I disgust my DD

[thinlyv]

Light hearted... sat watching tv with DD15 & she dry heaved.. 'what's wrong?' I ask. 'You, you're so cringey'. I'm literally sat here doing nothing. WTAF.

Hahaha, I felt this, OP.

My child almost died of mortification today because I handed her her bottle as I walked past her on the bus.

Until then she had been doing a brilliant impression of never having seen this fat, embarassing, elderly bag-lady before in her life.

I think I might have ruined her life.

Those of us who disagreed with OP's 'lighthearted' approach are not parents with 'perfect children' and have said so.

What I object to is the suggestion that an obnoxious hurtful comment, apropos of nothing, is treated as 'lighthearted'.

My DC are at times rude, hurtful and obnoxious. Absolutely. But there's a context - a row with siblings, being told they can't do something etc. I don't find it lighthearted, and I do deal with it.

They don't randomly say hurtful things to me or someone else tho. If they did, I'd definitely not see it as lighthearted & post here on a wry 'what are teenagers like' way.

Well that's absolutely fine for you EarringsandLipstick but why is the op not allowed to view things differently? She knows her own dd better than you after all and is able to view things in the round. You have no idea about all the other positive aspects about her dd's character, nor does anyone else on here who is commenting negatively about the op's parenting.

The op has only presented one brief negative incident here which many humourless people have pounced on in order to make themselves feel better by commenting on how superior their own parenting is to hers. Why is she not allowed to just vent a bit in a good humoured way? Maybe give the op some credit and have the humility to realise that she knows her own child better then you do, before you start with the buttock-clenching judgey comments?

This morning my DS rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically because I had the gall to offer him a fresh out the tumble dryer pair of school trousers so they were nice and warm!

The toddlers years are a breeze in comparison to parenting teens. I was under the illusion it got better completely forgetting what I was like as a teenager!

must be the perfect parent. How lovely to be able to cast sweeping judgements on people & situations.

I'm absolutely not perfect, you posted a situation and people made a judgement. I'm not the only person to view it this way; there are multiple posters who share that opinion.

Please don't reference my teen as if she's the devil based on your limited understanding of a scenario I've described as 'light hearted' & that I also dealt with in the correct manner for my child/ family.

Please don't put words in my mouth. I said she was rude. Not the devil. Stop being so dramatic.

I feel your pain op. I'm in a house with 3 teens and I'm they are the main reason I drink wine!

elelel how do you know that op hasn't taught her DC's manners and respect from this one incident? Teens don't always have the best emotional regulation. They speak out of turn. And yes they can be rude sometimes. You don't know the whole picture. And I know lots of teens who were seriously vile on occasion who have turned in to perfectly decent young adults. The op came on here to vent in a light-hearted way and perhaps receive some solidarity from other posters with teens who 'get it'; all the holier than thou comments help no-one; seriously, please tell me, what do they actually achieve?

how do you know that op hasn't taught her DC's manners and respect from this one incident?

I don't. Just like everyone else on the thread I made my judgement on that one incident because that is the information given. That's a totally normal method of responding to a post on a forum though, to form your response using the given detail.

I don't. Just like everyone else on the thread I made my judgement on that one incident because that is the information given. That's a totally normal method of responding to a post on a forum though, to form your response using the given detail

Well in that case I suggest you are very, very quick to judge.

The problem with Mumsnet ATM - which is meant to be a website supportive of parents - is that if anyone posts a problem that they are currently having with their DC, from light-hearted to serious, they have to wade through post after post of negative judgement and criticism about their parenting, in order to read a few posts that are supportive and sympathetic, and this is making it harder and harder for people to vent or ask for help, or even share a laugh.

Obviously, advice becomes meaningless if it contains indiscriminate approval, but I think there is a balance here, and the balance ATM imho is way out of whack!

Well in that case I suggest you are very, very quick to judge.

That's what everyone does when they read a post, they make a judgement and reply. If my judgement had been similar to those in the 'haha' camp you wouldn't be critical about my judgement. Everyone sees judgment as a negative but it's actually what we do, as humans, all day long. It's what keeps us safe when crossing the road - that's a positive judgement. I get that you don't agree with me on the judgement I made, but every single person who responded to this post made a judgment, including you.

If dry heaving was practising being a mean girl she needs to up her game.
It's a funny old time for teens atm - give her a really cringey hug

elelel I think you know I am talking about posters eagerness to put the boot in unnecessarily, however you hedge about the point.

I only make judgements when I have enough information to do so. I can judge whether to cross the road as I have done it lots of times. I have no where near enough information to judge the OP's parenting, she was clear that her daughters comment was unacceptable, she just was sharing to as people do. Do people not expect teenagers to ever do anything wrong? Or do we understand sometimes they do, correct them and move on?

@Italiandreams

I only make judgements when I have enough information to do so. I can judge whether to cross the road as I have done it lots of times. I have no where near enough information to judge the OP's parenting, she was clear that her daughters comment was unacceptable, she just was sharing to as people do. Do people not expect teenagers to ever do anything wrong? Or do we understand sometimes they do, correct them and move on?

Just to clarify I was judging the situation, not OPs parenting. Making a judgement on limited information is the basis of most forums.

[quote thinlyv]@wonderwomblesaurus73
As she was 'in this house' [/quote]
I totally missed the original intention of the original post! 😂
I have a friend whose daughter farts in public and then loudly accuses her mother of doing it. Your girl needs to up her cringe game!

@elelel , you judged the situation when the OP said made her daughter aware it was inappropriate and dealt with it?

[quote Italiandreams]@elelel , you judged the situation when the OP said made her daughter aware it was inappropriate and dealt with it?
[/quote]

I can't work out if you are asking or telling me here. Anyway my point about judgment was that everybody on this thread has made one. The word judgement is often used in a negative manner, I was told I was very very quick to judge, what I was trying to explain is that I wasn't any quicker than anyone else, I just made a judgement that OP and others didn't agree with. That's ok though, we don't all view things the same. I wasn't the only one who said it was rude. Can we stop going over this now?

@Latticeallure88

Those of us who disagreed with OP's 'lighthearted' approach are not parents with 'perfect children' and have said so.

What I object to is the suggestion that an obnoxious hurtful comment, apropos of nothing, is treated as 'lighthearted'.

My DC are at times rude, hurtful and obnoxious. Absolutely. But there's a context - a row with siblings, being told they can't do something etc. I don't find it lighthearted, and I do deal with it.

They don't randomly say hurtful things to me or someone else tho. If they did, I'd definitely not see it as lighthearted & post here on a wry 'what are teenagers like' way.

Well that's absolutely fine for you EarringsandLipstick but why is the op not allowed to view things differently? She knows her own dd better than you after all and is able to view things in the round. You have no idea about all the other positive aspects about her dd's character, nor does anyone else on here who is commenting negatively about the op's parenting.

The op has only presented one brief negative incident here which many humourless people have pounced on in order to make themselves feel better by commenting on how superior their own parenting is to hers. Why is she not allowed to just vent a bit in a good humoured way? Maybe give the op some credit and have the humility to realise that she knows her own child better then you do, before you start with the buttock-clenching judgey comments?

She is.

She posted on a forum. Where people offer their opinions. Which is what I did.

I don't see it as lighthearted. That's the opinion I shared.

Again it's how a forum works? 🤷🏻‍♀️

There is scientific evidence that girls particularly demonstrate less than acceptable behaviour in an effort to consciously pull away from mothers particularly. It's a developmental stage. The more they love you, the harsher that might be I guess?!

Never heard of this. Have you examples of this evidence?

I know of course that teenagers (male & female) pull away from their parents as they establish themselves on the path to adulthood.

Still don't think that involves directly nasty comments tho.

I think everybody may have had a bad day yesterday / too many glasses of wine. It's the only way I can explain all the critical judgement on my post v another one live on the site right now about a teen being a little madam to her sick mum. Lots of lovely supportive comments on that one. As there well should be.

I just thought it not funny and couldn’t imagine being ok with it

I don’t get the issue with posters talking about what they find ok or not

Not really critical judgement

Some responses to that have been a bit ott but seems deleted now anyway.

Wow this escalated quickly!

My response would be to go out of my way to be MORE cringe - my mam used to sing and dance in shops (still does and being totally honest I now often join in ) without me saying things like this to her, so your daughter DEFINITELY deserves that sort of treatment. Show her the meaning of cringe!

Also loved the PP who talked about using slang, another excellent tactic!

Oh wow. The replies on here. I think OP was just trying to make light of a teen making fun of her mum for just sitting. The joke is on the teen for being a stereotype Kevin, no need to give OP parenting critiques.