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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Son called his teacher a c***

127 replies

Lollysticks12 · 30/11/2021 17:09

Gobsmacked, shocked, embarrassed by his behaviour, he is getting worse and no punishment seems to bother him.

13 year old son is now on report at school and is being sent to isolation for 3 days. At home he is lovely and funny but will not behave at school. He lies about how he's behaved at school then it's only when school call that I get the full story. I have made him email an apology.

I don't know what else to do, so far I've tried no football, no PS4, no phone, earlier bed time , no meeting friends. Not all at once though , does anyone have any suggestions?
He has already moved forms because of his behaviour and he calmed for a while.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lollysticks12 · 30/11/2021 18:02

@DillDanding this may be an option, never thought of that, thank you.
@NovemberNovemberDarkNights I don't think there is unfortunately, he has uncles and grandads but they don't really play an active roll in his life.
@EmpressCixi these are great suggestions, thank you, punishment is not working he does not seem bothered in the slightest.

OP posts:
Mojoj · 30/11/2021 18:04

There's clearly something else going on. If he keeps it together in his other classes and at home, there's a problem with the two male teachers. And for all you teachers on here, aye, sometimes teachers are to blame. Shocker, I know! Keep talking to him. It'll come out eventually.

lilly7221w · 30/11/2021 18:05

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moonfacebaby · 30/11/2021 18:18

@lilly7221w WTF?!?? Wash his mouth out with soap?!?? Really?!?!

Original poster
Lollysticks12 · 30/11/2021 18:21

@EmpressCixi he says he just asked him to sign his report book and got shouted at to sit down to which he replied I only want my report book signing, then shouted at again to which my son called him the name. This is my sons version and past experience with his version and what the school say are different. He really does not like being shouted out but if he'd sat down and didn't answer back it wouldn't have got this far.

OP posts:
RobertSmithsLipstick · 30/11/2021 18:25

The thing is, people are saying it's out of character, but it isn't if it's a recurring behaviour.

Iwonder08 · 30/11/2021 18:26

OP, parking aside the various punishment options you've been offered here.. Are you not at all wondering why your young teen who is otherwise pleasant is deliberately provocative and acting out in school?

Levithian · 30/11/2021 18:28

I'm stunned that some posters think it's ever okay to call another human being a cunt. They may well be very annoying people, but it's a very bad life lesson to teach your kids that you can abuse people in that way.
Sounds from your update that he has a serious problem with authority, because the teacher sounds reasonable but strict. I'd remove all privileges immediately and would try to get him counselling for anger problems.
FWIW, you sound like a lovely and responsible mother OP. So many people grow up not knowing how to process anger and it is so problematic- it sounds like you're acknowledging it and want to take action.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/11/2021 18:31

If these are his only male teachers and he acts like this only for them, and he has no male role models in his family life, I think some sort of therapy would be in order.

Fallagain · 30/11/2021 18:35

[quote Lollysticks12]@EmpressCixi he says he just asked him to sign his report book and got shouted at to sit down to which he replied I only want my report book signing, then shouted at again to which my son called him the name. This is my sons version and past experience with his version and what the school say are different. He really does not like being shouted out but if he'd sat down and didn't answer back it wouldn't have got this far.[/quote]
Have you asked if how he asked the teacher to sign his report, what the teacher was doing at the time and if he thought the teacher was going to write something positive or negative on the report? You need to explore this more to find out exactly what was happening.

RobertSmithsLipstick · 30/11/2021 18:44

I don't there is anything that could be happening to warrant that language being used.

BillDates · 30/11/2021 18:50

[quote moonfacebaby]@lilly7221w WTF?!?? Wash his mouth out with soap?!?? Really?!?![/quote]
I'm shocked that there's still parents who think pinning their child down and shoving chemicals into their mouth is ok. My Dad did that to my brother for saying shit, funnily while calling him "a little shit" himself. And then tells the school he has no idea where he hears such language. 🙄

I agree swearing at teachers isn't acceptable and OP is trying to sort that, but pinning them down and shoving a bar of soap or squirting it in their mouth is an abusive punishment that should stay in the past and if you have to resort to doing that you've lost control yourself.

My Dad would say pinning his son down and literally washing his mouth out did no harm, he said the same about the slipper and the belt too, but he wasn't there when my brother was pissing the bed in fear before contact with him, and guess what? my brother still swore and grew into an adult with no respect for the parent who thought pinning them down to dish out physical punishment was ok, or who made their child so scared of him they'd stand there and open their mouth for a bar of soap to be shoved in.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 30/11/2021 18:53

Has he had to apologise face to face?

cultkid · 30/11/2021 18:54

His teacher is probably rubbing him the wrong way and vice a versa

I think blanking him will maybe have an effect

Not sure you should punish him at home if he is being punished at school

Not sure it's such a big deal as others have implied

Chalk it up to experience and make sure you let him know how let you down you feel, that you feel it comes across as a reflection of your parenting etc etc and you're ashamed, then move on.
Don't alienate yourself from him he needs you

RoseDog · 30/11/2021 18:57

What subjects is it he is getting in trouble in? How does he do academically?

amillionmenonmars · 30/11/2021 19:02

He called a teacher a cunt.

I will say that again. He called a teacher cunt.

It was witnessed by other students.

And yet we have posters on here asking - did the teacher deserve it or goad him? What subject was it - maybe that was the problem?

Bloody hell. I am so glad I don't have to stand in a classroom anymore, wondering if a student will call me a cunt and whether I will have to explain to a parent that I did nothing to provoke it.

To those posters doing everything they can to look for reasons for this, or even to say that some teachers are cunts - try being in the shoes of that teacher.

If you even remotely imply to your own children that it is EVER ok to use that term for another person the you are seriously letting your children down. What happens when they leave the security blanket of school and start work? What if their boss 'provokes' them or 'deserves' it. Or a co worker. No protection then. They will be on a warning at the very least, and at worse out of a job. You are making your children unemployable by allowing them to think this is EVER acceptable.

toomuchlaundry · 30/11/2021 19:06

Is it only male teachers he has a problem with? Does he do as he his told at home? What happens if you ask him to do something he doesn't want to? Does he do a lot of gaming, how is his behaviour/language then?

Fcuk38 · 30/11/2021 19:07

Taking stuff away will have a short term impact it won’t work in the long term and make him worse. Need to understand the route cause.

Pascal80 · 30/11/2021 19:11

Woah - that is absolutely disgusting and dangerous. If he thinks he can get away with saying that to a teacher without extremely severe consequences, imagine when he grows up and thinks he can go around saying that to other grown men - he will get into serious trouble.

saraclara · 30/11/2021 19:13

@amillionmenonmars

He called a teacher a cunt.

I will say that again. He called a teacher cunt.

It was witnessed by other students.

And yet we have posters on here asking - did the teacher deserve it or goad him? What subject was it - maybe that was the problem?

Bloody hell. I am so glad I don't have to stand in a classroom anymore, wondering if a student will call me a cunt and whether I will have to explain to a parent that I did nothing to provoke it.

To those posters doing everything they can to look for reasons for this, or even to say that some teachers are cunts - try being in the shoes of that teacher.

If you even remotely imply to your own children that it is EVER ok to use that term for another person the you are seriously letting your children down. What happens when they leave the security blanket of school and start work? What if their boss 'provokes' them or 'deserves' it. Or a co worker. No protection then. They will be on a warning at the very least, and at worse out of a job. You are making your children unemployable by allowing them to think this is EVER acceptable.

All of that. I've been reading some of the posts on this thread with my mouth agape.

The number of people who seem to think the teacher must have 'deserved it' is bloody terrifying. Even if the teacher is shit, do people really think that it's okay for a 13 year old to call them a cunt?

This kid stands no chance of being in future employment if he continues on this path, and those advising him think it must be everyone's fault but his.

TinselTitsAndGlitteryBits · 30/11/2021 19:14

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itsjustnotok · 30/11/2021 19:15

OP have you considered a face to face apology? Emailing an apology is easy to do when you don't have to confront anyone and it might give up a dialogue and opportunity for them to discuss what happened?

mrsbitaly · 30/11/2021 19:16

Honestly I do find kids act up in front of friends. Not that it's right but what caused the outburst do you know the conversation that built up to this? What is his circle of friends like are they a bad influence?

LovePoppy · 30/11/2021 19:18

@EmpressCixi

I think the suggestions to punish an alleged offence of calling a teacher a c** by taking phone, banning all friends, banning football, banning all game consoles, early bedtime, stripping his room to only bed and school books, forced sitting in lounge, forced weekend work is not proportionate to the alleged offence at all. It is extremely OTT and cruel.

Have you even asked your DS for his side of the story? Did he call this teacher that name, and if so, why did he do it?

Im a bit suspicious that a child who is lovely at home and lovely with all his other teachers is a horror for just one male teacher....it’s out of character. There has to be a reason why.

Are you her child?
Deisogn · 30/11/2021 19:19

An email won't cut it. You need to frog march him in there and make him apologize in front of you.