Are we bringing up a nation of snowflakes??

[shellstarbarley]

Are this generation of kids going to be a nation of snowflakes? I am bringing my children up the way my mum brought me up and I would say I am quite a strong person with minimal issues. I work in a primary school and every little graze or bump has to be accounted for children fall over and cry and scream until somebody comes, very few kids seem to just get up and dust themselves off and carry on. My kids rarely have a day off school but their friends seem to be off for any little thing and everyone seems to be dying when they have a cold or a sprained wrist etc. Parents won't let their children walk to school or even catch a bus so they are reliant at parents at all times. When we were 13 all our pocket money was stopped and she we had to find a part time job I did a paperround, babysitting and washed up in a local pub my brother mucked out at a stables and my other brother helped on our cousins farm. I know now it is much harder to get jobs like it was then but teens parents seem to do so much for them that they can't do much for themselves anymore. I loved being busy and still do and loved the responsibility in my part time jobs aand I remember my dad saying to me when I was out of work in my early 20's and claiming benefits that the one thing I cettainly wasn't was lazy but I would always be out doing something constructive whilst looking for work as they had instilled this strong ethic in me. We got buses and walked everywhere and we never lied to our parents we always told them where we were or used a landline at a friends house or phone box if our plans changed. Maybe looking back as my mum worked full time it was a bit of a parenting cop out. I don't know. BUT I am sure this made us strong adults. I don't give up everytime I get a cold or period pain dose up and carry on like wise I don't miss work. I also remember phoning and booking my own hair and dental and dr appts and even going to doc appts on my own at 15. I am trying really hard to bring my kids up this way but is so hard because their friends get lifts everywhere , their parents give them an endless supply of money and shower them with sympathy every time they have a sniffle or a grazed knee. I want my kids to be able to survive in the adult world because actually it is quite a harsh place and you have to be strong and determined to fight against the problems you may come up against and I think my parents did me a massive favour as I feel able to cope with adult life and conquer the problems because I learnt to build up strategies when I was growing up and not be 100% reliant on my parents for everything.

@Benjispruce4

I agree OP. I work in primary school too and most children will fall or hurt themselves and sit or stay where they are and scream until an adult tends to them. Parents complain if they weren’t told that their child scraped their knee. It’s ridiculous really. There is very little resilience. I console myself with the thought that it won’t be me dealing with the fall-out when they are teenagers.They are generally very needy in every way and it’s worse than 15 years ago when I first started working with children.

One of my DC had a life altering fall in school and ten years later the consequences are devastating. When they fell, no one noticed and when they tried to explain, no one listened. So that'd be staff like you then @Benjispruce4?

OK, boomer.

No doubt you’d consider 18 year old may a bit of a snowflake.

After spending over 16 months at home with no face to face contact with anyone of his own age - any age in fact, just us, his parents in their 50s and 60s (he celebrated his 18th at home with us and a take away meal because dad wasn’t double jabbed yet) and very poor online provision to get him through his A levels, whilst worrying for his CEV dad.
Now living away from home at university, he’s probably very green compared to his older sister and his parents at the same age. I have nothing but respect for him and his determination to be independent now, after a god-awful time. He is nervous out in the world but despite studying just an hour away from home, where we would be delighted to see him remain, he is determined to cut the apron strings despite that nervousness and go it alone.

I hope your kids don’t have to go through the same because it may just affect them in the same way and put their social development and emotional maturity back just a tad (yes, that’s a polite way of saying sod off with your sweeping statements).

Err no not at all. I am a first aider, I help children every day of the week. I’m talking about the light graze or slip.

@Benjispruce4

Both my DC got jobs as teens. DD1 had a paper round at 14 . DD2 was 17 when she got a job at a pub but had been applying since 15 , hampered by lockdown. It’s important to learn the value of money, we think and perfect possible to work and study. DD1 is at uni and DD 2 in 6th form, both doing well. They got so much life experience from working with different people of different ages and their confidence soared.

I so agree with this . Learning the value of responsibility and money is only a good thing and surely stands them in good stead for the future.

LIGHT GRAZING SNOWFLAKES

TheSmallAssassin

“OK, boomer.”

To be fair, SmallAssassin, that’s just as unfair.

We’re boomers and think today’s young people are on the whole pretty remarkable.

@BillMasheen

Shame your parents didn’t also teach you about paragraphs

Lol.

Yes. There are many many snowflakes who will not go through life unscathed. I used to clap and smile and cheer if my toddlers got a little bump or scrape, ( no I didn’t also do this if they were seriously hurt ). You can’t do / say/go anywhere now without being cancelled/ghosted/filmed and shamed /accused of being racist/sexist/homophobic/appropriation/dole bludger/not really disabled/too fat you’re draining the nhs /drink, you’re draining the nhs/smoke your draining the nhs/you’re a Karen/ you’re a Ken/you can’t park outside my house/ don’t buy that you don’t need it I need it more /me first/my kid before yours. The worlds a fucking disaster.

I used to think my upbringing didn’t do me any harm. Then I realised it was messed up in so many ways that I couldn’t even see it.
Whether or not that’s true for you, the world today’s children live in isn’t the one their parents grew up in in a thousand different ways and it’s potentially damaging to insist nothing has changed.

There are always people who bleat about the generation behind them being worse than their one. It's a bundle of sweeping stereotypes, misconception and looking back with rose tinted glasses.

I remember older people saying it about teenagers when I was a teenager 25 years ago.

It just seems to be that kids aren't as resilient anymore because their parents are still doing everything for them at 15/16.

I'm not sure that's how resilience works? And as a pp said how resilient are those panic buying fuel?

I'd hazard a guess that you think autism is overdiagnosed, adhd is just naughty kids being lazy and kids with mental health issues need to just snap out of it because they're just attention seeking.

I'm in my early 50s and incredibly resilient and resourceful. I also have woeful mental health, and struggle daily as a result. Resilience is a coping strategy not a character trait. And when forced upon people, it comes at a cost. People develop natural resilience over time. It's called growing up.

@CorianderAndCream

Also it's illegal to work at 13 now and people are entitled to time off work and school when they're sick or injured. It's called human rights.

And the phone thing doesn't really matter. Everything is moving to online booking systems anyway. Soon there won't need to be phones.

Not illegal. Same conditions as when I started work at 13

https://www.gov.uk/child-employment/restrictions-on-child-employment

@DaisyDozyDee

I used to think my upbringing didn’t do me any harm. Then I realised it was messed up in so many ways that I couldn’t even see it. Whether or not that’s true for you, the world today’s children live in isn’t the one their parents grew up in in a thousand different ways and it’s potentially damaging to insist nothing has changed.

Why would a changing world mean that teaching the old fashioned values of resilience, hard work, independence, can do attitude etc would no longer be the right thing to do?

Of course my children live in a different world in terms of technology and the impact that has on the world of work but otherwise their life isn't very different to mine growing up which was some time ago.

I was brought up like that.
I made sure to do the complete opposite for my own DC who have managed to grow up into caring, fully functioning independent adults.

I had a job at 13.
I did all my own washing at 11, most of the housework at 13.
My parents never knew where I was because I was given "freedom" and "independence".
I never got lifts so had quite afew experiences of dealing with flashers/ unwanted male attention. Character building that was.

we employ young people from the age of 16 upwards. i'm a retail manager and used to agree with you op

until i had to manage these youngsters from the 'snowflake' generation (i think snowflake is a term we aren't supposed to use anymore,)

nearly every youngster is struggling, and now i'm seeing it with my own. covid hasn't helped. anxiety is rife and we need to be accepting as this is not going to go away

My upbringing was like yours OP, took myself to dental appts from aged 9 , sorted my own haircuts from around age of 15, never allowed to be ill and off school. Pocket money was minimal and stopped when I got a Saturday job aged 16 (I already earned some babysitting money before that).

Nowadays you have to be accompanied by a parent or guardian to dental and medical appts.
I have definitely pampered by dcs more , probably in reaction to my mum's approach which in some ways was rather neglectful.
Although my upbringing gave me certain survival skills I would still say there's a lot to be said for having supportive parents who DCs can turn to, even as adults.

Yes I think we are and they will all be weak because of it!

When I last checked my children were not snowflakes.
Some parents are more over protective than me. Others are less so. Who's right?
Most parents are doing the best they can in the way they find appropriate for their children and their circumstances.

And I hate the word resilience. Almost as much as snowflake.

Can we not write off a whole generation by calling them snowflakes (or boomers or anything else). Or decide there is only one way to parent well.

I would say I am quite a strong person with minimal issues.

That you feel the need insult an entire generation of people and seem to think your limited perspective fits all of them suggests otherwise.

W never lied to our parents we always told them where we were or used a landline at a friends house or phone box if our plans changed.

Not all teens of your generation would have done this. I certainly didn't.

BUT I am sure this made us strong adults.

Correlation is not causation.

I am trying really hard to bring my kids up this way but is so hard because their friends get lifts everywhere , their parents give them an endless supply of money

I don't give my kids lifts - I can't, since I don't drive. I do facilitate their doing it themselves by providing a monthly bus pass and a whole £5-8 pounds (depending on which teen) a week as a standing order plus household money when they buy things for all of us to their debit card in large part because I didn't get that financial help as a teenager and ended up going without meals and needed medication because of it. That sunshine and roses of 'free range childhood' had a lot of thorns people forget about while ignoring that it's those who were raised like that who are raising the teenagers now.

We can prepare for them adulthood while also being realistic that they're teens and no, not all of them have access to others where they can babysit or a place that is willing to take them on and do the paperwork even when it's legal -- and why the focus on paid work anyways? There are other options that help teenagers build the same things. My DS1 at 15 had over 100 hours of community volunteering under his belt. He didn't need paid employment to be willing to get stuck in and be helpful.

I was thinking this when I read on MN someone who wanted help writing a stern email to a colleague who had been a little bit rude to her. Instead of just daring to actually open your mouth and TALK to someone you go home and feel offended. The simplest things seem to be a high mountain to climb.

This is in Teenagers, so I'm not going to talk about young children grazing their knees here.

Here are some of the things my teens have had to deal with (either personally or witnessed amongst their close friends)

• mental health problems
• suicide attempts
• developing long term health conditions
• ever increasing pressure to do well academically
• extended family going through serious illness and dying
• living through a pandemic
• adjusting to remote learning and a whole new way of life
• (if female) sexual attention from men
• (if male) concerns about gangs and knife crime
• involvement in county lines/drugs/credit card scams etc

When I was a teen I basically just went to school and hang out with my friends. I think the world is harder now.

I absolutely loathe the term "snowflake". And blanket terms to describe a whole group of people are inaccurate.

Like any other generation, there will be some DC who grow up resilient and independent, and others who need a bit more time.

I agree though that children are capable of doing a lot more than we think and DC and teens need to be given responsibility in order to mature and there is little opportunity to do that in this day and age the way our society is framed. In other societies children are responsible for younger DC and animals at quite a young age.

I know five, six and seven year olds who, having been taught properly, can lead a pony out of its stable, brush it down, pick out its feet, feed and water it, groom it, hose down its legs, tack it up and ride by themselves quite happily and to a high standard (with supervision at a distance) but not all children get the opportunity to do that or something equivalent.

There doesn't appear to be a lot of down time nowadays where children can just "be" as a lot of extra-curricular and social interaction stuff is highly scheduled, whereas my siblings and I drifted about during the summer in a very relaxed way and were able to have fun and be on our own to a large extent.

Also, there is a lot more pressure on our teens than there was in my generation. My teens have had much more rigorous schooling than me, they have been constantly tested and assessed, there is pressure for them to stay in education in order to get a good job, a lot of pressure around exam results, a lot of pressure around appearance and being "perfect" (I have teen girls) that comes from social media, about how to live, eat, exercise, organise yourself, which we were able to avoid - mostly anyway - and a lot of pressure stemming from the fact that if you make a mistake, fall over, cry, do something silly, someone is there taking a photo or filming, or posting about it on-line, so the challenges are different but that doesn't mean they are not there.