Does your teenager have a Saturday job?

[Anon778833]

My dd is 18 and she’ll be going to university this year. When I was a teenager, my parents expected me to have a a Saturday job to pay for things that I wanted and I had once consistently from age 16 to when I graduated university. My dd, although very academic and predicted very good A level results, is not at all keen to get any kind of job, ever. I love her dearly but she is lazy. She doesn’t lift a finger around the house either to help me and I’m concerned that she might not cope very well in the real world.

This is probably my fault. But I’m wondering whether cultural norms have changed so that teenagers don’t have part time jobs anyway?

Yes, mine works in a restaurant snd has done since turning 16, she's nearly 17. We wanted her to gain some confidence and also to have something to show on her cv, as well as money. Re cv I just mean some commitment, someone to give her a reference etc. I worked from turning 16 and throughout university holidays, my friends did too so it was the norm. Her friends do now also I should add, mainly in hospitality.

No, nor us.I didn’t think paper rounds were that common anymore either.

@FarFarFarAndAway "exhausted" from a commute at 18?! 🤣 She's pulling your leg! God help her when she's 40 with kids and commuting more than a few minutes!

My daughter commutes over two hours a day, leaving 7.30 am and getting in after 5. That doesn't leave much time for homework in the evenings, so it has to be done on weekends. She's not home at 3.30pm!

Presumably long days, don’t be so dismissive. My sons college timetable means that every week day apart from one he’s up at 6.45 and doesn’t get home til 6pm. Yes, he’s tired. 🤷🏻‍♀️ He often has homework to do for the next day on top.

Not always! My school was a 50 mile round trip and I went on the bus. Had to get up at 6am and was never home before 6.30pm (because of prep/bus leaving time etc)
I was 10, and I remember crying with how tired I was

Rather than dwelling on what you could have done, once she's finished her a levels consider the next part of her education/ your job as a parent is to ensure that she has the skills she'll need to start uni.
She'll need to be able to cook (& shop for) simple meals, do her laundry, change a duvet cover, spot when a bin or dishwasher needs emptying and do it.
All of these will make her a better housemate. You can't force her to get a job as it sounds like she doesn't need the cash but what drove my dd to get work was that her friends were doing the same - she is surprised by how much she loves it and it is really good for her in so many ways

Both mine had jobs from 16, and it did them the world of good. Apart from the work ethic, learning customer service skills etc, it really helps to have something on their cv when it comes to applying for placement jobs if they're doing a year in industry.

I think that when she goes to uni and doesn’t take out the bins, ever she’s going to irritate her peers 😬
Never a truer word.

My son, did some admin work in my office at 13/14, he did some gardening for which we paid him during lock down and is now working as a rehab assistant, 12 - 18 hours a week whilst he's studying for his a levels. He also does his own ironing, helps round the house cleaning and cooking and has done from a very young age.

DS does online tutoring and matched betting as he's 18. Doesn't even have to leave his bedroom for work. Spends all his money going out socialising though.

DD 14 been working 2-3 4 hour evening shifts a week since just before her 14th birthday. Some of her wages saved, some for when she's out with friends, make up etc. She may well have to pack it in or cut back when exams get a bit more intense but for now it's great.
I don't think I should be financing face masks and Costas...actually I can't really afford it. It's done her confidence a world of good!

And nobody says you have to...

We're lucky that we live in an area where I can be reasonably confident that my boys are safe on a paper round. When I was their age, I had to be at the stables at 6am mucking out before my paper round so I don't see getting up and out the house while it's dark as an issue.

Interestingly, I don't "insist" that my eldest pays housekeeping. He actually offered to put some money towards the budget for things like takeaways, which he'd eat every day given half the chance! He's making £300 a month so still has plenty for clothes and going out with his mates.

Don' t be too hard on yourself OP, a part time job at that age isnt the be all and end all.
My 16 yr old works alongside myself at the weekends on dot.com, 6.00 am starts. He is home educated though so he has more flexability in the week rather than the other 16- 18 yr olds who attend school Mon -Fri, then very early starts on dot.com Sat and Sun, they look exhausted and l can' t help but feel for them.
I think if you are driven, and want to get on, you will regardless, part time job or not.
With regards to your daughter helping out at home, yes she should, l would cut down on the amount you do for her, tell her you need to work as a team, to be aware of what needs doing, what you need help with. l know alot of teenagers who were lazy at home but then went on to keep a well managed house.
Some of the replies on here are harsh, it would be interesting to see how well some would manage doing what your doing alone.

I think you've had some harsh responses, and some really helpful comments. I think you're probably right that your daughter needs to step up a bit/learn some life skills and that that is going to be hard to implement. And I'd probably be tempted not to rock the boat right now, assuming she's just starting to sit her A Levels. But over the long summer would be a great time to work on things with her - if not with a job (I can see she may not have the motivation if she doesn't need money), then with developing general around-the-house skills in preparation for university.

I am reading a book at the moment called How to Raise an Adult, which is very thought-provoking and gives some helpful advice about exactly how to develop your kids' skills. (I love a self-help book though, and aware not everyone does!)

My kids are 15 and 13. 15 year old has a job working about 8 hours a week in a chip shop. She'll pick up more shifts over the holidays. She is very driven and organised it herself - I'd have expected jobs to start at about 16. She gets a decent allowance from us, so is saving most of her work money. I think it's been good for her confidence (though she's pretty confident anyway). She cooks dinner once a week at home.

All 3 kids have specific jobs around the house. I'm really working at getting them to do it without being reminded, but it's a long process. One of them is very reluctant to help with anything - I think it's anxiety rather than simple laziness, but DH disagrees, so that's not clear-cut at all. It's definitely a struggle for a lot of us!

My DS, 17, has had jobs for the last 2 years. Pot washing, sports coaching and he's now a qualified surf instructor. He does this for 3 hour sessions either in the evening or at the weekend. He's not doing many shifts at the moment due to exams but will work all summer. I worked from I was 14 till all my way through uni so just expected to really. Most of his mates have jobs too.

My older 2 had part-time jobs from year 12.

My child in year 11 plans to do the same when he turns 16 during the summer holidays.

I don't know if it's because they are at a comp but it's very unusual for their peers not to have part time jobs in Sixth Form.

She need to get a job

Even Babysitting? Shop work? Cafe etc?

It will be good for her
Confidence.

Please don't let her get to
Graduation stage with no work experience at all. She wont have anything to talk about at interview with prospective employers or write on her application for grad schemes

Her cv will be totally blank

I sometimes interview grads and those with nothing on their CV are hard work. What did you do with your summers if you didn't have a job ? Studying. Yeah right

I agree. I think on the whole, this thread has been very helpful for me. And thank you for the book recommendation- I do really like self help books as it happens. I also have a 2 year old and we don’t know yet whether she’s autistic or not but if she’s as able as dd2, I don’t want to make the same mistakes as I already have.

My point is that teenagers should have a lot of energy. They don't have children giving them sleepless nights. They don't have to do housework or childcare at home. In my 20s and late teens I could go clubbing and rock up at work the next day and survive, as most people can.

My ds16 had a paper round at 13, started a couple of shifts a week at local farm shop at 15 and is now working on Friday evenings in the kitchen of a restaurant.
I think it's really important to learn the value of money, have some income that they can completely choose what they spend it on, and learn to deal with people outside of their friends and family.
My dcs are also expected to help around the house (load/unload dishwasher, lay/clear the table, help cook sometimes etc.)
You do seem to have made a little bit of a rod for your own back op, sorry.

DS started as a paper boy covering the holidays when others went away. While he's been in 6th form he coaches tennis one evening and does a weekly lifeguarding session. For me it's not just the money it's learning to work alongside adults and as part of a team (who are not your mates). He doesn't have fixed chores at home but does help with washing and in the garden.

My ASD teen did some virtual PA work for an entrepreneurial friend who started a business that became unexpectedly very successful. DS booked flights and hotels for him, did some copywriting of business materials and that sort of thing.

The other thing he does is go to sales and buy rare things then sell them online for a good profit. These two things have kept him afloat.

But I told him now he's a bit older he needs a 'proper' job in a cafe or restaurant as he needs the experience of regular shifts, getting on with difficult customers or colleagues he has nothing in common with. Luckily he agrees, and he's ready now in a way he wasn't when he was 16. ASD teens can mature a little later in terms of the kind of social confidence and mental practicality needed to hold down a job.

I'll go against the current here but I never had a job (may be a cultural thing ? I'm not British and most people I know also didn't get a job until they graduated).

My parents expected me to focus on my studies and I'm glad I didn't have to work at the same time, I had a hard enough time in school (bullying and isolation).

As an adult I have a good, steady job so I don't think having a job as a teen is a predictor of success.

I do wish my mother had taught us better to do chores in the house though as I still suck at it many years hence.