Are we bringing up a nation of snowflakes??

[shellstarbarley]

Are this generation of kids going to be a nation of snowflakes? I am bringing my children up the way my mum brought me up and I would say I am quite a strong person with minimal issues. I work in a primary school and every little graze or bump has to be accounted for children fall over and cry and scream until somebody comes, very few kids seem to just get up and dust themselves off and carry on. My kids rarely have a day off school but their friends seem to be off for any little thing and everyone seems to be dying when they have a cold or a sprained wrist etc. Parents won't let their children walk to school or even catch a bus so they are reliant at parents at all times. When we were 13 all our pocket money was stopped and she we had to find a part time job I did a paperround, babysitting and washed up in a local pub my brother mucked out at a stables and my other brother helped on our cousins farm. I know now it is much harder to get jobs like it was then but teens parents seem to do so much for them that they can't do much for themselves anymore. I loved being busy and still do and loved the responsibility in my part time jobs aand I remember my dad saying to me when I was out of work in my early 20's and claiming benefits that the one thing I cettainly wasn't was lazy but I would always be out doing something constructive whilst looking for work as they had instilled this strong ethic in me. We got buses and walked everywhere and we never lied to our parents we always told them where we were or used a landline at a friends house or phone box if our plans changed. Maybe looking back as my mum worked full time it was a bit of a parenting cop out. I don't know. BUT I am sure this made us strong adults. I don't give up everytime I get a cold or period pain dose up and carry on like wise I don't miss work. I also remember phoning and booking my own hair and dental and dr appts and even going to doc appts on my own at 15. I am trying really hard to bring my kids up this way but is so hard because their friends get lifts everywhere , their parents give them an endless supply of money and shower them with sympathy every time they have a sniffle or a grazed knee. I want my kids to be able to survive in the adult world because actually it is quite a harsh place and you have to be strong and determined to fight against the problems you may come up against and I think my parents did me a massive favour as I feel able to cope with adult life and conquer the problems because I learnt to build up strategies when I was growing up and not be 100% reliant on my parents for everything.

"I'm doing it right and you are all wrong" ... what sort of responses are you looking for?

My kids are fine too. They've come through covid, a level fiasco, gone to uni after a year out sitting actual exams and working. Like a lot of their friends.

They have had all the advantages we have been able to provide, still do, and yet they are able to cope with life just fine.

Bringing up your children the way you were brought up is very short sighted. A lot has changed since you were a child.

I agree OP. I work in primary school too and most children will fall or hurt themselves and sit or stay where they are and scream until an adult tends to them. Parents complain if they weren’t told that their child scraped their knee. It’s ridiculous really. There is very little resilience. I console myself with the thought that it won’t be me dealing with the fall-out when they are teenagers.They are generally very needy in every way and it’s worse than 15 years ago when I first started working with children.

I give my dd lifts whenever I can, because I like to be able to help. But she is perfectly happy to walk or get the bus when needed and does just that.

I give her a fairly generous monthly allowance but she has two part time jobs that she juggles with her A-levels and she is saving up her earnings for the future.

I have always tried to comfort her when she is sick or hurt, but she is strong, resilient and usually determined to keep going through anything so she hasn't had a day off school or work in at least five years.

Tbh, I bend over backwards to help and support my dd in whatever way I can, and I don't think it's necessary to be unhelpful in order to encourage them to develop self reliance. DD knows that I will always have her back but she is confident and resilient enough to manage without my help if needed.

If you want to do things in the same way that your parents did, then that's entirely your shout and I hope it works out for you, but there is no need to judge everyone else for not following your lead. I choose a different approach personally, and it's working out just fine for us...no snowflakes in sight!

Wish people would stop using the word “snowflake” to mean whatever they don’t like.

It comes from the movie “Fight Club” and was adopted by 4chan and spread from there. It just means someone who thinks they are special and unique. It doesn’t have anything to do with personal strength or whatever you are complaining about here.

I don’t really want a young child of mine working for money, thanks. Plenty of time for that. Working is my job: their job is education.

I grew up in the 70s and 80s and my own parenting rule has been to do the exact opposite to my parents.
So my kids have been listened to, supported, helped, endorsed.
They are fantastic young adults with healthy self esteem and good qualifications, good manners and a good work ethic.

You do you but let others do it their way.

No. I've been called a snowflake my whole adult life (late millenial), but actually what people mean when they say that is that we're willing to call out bigotry and sexism and people being arseholes. Of course misogyny and racism and abuse makes me angry and upset - as it should you.

It's more pathetic to sit back and take it or allow offence to be blatantly shared. Snowflakes.

I do believe in free speech and discussion, but not bigotry and offensiveness for the sake of abuse.

Also it's illegal to work at 13 now and people are entitled to time off work and school when they're sick or injured. It's called human rights.

And the phone thing doesn't really matter. Everything is moving to online booking systems anyway. Soon there won't need to be phones.

Proper ‘Four Yorkshiremen’ BS from the OP.

@LongAndDarkDecember

I don’t really want a young child of mine working for money, thanks. Plenty of time for that. Working is my job: their job is education.

Thinking that the two are mutually exclusive is just daft, when I was young I and all my friends had part time jobs, now my DC and all their friends do

My peers are all successful in life, my children's peers are all doing well at school and have bright futures

Bringing your children up to think you can't do both might be sending them down the snowflake path

I think you are mixing a few things up.

Some children have always kicked up a fuss when they fall over perhaps it's more prevalent now. Accidents are recorded in schools because of Ofsted & H&S regulations.

Yes a lot of children don't go to school alone as they did when I was young but that's also a society shift. Children in general aren't "out" alone so much & things that were acceptable when my parents were kids just aren't today.

Likewise with jobs there are more rules & regulations now which make it harder

it's illegal to work at 13 now

Better not tell the papershop that employs 13yo DS to do paperrounds, then.

His 13yo mate works in mate's parents' restaurant, don't tell them either.

imho, "we" (=most modern parents in rich countries) don't encourage kids to take enough risks and don't view risk taking as a positive learning opportunity. I dunno if that opinion fits in with any possibly valid aspects of goady OP's snowflake narrative, though.

I actually don't think it's helpful that parents are expected to be so involved in their dc's life's but that is now what is expected.

People are chastised on here for not saving up for their dcs uni or house deposit but life is so expensive that the kids often need that support.

I also don't think you can make a blanket statement that older people are more resilient, look around at adults & how they abuse alcohol or drugs or numbers on medication or crime statistics. I wouldn't say our adult population is particularly resilient.

Why does today's 13 yr old need a job? they won't be retiring until their 70s as they won't be able to afford too!

Both my DC got jobs as teens. DD1 had a paper round at 14 . DD2 was 17 when she got a job at a pub but had been applying since 15 , hampered by lockdown. It’s important to learn the value of money, we think and perfect possible to work and study. DD1 is at uni and DD 2 in 6th form, both doing well. They got so much life experience from working with different people of different ages and their confidence soared.

Our local garages were full of older people filling up jerry cans at the first sniff of a petrol shortage. Last year they were panic buying toilet roll.
I wouldn’t say they’re particularly resilient.

Are we bringing up a nation of snowflakes??
Yes imo
Perhaps because some, like a few of your critics here want to be in charge all the time and some are being guilted into it by other fuss-pots.

Some of it are the expectations that are placed by the organisations like schools. My DD wasn't allowed to leave by school unless an adult was there, at the door, to collect her. Even in her last year of junior school, when she would be fully expected 6 weeks later to leave the house and get on a school bus and be dropped off by the same bus in the village and walk home independently from there.
I've promoted independence, partly because I had to but partly because I had to learn to be independent without a safety net to catch me if I screwed up.
I've tried to promote the independence but provide the safety net for the inevitable mistakes that will happen as children and adolescents learn to become adults. I felt some of this was undermined by other people, such as the school when it came to things like asking me to 'pop' some forgotten homework in or PE kit - if I wasn't actually doing anything at the time, then I would, because I like to help my DD. Other times I said no, because it meant me taking the concequences of her mistake, and I felt it important that she face those concequences and deal with them to learn that you're responsible for yourself. The school took a dim view of this at times, insisting that I should walk out of work (which by law I couldn't do anyway without cover) and make an hour's round trip to prevent my DD being sanctioned in some way for forgetting her homework or PE kit.
I would remind her the night before or that morning to ensure she had everything she needed for the school day, more than once, but ultimately she needed to learn that she's responsible for herself.
As for illness or injury, I wasn't particularly bothered if she scraped her knees, or grazed her hands, I taught her to self evaluate and treat when she hurt herself and seek help if she needed it, so she was quite capable by 6 or so of washing off a graze and applying a plaster herself. If she felt unwell, I'd take her temp, look at her general demeanor and make a decision from there, she does the same now. If she doesn't feel well enough to go to college, I trust that she isn't well enough. I provided comfort, yes it does hurt and that sucks, a little cuddle and some kind words, but then off you go again because it's not serious and it won't stop you doing anything. I don't subscribe to the 'well I had to and it didn't harm me therefore you do too' school of thought, but rather offer empathy and understanding and an explanation. Falling over hurts, but you can evaluate the situation yourself and deal with it yourself unless it's more serious in which case you need some help, which is provided without question. The knack was teaching the difference between the two.

I think as she's grown, this approach has served her well, and as a new adult, I encourage her to be independent and try things herself first and I will provide support and help when needed. She learned the importance of being organised and prepared, has got herself a job (delayed by covid admittedly) independently and manages it all herself, has managed organising college herself and catching up, organising extra tuition etc where it's been needed - with my guidance and at times intervention, but mainly by herself.
She's doing her university applications independently, I have researched it myself, know what's required and am on hand to discuss and guide where needed, but I'm keen she does it herself rather than letting me organise her life for her.
She's got to find her own way in life and I'm her back up.

Lol most schoolkids have coped with way more disruption and worry over the past 18 months than you ever did. I don't think you need to be concerned about their level of resilience compared to yours.

I thought this was a Daily Fail reporter at first but how fucking depressing to see this poster works in a school. What utter contempt she has for the kids in her care.

It just seems to be that kids aren't as resilient anymore because their parents are still doing everything for them at 15/16. I was always under the impression that when they are teenagers your job as a parent is to get them ready for the next step into the adult world and the adult can be pretty rubbish so giving them and teaching them the tools to deal with this is IMO important. ie getting a small part time job - paper rounds and babysitting for friends and relatives is legal - it gives them a sense of responsibility and independence so when they come to getting a job at 18 they know what to expect. I am not saying every young adult is the same but I know of several young adults who can't hold down jobs because they have never had any responsibility and find criticism hard because it is something they have never had to encounter.

Shame your parents didn’t also teach you about paragraphs