I disgust my DD

[thinlyv]

Light hearted... sat watching tv with DD15 & she dry heaved.. 'what's wrong?' I ask. 'You, you're so cringey'. I'm literally sat here doing nothing. WTAF.

@11GrumpsaGrumping

Op ignore the sense of humour failures...

My son is only 5 and he ALREADY thinks I am embarrassing.

Obviously he gets put in time out / privileges taken away for rudeness, but sometimes it is all I can do not to laugh out loud.

You are saying to ignore the sense of humour fails, yet you are punishing your 5 year old in order to teach him not to be rude - double standards? You don't want your child to grown up to be the teen in this thread, but you think people have lost their sense of humour because we also did the same?

OP, been there, done that, or rather had it done to me by all of my DDs. If yours does it again inform her (very seriously, raise a single eyebrow if possible) that you have vowed that in 2022 you will be at least 75% MORE embarassing and sick making than usual. Enjoy the look of horror that will appear on her face.

@ArchibaldsDaddy

That level of disrespect is unacceptable to/from anyone.

The question you really need to be asking yourself is how she’s been able to develop that way of talking to people…and if there’s anything you can do about it.

I suspect underpinning it all is some deep-seated self-insecurity, which may be a sign of something much worse and damaging.

Either way, you’re abrogating your responsibility as a parent and role model if you leave that sort of explicit behaviour unchallenged.

Read my subsequent posts. It wasn't left unchallenged!!!! She does have a few minor social issues & is v young for her age - which is why I know, as her parent, this was not said in serious malice. We're all good. But thanks for the psycho-analysis!

@elelel must be the perfect parent. How lovely to be able to cast sweeping judgements on people & situations.
Please don't reference my teen as if she's the devil based on your limited understanding of a scenario I've described as 'light hearted' & that I also dealt with in the correct manner for my child/ family.

@wonderwomblesaurus73
As she was 'in this house'

I wonder if they realise that they're equally as cringey and annoying?

My teen ds is doing my head in at the minute as he's in a phase where whenever I ask him to do something, he reacts as if I have asked him like 700 times or something. "Oh my god you are so annoying. Why do you have to go on and on and on?" I'm sat there like "it's the first time I've said it"

To defuse I say his name and when he says what I say stinks. Just to be the annoying person he thinks I am it usually leads him away from the grumpiness that follows.

I'd find that funny because it's done in humour and not nastiness!

Must be a barrel of laughs in some of your houses.

Gosh I never expected such bitter judgement on my 'light hearted' post.

Are you new to Mumsnet? 😂 "Lighthearted" seems to be impossible nowadays.

Carry on making her cringe I say 👊🏼

@TheCatShatInTheHat

Exactly what I was thinking!

@Ohmycron

Mothers of daughters tolerate incredible rudeness. I’d not put up with that shit

What nonsense.

Be grateful she sits near you! My dd hasn't come near me since 2017!🙄

Read that comment and thought the same.

A15 year old dry retching for no reason because you're sat watching tv in your own house? How bloody gross and rude. I'd have never spoke to or treated my parents like that. Being a teenager doesn't mean you can treat your parents like shit and I'd be really mortified if mine spoke to me like that. And I normally roll my eyes when people get serious on light hearted threads but honestly that kind of behaviour doesn't make me laugh, it just reeks of total disrespect.

I had a job where I had to visit schools to tell them off for poor financial management. All well and good until I had to go to DS's school, and DH dropped us off together that morning. DS was horrified and completely blanked me all the way into the school building.

Was she just a bit bored and having a laugh?
Of course teens are self conscious around parents. They’re at an age where they’re supposed to be pulling away and they can’t show their peers that they still need parenting. Imo the teens who are overly self-conscious may have some self-esteem issues and worry a lot about what their peers think of them.
But the dry heave while sitting beside you sounded like she just wanted to start something cheeky…could have gone anywhere depending on your chill level.

"Only 'cringey'? I must try harder!" Yup, that's the best approach with teens, let them know that you are genuinely bored enough to dedicate your life to turning cringe into the Goldberg (American sitcom) mother hell if they push you too far. Works every time 😉

I’d literally ignore it. No reaction.

Then give it a minute or so, dry heave yourself and say to her “you. You’re so cringey”. Then chuckle to yourself at being very witty.

This would be my response. It would drive them bonkers but also deflects the situation 😂😂 I have a 12 yr old girl who occasionally comes out with things that are rude. I find humour is the best way of dealing with most stuff unless you have serious issues.

I didn't post to be criticised.. it's light hearted. We all know teenagers are Jekyll & hydes right..?!

Criticism shouldn't be directed at you.

But this is nasty & unacceptable. Not part of some stereotype of teenage behaviour like you suggest.

You seem to think because she's nice to others, it's ok.

No, it's not. I've 3 DC. One teen. They do lots that's wrong / unkind, including to me. But I wouldn't tolerate this, or find it lighthearted. I'd be hurt. They'd know about it.

But while we have lots of run-ins, I actually can't imagine any of my DC saying anything directly unkind or mean in this way. It's not ok, and all these comments about 'just don't breathe OP' are fuelling a stupid narrative around 'how teens should be'.

The OP did not say the behaviour was ok, she dealt with it in her way. And she is now sharing on here in the way lots of people do, it's one way to cope with parenting . Realising we are not alone and others are dealing with it. ( I know I am stating the obvious but a few people seem to need it spelling out! Well done those with perfect children who never do anything wrong, the rest of us guide our children in the way we see fit but sometimes need to share, possibly in a light hearted way) .

One of the things I used to say to my DDs when they did something like this was ..."It's a darn good thing I love you!" They used to get the message: what you have just said/done is not acceptable, but I love you anyway.

Well done those with perfect children who never do anything wrong,

Those of us who disagreed with OP's 'lighthearted' approach are not parents with 'perfect children' and have said so.

What I object to is the suggestion that an obnoxious hurtful comment, apropos of nothing, is treated as 'lighthearted'.

My DC are at times rude, hurtful and obnoxious. Absolutely. But there's a context - a row with siblings, being told they can't do something etc. I don't find it lighthearted, and I do deal with it.

They don't randomly say hurtful things to me or someone else tho. If they did, I'd definitely not see it as lighthearted & post here on a wry 'what are teenagers like' way.

My 14 yo DS once blushed at my tragic uncoolness. We were in the car. No-one else could see me. But I was so pitiful he blushed beetroot red at the mere thought that someone could have seen me.

I don't think deliberate, calculated insults are funny though.

@Phyllis321

My 14 yo DS once blushed at my tragic uncoolness. We were in the car. No-one else could see me. But I was so pitiful he blushed beetroot red at the mere thought that someone could have seen me.

I don't think deliberate, calculated insults are funny though.

That's very funny & quite different! I love the way you describe it!

As the mother to teens I consider it’s my duty to be cringe

@EarringsandLipstick but it's not stereotypes. There is scientific evidence that girls particularly demonstrate less than acceptable behaviour in an effort to consciously pull away from mothers particularly. It's a developmental stage. The more they love you, the harsher that might be I guess?!
She was a little bored & behaved how she's seen other kids her age behave. In her safe environment. I pulled her up on it. The evening ended with her apologising & us saying we loved each other before she went to bed. Then I came on here to share my 'funny experience' of teen behaviour... I really didn't expect such judgement if either her or me.
@SoupDragon I'm not new, I used Mumsnet a lot when dc were babies & people seemed generally more supportive. Maybe it's a reflection of how partisan we've become as a society & people harbouring their own anger & resentments from a crappy couple of years. The irony is some posters shocked by my DD's behaviour or my 'acceptance' of it might do to 1) consider the full story - as I said repeatedly I didn't accept the behaviours and 2) look at their own seething judgments on others - also rude & disrespectful IMO.

I haven't posted much lately as I tend to know my own mind when it comes to life & parenting.
I shan't bother again.