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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Dd won’t tell us her GCSE results- anyone else experienced this?

343 replies

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/09/2021 12:47

And if so how did you approach it?

All I know is that they were good enough for her to do the A Level subjects she wanted, which is nice.

Is it just us? Has this ever happened to anyone else?

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 09/09/2021 18:10

I’d be tempted to never ask them about and treat it as a cool story
Oh, ffs...

GreyhoundG1rl · 09/09/2021 18:11

@HerrenaHarridan

Mumsnet always gives me such an insight as to why there are so many broken and angry adults with control issues

I would care much more about why she doesn’t want to tell me than how I could force her too.

Kids don’t ‘have too many rights’ these days because you’re not allowed to beat the spirit out of them anymore… sheesh

You think this is a sign of op's dd's spirit? Ok...
Original poster
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/09/2021 18:12

I know she’s doing the A levels she wants because there’s a ‘congratulations on achieving the grades you need for the sixth form’ letter and online forms I have had to sign which confirmed the A levels she is doing.
She’s not doing resits!

OP posts:
Bebabelouba · 09/09/2021 18:15

It's why she doesn't want to tell you that intrigues me.
Has she given reasons?

BananaPB · 09/09/2021 18:18

She owes you an explanation why imo. I would start with that and see if she has a legitimate concern like she doesn't want her grandparents knowing because you blabbed about X or one of her grades was disappointing and she's embarrassed.

BananaPB · 09/09/2021 18:20

If it's a case of she doesn't want to talk about it then tell her that you'll be happy with that.

I think that refusing to day will be more unusual than lying what she got tbh

ItsNotMeAnymore · 09/09/2021 18:25

@GreyhoundG1rl

I’d be tempted to never ask them about and treat it as a cool story Oh, ffs...
Ffs yourself 👀

So what’s your suggestion clever cloggs? The OPs daughter doesn’t want to tell her the results so how should you deal with it? Would your force her, guilt trip her or respect her wishes?

Franklyfrost · 09/09/2021 18:27

Did you not house, feed and financially support her throughout her studies? In return could she not open her mouth and tell you her results? I’d be looking at what’s going on there in terms her her dependence/ independence.

I’d mention that it hurt you without implying that she did wrong but that you’re sad and that you’d love it if she could text you her results when leaving collage in a couple of years time. And never mention it again.

GreyhoundG1rl · 09/09/2021 18:28

Clever cloggs 😂. I wouldn't treat it as a cool story, that's for certain.

Pallisers · 09/09/2021 18:31

I'd be really upset about this. If it were one of mine, I'd sit down with them and ask if they can explain why and have a conversation about it. Unless there is some tremendous back-story, your daughter is treating you like you are there for her convenience but she doesn't have an actual relationship with you and owes you none of the normal courtesies that being in a family involves.

Lollipop40 · 09/09/2021 18:39

Wow things have changed a lot in 30 years since I did mine, pretty sure they were printed in the paper or somewhere public for all to see!

How was she on the build up to results day @TheCountessofFitzdotterelm? Was she secretive then or just afterwards? We had a mixture of excitement and nerves here and to be honest I can’t think of any scenario where dd wouldn’t have told us, even if worse than expected.

It does sound like a control issue, but she needs to understand that while still in full time education, parents are expected to provide support, both financial and obviously emotional. This is impossible for you to do in this case.

Is she still at school or another college? When dd enrolled at college we had to accompany her and the physically checked the grades and we had to sign. I would contact them in the first instance for advice. They will be the first to call you in if there is a problem with a level work or behaviour or attendance and they may be able to provide some help.

LolaRoses · 09/09/2021 18:41

It's rude and downright weird of her not to tell you! Does she normally behave in a weird way?

ItsNotMeAnymore · 09/09/2021 18:43

@GreyhoundG1rl

Clever cloggs 😂. I wouldn't treat it as a cool story, that's for certain.
So would you be angry or embarrassed about it instead? 💁🏻‍♀️

It’s an odd thing for the daughter to do but she must have her reasons. She doesn’t want to tell her parents her results so surely you have to respect her decision. You might as well put a positive spin on it. I’d be gutted if I was the OP as I’d be really curious but you’ve got to respect the daughter for having the guts to do what she wants.

Clearly a lot of posters think that children ‘owe’ them something in return for them doing the normal things that parents are meant to do.
I disagree. I never wanted my kids to feel obliged to achieve academically on my account. I wanted them to do what they thought was best for themselves.

Pixxie7 · 09/09/2021 18:48

I think she is being ridiculous if she wants you to continue to fund her for the next 2 years you want to know that she is going to stand a chance at getting them.

zenthoughtsonlythanks · 09/09/2021 18:49

If it were my teen she would be so happy to be called weird and downright rude!! :)

My parents memorably didn't even ask me, and had 'forgotten' I was getting my results, so you have already aced that already by remembering.

BananaPB · 09/09/2021 18:49

Does she expect you to pay for a UCAS application fee next year but not tell you what offers she gets or her A-level grades?

How would she react if you kept something big secret ?

IDidntFloatUpTheLaganInABubble · 09/09/2021 18:50

I cannot imagine being in this situation with either of my DDs.

I think my overriding feeling would be sadness (I'd also be bloody furious) , she has seemingly done well but doesn't want to share that happiness with you.

Just talking to DD1 about it and she said her GCSE results letter was addressed to me and DH so we would have been able to call the school and get the results or another copy of the letter.

Themorethemerrier · 09/09/2021 18:51

I’d be really hurt by this for quite a few reasons and I’d tell her so.

It’s horrible behavior.

Hawkins001 · 09/09/2021 18:51

Tis an unusual situation op, all the best

rainbowstardrops · 09/09/2021 18:53

Has she given reasons for not telling you?

I mean, she's obviously done enough because otherwise she wouldn't have got her A-level choices but I'm guessing not as well as she'd hoped?

My DD was the opposite! She didn't want to know and wanted us to open them 😂

We didn't. It was her responsibility/place to open them.

Bluntness100 · 09/09/2021 18:54

Do you understand why she won’t tell you? Have you asked her?

The only time I’ve seen this happen is a bad relationship or parents who are so pushy that the child has to force them out of it like this or someone who did terribly and is ashamed Ie she got the grades in the ones she needed for a levels and tanked the rest.

I’d not focus on the results snd focus on why she feels it’s better not to tell you.

Sacredspace · 09/09/2021 19:05

My son is the same. He is on the autism spectrum, so that might have something to do with it. We gave them life itself and they won’t even tell us their grades!

ImInStealthMode · 09/09/2021 19:05

I see someone's already asked if you're a social media sharer, that sprang to mind for me. The reason I (at 37) don't tell my Mum anything she doesn't need to know is her chronic over-sharing of the minutiae of everyone's lives, with everyone else (colleagues, pub acquaintances, strangers etc). I don't want all & sundry knowing my personal business, so Mum doesn't get told.

I can understand how frustrating it is but perhaps she's just exploring her own boundaries about privacy and enjoying having things that are solely hers to know for what is presumably at her young age maybe the first time? She might well do a u-turn and tell you at some point but in the meantime I'd respect her decision to keep them to herself.

Threewheeler1 · 09/09/2021 19:10

Ooh, I remember when exam results were published in the local paper.
Our were 32 years ago, full name, school, everything.
I can still recall feeling a bit mortified!
Don't worry OP, my oldest DS (year 11) might well prove to be the same. I struggle to get much out of him at the moment.

00100001 · 09/09/2021 19:10

@DomPom47

Phone and ask them school.
School won't/shouldn't release the results to the parents.

They belong to the candidate.

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