends is still in hospital, it is a little odd you can't seem to actually read my posts properly. Time for specsavers maybe?

Okay @Swayingpalmtrees keep projecting your own shit 🙄

Being called greedy -selfish is very different from being called greedy-fat. I'm sure the OP's anxiety about the latter is literally fizzing and will be very apparent to her DS - her unwillingness to even engage with the possibility that her DS is struggling with MH aligns with that too.

"I am amazed anyone is getting away with half the things on this thread without immediately being robustly called out by their teens (many of whom have friends that are battling serious ED and are self harming)" - I agree @Swayingpalmtrees .

Calling someone greedy is a horrible thing to say. You should be ashamed of saying things like that to other people. How do you know the recipient of such words isn't suffering from an eating disorder? I hope anyone you do say such things to tells you about yourself.