Son called his teacher a c***

[Lollysticks12]

Gobsmacked, shocked, embarrassed by his behaviour, he is getting worse and no punishment seems to bother him.

13 year old son is now on report at school and is being sent to isolation for 3 days. At home he is lovely and funny but will not behave at school. He lies about how he's behaved at school then it's only when school call that I get the full story. I have made him email an apology.

I don't know what else to do, so far I've tried no football, no PS4, no phone, earlier bed time , no meeting friends. Not all at once though , does anyone have any suggestions?
He has already moved forms because of his behaviour and he calmed for a while.

@mybroomstick

Is she a cunt?

I must say several of mine at school certainly were.

They probably felt the same way about you 🤷🏼‍♀️

Was he being a cunt though? Just asking…

@GnomeDePlume now you mention it, he had his team captain badge taken off him for arguing with the ref in a few matches. He hasn't done it since.

Have you had a conversation with him about the fact that teachers are human beings, who in the main are there to try and help/support you? I know it sounds basic but even in secondary they still don’t quite grasp that we aren’t just punching bags for their frustrations.

My school had a small subset of boys that can cope well with female teacher (mummy types, older sister types or the ones they want to impress) but can’t seem to get on with male teachers - like a butting heads with alpha males type thing.

Does he get called “the man of the house” at home by any chance?

Clearly what your son has done is wrong; but it would make more sense if this was his normal mode - loss of temper, foul language. It seems this does not happen at home and does not happen with anyone else but these two teachers. This is what is odd, and makes me feel there is more to it than meets the eye.

Have you been into school and talked to someone to try and get to the bottom of this? Teachers have a very difficult job and show admirable dedication, but they are not always squeaky clean - you cannot have a whole profession without the occasional rotten apple - or a teacher who is struggling. Your son may have had good reason to be angry - but not good reason to react as he did.

Maybe concentrate on how to deal with his anger, rather than continue to try to find a reason for it. Accept that he felt there was a good reason and put that on one side. Then work on what to do with that anger - how to acknowledge it (it is a reasonable human emotion that we all feel at times) and how to react in a way that does not make the situation worse.

He is entitled to feel angry, as we all are; and if he knows that you recognise and accept that then he might respond to help to deal with it.

Pupils in school often feel powerless and that is a potent impetus to anger. If they can learn to respond in a mature way then a negative can become a positive - an opportunity to learn. He needs to know that you are with him and love him and that you want to help him find a way through this, so that he can avoid being in trouble.

I do not think he is off the rails - he is simply dealing with emotions that he does not have the tools to manage. He needs you on his side.

Why did he verbally abuse the teacher?

There won't be a reason that makes it OK, but there will be a reason and it won't be the one that it appeared to be in the moment.

Some of these comments are depressing.

Obviously you cant go round calling teachers cunts even if they are being one. You cant call your boss or colleagues one either.
Has he disengaged from school? You say his behaviour has been challenging at school for a while. Does he like any of his lessons? Whats going on with him?

His behaviour is poor at school. He's been on report and it's been bad enough for him to have to be moved to a different class (presumably to give the rest of the class a break from him).
He's also argued with the ref at football badly enough and often enough to have his Captain's badge taken from him.

So why are people continuing to paint him as misunderstood, and the teacher of deserving of being called a cunt by his 13 year old pupil? It's bizarre.

I’d have a meeting with the school, find out exactly what has been said and see if it matches up with up with his story, And id make him apologise in person to the teacher in question, he needs to understand he can’t just get angry and call people disgusting names no matter how angry he gets as in the real world that’s not how it works.
Is it just male teachers he has a problem with?

I felt like telling teachers they were one when I was in school. I was a good student.

Maybe the teachers are indeed difficult. Perhaps ask for a new class? Some teachers can be just horrible. So, understand him, gain his trust, seek ways to make school easier for him!

I really don’t understand some of these comments….that there really must be something at the bottom of this and implying that it’s the teachers who are likely to blame??

It sounds like your son has been playing up for a couple of teachers that he’s told you about (and in PE). He left his seat, was told to sit down, he backchatted to the teacher, teacher told him off and so he swore at him. Really sounds like you need to back the school up (and back up appropriate punishments at home).

I’d be asking for a meeting with your son’s head of year to ask for a bit of feedback on your son’s behaviour and attitude across all his subjects.

There will be a reason he's "playing up" though. It might not be, probably isn't, a good one, but there will be a reason and OP won't solve it until that is understood.

So why are people continuing to paint him as misunderstood, and the teacher of deserving of being called a cunt by his 13 year old pupil? It's bizarre.

Because as always, people use their own past experiences of being teenagers long ago in their own school, which forms their judgement.

That’s understandable to do but must sometimes be taken with a pinch of salt regarding what might be happening now and also, we instead need to use what we know as adults as the correct way to behave/deal with issues instead.

It’s hard sometimes, for adults to not react as if they were their teenage selves again but it doesn’t help when advising a parent on the best course of action for their son.

It seems this does not happen at home and does not happen with anyone else but these two teachers

It’s also been happening with his football coach though. He’s also already moved classes once, so that implies other staff too.

I personally would request a meeting with the school. They often will give more information about any behaviour points from teachers and give feedback as to what they think has been happening and then the OP might get a better idea beyond the censored versions from her DS and be better equipped to decide what to do going forward.

@EmpressCixi

I’d wonder why he is seemingly deliberately getting into trouble in school as it is out of character if he is wonderful at home. Is he with a bad crowd of boys that are “daring” him to swear at the teacher or break other rules? Or is there a teacher that has it out for him and is making up transgressions? Or is he avoiding a bully by misbehaving so he can be sent into isolation and thus away from being bullied between classes or at break/lunch?

I think you should have a serious discussion and ask him why. Get to the root of it.

You’ve just written a whole list of excuses here! This is how VAWAG starts. Boys using misogynistic slurs at females, people excusing them - ‘oh, he’s just a kid’ - it escalates because he gets punished and before you know it, he becomes violent. Yes of course it’s not all boys, and not all boys go from calling their teacher a c* to being violent against girls, but it’s never acceptable, and making excuses for this behaviour is never acceptable either.

As a teacher, if a child called me this name I’d come down hard on them but I’d explain why. I’d expect a face to face apology (sending an email is too much of a cop out) and then I’d look at ways to rebuild the relationship with that child.

This is vile. Seriously not ok.

Is he year 8? What set is he for maths? What is the other subject. Yes clearly struggling. Probably academically in those 2 subjects aswell.

You have to be firmer with him when talking to him about his feelings and anger and getting him to express how he feels. Saying he doesn't know is just not ok.

You have very serious problems here. And you seem to be belittling them. Change your view, and recognise that this is a serious problem and really needs addressing.

@AndMatt

There will be a reason he's "playing up" though. It might not be, probably isn't, a good one, but there will be a reason and OP won't solve it until that is understood.

Yes, the reason is that he thinks it’s ok to swear at a teacher! That’s it. That’s the reason. I think you’re actually trying to say that there must be an excuse. That’s different from a reason.

@Ritasueandbobtoo9

Was he being a cunt though? Just asking…

This. Sorry but at secondary school we had two male teachers and they both were absolute cunts. Bad stuff. One of them dislocated the shoulder of a girl on my bus and the other gouged a lump of flesh out of the upper arm of another kid and this was when they weren't being foul mouthed, sarcastic and/or cruel.

I was more than capable of getting and O level in English but cunt No. 1 would not put me in for it even though he knew I needed it for my intended career. I had to go to FE college to get it and I sailed through. He knew I hated him but I had good reason. It was because of his attitude to the kids, his job and the world. I hated him because he was a cunt.

Having said that. I never called him a cunt. I wanted to do well. Better than well to prove to him that I was better than he thought I was. Maybe try and engender that in your DC?

Years later, when I was in the role I wanted my qualification for, he became a client and he was as nice as pie.

I'm a teacher and have been on the receiving end of behaviour like this. I would try to have a conversation with him about the reasons behind his behaviour. I use restorative practice (Google it) and structure my conversations like this-
Thoughts- what were you thinking at the time
Situation- what happened
Impact- who was affected? How were they affected?
Result- what happened next? (E.g. you're suspended for 3 days)
Repair- how are you going to make it right? How can we stop it happening again?
Good luck.

Yes, the reason is that he thinks it’s ok to swear at a teacher! That’s it. That’s the reason.
I think you’re actually trying to say that there must be an excuse. That’s different from a reason.

Perhaps it is, but OP still needs to get to the bottom. Of why that is to solve it. Punishment hasnt worked.

@CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark

I felt like telling teachers they were one when I was in school. I was a good student.

Maybe the teachers are indeed difficult. Perhaps ask for a new class? Some teachers can be just horrible. So, understand him, gain his trust, seek ways to make school easier for him!

Some students can be horrible too. I’ve taught some that we’re genuinely unpleasant. If only I’d known I could have called them a cunt and moved to a new class.

Oh no, wait. I couldn’t have done, because I’m in a professional environment, working with people who I need to show respect to (regardless of how unpleasant they are and regardless of whether they’ve called me a cunt) and life doesn’t work like that.

Silly me.

*were genuinely unpleasant.

How embarrassing