Son called his teacher a c***

[Lollysticks12]

Gobsmacked, shocked, embarrassed by his behaviour, he is getting worse and no punishment seems to bother him.

13 year old son is now on report at school and is being sent to isolation for 3 days. At home he is lovely and funny but will not behave at school. He lies about how he's behaved at school then it's only when school call that I get the full story. I have made him email an apology.

I don't know what else to do, so far I've tried no football, no PS4, no phone, earlier bed time , no meeting friends. Not all at once though , does anyone have any suggestions?
He has already moved forms because of his behaviour and he calmed for a while.

It is never acceptable to call anyone a cunt, teacher or otherwise. I don't care about the context, it's a red line.

That said, having had my fair share of unappealing teachers, I do see that some teachers will rub kids up the wrong way. Teachers don't have a monopoly on being perfect. I do therefore think you need to get to the bottom of what it is that precipitates this reaction in your son so you can help him better regulate himself. Going around blowing up at people isn't a healthy way to behave, and he can't continue doing so.

I have a very reasonable 12 year DD, never been in trouble, academically doing well, behavior impeccable at school. This year she has a teacher who is a appalling, and often makes very unprofessional personal remarks to DD in class (there's a back story to why, which I won't go into). DD, despite being highly engaged in every other class, is disengaged in this teachers class. She's not rude, mis-behaving or anything like that - just not participating. Here the teacher is in the wrong, and her behavior has impacted DD's behavior in class and her ability to learn. She is self-teaching outside of the classroom using resources - which is sad but I have to commend her for finding a way to still learn. The moral of the tale is that teachers needs to also be accountable for their behavior and attitude to students. This may not be a factor in your son's case, but I'd want to be certain myself so as to address it even though it does not justify your son's behavior.

@mybroomstick

Is she a cunt?

I must say several of mine at school certainly were.

Same 🤣🤣

And still the comments go on.

Please, everyone who reads this, never, ever allow your child to think that it is ever acceptable to call another person a cunt.

Yes, of course there are bad teachers, poor teachers and people who quite frankly should not be teachers. But they are also human beings with feelings and emotions. Your child may well get away with calling them any name they chose - in fact in the current climate that is highly likely. But if they use that name in work, or in the pub in the future the consequences will be severe.

No one, in any job should have to face being called a cunt and have other people say that it is acceptable.

[quote Lollysticks12]@EmpressCixi he says he just asked him to sign his report book and got shouted at to sit down to which he replied I only want my report book signing, then shouted at again to which my son called him the name. This is my sons version and past experience with his version and what the school say are different. He really does not like being shouted out but if he'd sat down and didn't answer back it wouldn't have got this far.[/quote]
Your OP suggests that he is now on report for calling his teacher a cunt, however this suggests he was already on report prior to this incident.

Why was he on report?

he just asked him to sign his report book and got shouted at to sit down to which he replied I only want my report book signing, then shouted at again to which my son called him the name.

Report books are signed at the very end of a lesson (they wouldn’t be signed earlier in case bad behaviour happens after it is signed, obviously) so if your DS was asked to sit back down, it is clear it was not the end of the lesson when everyone was leaving the room and in fact, was obviously meant to be in his seat at the time. There is a lot your DS is leaving out here (not least the comment on ‘shouting’).

How did you handle it after your DS told you this?

Why did he do that?

Obviously there needs to be consequences, which school are doing, but you need to know why if you’re going to stop it happening again.

I do find this amusing. Apparently there has to be reasons why a teenager calls a teacher this. Really? We think it's acceptable in any way shape or form to use that language.

That teenager KNOWS it's wrong, unless they have a seriously messed up background.

Could you imagine if the boot was on the other foot?

@DumplingsAndStew he was put on report last week for his attitude in his maths lesson and being late to lessons, maths being the other teacher he has decided to have an attitude problem with.

he just asked him to sign his report book and got shouted at to sit down to which he replied I only want my report book signing, then shouted at again to which my son called him the name.

Your son was clearly disrupting the lesson. Calling out and standing up, then calling the teacher a cunt. Wow. Poor teacher. Not to mention the rest of the students in the class.

Contrary view: Let the school handle discipline for what he does at school. OK so you don't have to do absolutely nothing, but neither do you need to be coming down like a ton of bricks on behaviour he is already being punished for. It's not going to help with any underlying causes.

No for god sake don't strip his bedroom or try every punishment you can possibly think of all at once. How ridiculous. All you end up with is a kid who quite literally has nothing left to lose. Behaviour then worsens because ... nothing to lose

The correct thing to do is to try and get to the bottom of this by working with the school. What's the issue at school? He's lovely at home you say? So what's going on at school? Is he neuro typical?

Of COURSE he cannot get away with this shocking behaviour. It's terrible and needs dealing with swiftly and robustly. But it also needs properly handling and just leaving him with a bed and a book as one poster advised is ludicrous

Not sure it's such a big deal as others have implied parents like you are the problem.

Although the extremes of this behaviour might be out of character, it’s possible that he is often part of the type of low level disruption that maybe isn’t commented on. He might be messing g about in all his classes to a greater or lesser extent.
Re: him asking for his report to be signed and not sitting down when first asked - in his mind, he’s thinking, “all I want is my report signed, what’s the problem?” In the teacher’s mind, order is required and someone is being a jackinabox and talking back to him, which is unacceptable. I would try explaining to your son why although something might seem unfair to him, he needs to consider the position the teacher is in. He has 30:children to see to and needs some order in the room, so he may not be able to exactly what your son wants him to when he wants him to.

cultkid Why shouldn't he be punished at home, if his Mother doesn't punish him at home for this he will think he is on easy street. Are you honestly saying if the school told you that your teen had spoken to a teacher like this that you would tell your child your were disappointed and that would be the end of the matter ?

[quote EmpressCixi]@Lollysticks12
So did he say how/why he thought teacher was in the wrong? Are you sure there are never excuses?

For example, I witnessed a teacher telling off a Muslim student for refusing to eat some pizza as it had pepperoni on it. The child said they’d ordered a cheese pizza as they cannot have pork products. The teacher said they were being ridiculous and should just pick the pepperoni off the pizza and eat it. The child said they couldn’t and asked whether there was something else they could eat. The teacher rolled her eyes and said the child could just go hungry if that was their attitude, took the pizza and binned it. The child then called her a nasty bitch.

Context matters.[/quote]
That’s still not an excuse to call the teacher a nasty bitch though? It would have been quite right to complain about that teacher (who should not, by the sounds of it, be working with children and needs some serious awareness training) but clearly a student is going to get into trouble for insulting their teacher regardless of context.

Do you know if your son tends to be worst with male teachers, OP? I must admit that I was fully expecting the teacher to be a woman.

Contrary view: Let the school handle discipline for what he does at school. OK so you don't have to do absolutely nothing, but neither do you need to be coming down like a ton of bricks on behaviour he is already being punished for. It's not going to help with any underlying causes.

At my school there’s different groups of kids, there are those that make a mistake, as kids do, and their parents back us up and work with us and we see improvement in behaviour. Then there are the kids that make mistakes, parents refuse to be involved because it happened at school (do they stop being their children when in school?) and their behaviour continues to deteriorate.

We then give them detention, isolations, exclusions, managed moves until they are completely disengaged with school when it could have potentially been nipped in the bud when they were much younger by showing a united front… like OP is suggesting.

An email apology should be followed up by a face to face one.

OP You are absolutely right to take a hard line. Calling people you dislike names is a red line. There are many teens who manage to get through their teenage years without resorting to this. The fact that he has already moved classes because of his behaviour speaks volumes. Continue to support the school. I would agree that during the suspension he loses some of his tech and is not allowed out with friends. Being firm doesn't mean stopping talking though. Continue to tell him how much you care for him and that your actions are about helping him get back on track.

First of all, where has a 13-year-old picked up that word?

Secondly, yes there are some unpleasant teachers out there (and goodness knows we've all experienced them growing up) but that never, ever excuses a child from verbally abusing one using language like that. It's our duty as adults to teach children to be respectful to others so I'm afraid I find all of the posts on here suggesting that the boy must have been provoked in some way utterly absurd.

If he doesn't learn now that calling someone a c@&t is unacceptable then he's going to have a horrible shock when he leaves school and enters the real world. Call your boss a c@&t? You'll likely lose your job. Call your girlfriend a c@&t? You'll be growing old and alone. Call a bloke in the pub a c@&t? You'll be lucky to walk away with a broken nose.

I agree with previous posters that taking your son into the school to apologise face to face is needed here. He needs to take responsibility for his actions.

First of all, where has a 13-year-old picked up that word?

From life he's 13 not 3!

@Hellocatshome

First of all, where has a 13-year-old picked up that word?

From life he's 13 not 3!

Exactly, at 13 I'd heard that and far more and that was 37 years ago.

Fuck me. No wonder there’s a retention crisis in teaching.

@Lollysticks12 what is your DS' attitude like with football coaches, referees etc? Does he have a problem with behaving himself on the pitch?

Is it worth looking at another activity which would reward self discipline? Thinking martial arts, cadets etc. An activity where he has to learn to swallow his pride and take criticism.

@amillionmenonmars

And still the comments go on.

Please, everyone who reads this, never, ever allow your child to think that it is ever acceptable to call another person a cunt.

Yes, of course there are bad teachers, poor teachers and people who quite frankly should not be teachers. But they are also human beings with feelings and emotions. Your child may well get away with calling them any name they chose - in fact in the current climate that is highly likely. But if they use that name in work, or in the pub in the future the consequences will be severe.

No one, in any job should have to face being called a cunt and have other people say that it is acceptable.

I agree. I'm appalled at some comments.

If someone is out of their seat when they shouldn't be and answers back when told to sit down then they are disrupting the class in low level ways even before you add in the verbal abuse.