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Teenagers

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Original poster

Dd won’t tell us her GCSE results- anyone else experienced this?

343 replies

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/09/2021 12:47

And if so how did you approach it?

All I know is that they were good enough for her to do the A Level subjects she wanted, which is nice.

Is it just us? Has this ever happened to anyone else?

OP posts:
Riapia · 09/09/2021 19:12

She’s loving every minute of this.

MrsOvertonsWindow · 09/09/2021 19:13

Wrong 00100001 The guidance about parental responsibility has been posted several times. If she stops attending, misbehaves etc you can guarantee the school will be in contact with the OP. She has parental responsibility and the school can't remove this.

Elieza · 09/09/2021 19:18

So to those saying it’s her business and not her mums, let’s just take this a step further.

When her first job pays for her to go on a course and subsequently asks her what qualification she got and she said it’s none of your business. What do you think would happen then? Do you think they’d say ok that’s fine.

No they would say we’ve supported you and paid for this and we are entitled to know.

Just like her mum has and is.

This kids rights thing is ridiculous. It’s not about ‘beating the spirit out of her’ Nobody wants to beat anyone. It’s just nice to share and be together in a family. Nobody’s wanting to remove her spirit. Just remind her there are times to fight and times to comply. She needs to use her judgement better.

What use is it telling her that you don’t need to tell people things if you don’t want to. Because it’s not always the case.

There is either a backstory here which justifies the child’s behaviour or the child is on a power trip of some sort over her mum. That’s just so unusual and hurtful.

DevonBelles · 09/09/2021 19:32

@Threewheeler1

Ooh, I remember when exam results were published in the local paper. Our were 32 years ago, full name, school, everything. I can still recall feeling a bit mortified! Don't worry OP, my oldest DS (year 11) might well prove to be the same. I struggle to get much out of him at the moment.
Really? Been in education all my life and was teaching 32 years ago- never ever seen schools do this.

Where?

BertramLacey · 09/09/2021 19:34

When her first job pays for her to go on a course and subsequently asks her what qualification she got and she said it’s none of your business. What do you think would happen then? Do you think they’d say ok that’s fine.

No they would say we’ve supported you and paid for this and we are entitled to know.

Just like her mum has and is.

That's a very poor analogy. The relationship between parents and children should be very different from the relationship between employers and employees. Do you interview a bunch of children and decide which one is most suited to you? Do you sack them and show them the door if you don't like them? Do they move onto another employer if they don't like the conditions with you? No? Then why would you expect them to respond in the same way in this situation? My parents supported me through an education because it's very basic parenting. If an employer does that it's for very different reasons and with very different conditions attached.

Elieza · 09/09/2021 19:41

The point I’m making is sometimes you have to tell people things you’d prefer not to.

It’s life. So this secretiveness from her mother isn’t warranted.

Lollipop40 · 09/09/2021 19:42

@DevonBelles I did mine in 1990. Uk. I can remember looking at what everyone else got. Pretty sure they were all listed but it’s a long time ago!

SleepingStandingUp · 09/09/2021 20:08

@Elieza

The point I’m making is sometimes you have to tell people things you’d prefer not to.

It’s life. So this secretiveness from her mother isn’t warranted.

But why does she HAVE to tell her Mom something which doesn't impact on her Mom's life other than to make her feel proud or sad etc and has no bearing on anything going forward given she's moved onto A Levels? I mean I get the kid is being weird, but I wouldn't feed it. How many parents can recite all their kids grades after a few years?
GreyhoundG1rl · 09/09/2021 20:10

How many parents can recite all their kids grades after a few years?
This is just so not the point.

NowWeAreSuckingDieselFella · 09/09/2021 20:22

@DevonBelles I remember them being printed as well, I did mine 1993

Skyla2005 · 09/09/2021 20:27

Call the school they will tell you

cormorantes · 09/09/2021 20:53

I would be really interested to know how many times and in what ways you have asked her? And how does she respond?

3luckystars · 09/09/2021 21:29

Well if she is old enough to be making adult decisions and earn tons of money, then she is old enough to hear: ‘you are being a bit of an asshole about this’ I think anyway.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/09/2021 21:29

@GreyhoundG1rl

How many parents can recite all their kids grades after a few years? This is just so not the point.
So tell me why it's so important that Mom be told the exact numbers? For what purpose? It isn't to commit to a special memory. Kids got into A Levels so she should already be proud. If some of the numbers are low and she'd be disappointed is there any reason daughter needs to be told that?

The "I paid to raise you" thing doesn't work. If she buys her a box of condoms does she have a right to know how good the sex was?

TheBraveLittleTailor · 09/09/2021 22:45

People saying that finding out why the daughter won’t say is more important than actually knowing the results are right.
However, there are practical reasons for knowing the results and it’s probably not a bad idea to let the daughter know her parents aren’t saints, do have feelings, and will exercise their rights if they have to.
Please come back and tell us how she did when you know, OP

SleepingStandingUp · 09/09/2021 23:14

What are the practical reasons for needing to know?

GreyhoundG1rl · 09/09/2021 23:15

@SleepingStandingUp

What are the practical reasons for needing to know?
You're being extremely odd.
TheBraveLittleTailor · 10/09/2021 07:22

@SleepingStandingUp
The OP says
“One thing these comments are doing for me is helping to crystallise why I want to know and posters are right, it is about supporting her. It didn’t matter for the last month because she was on holiday/doing her summer job, but she went back to school yesterday which may be why I am posting this now.”
They need to be fully informed to help her make good decisions.
NB Just to clarify, when I talked about the parents exercising their rights I meant their right to find out not to withdraw all support.

SuperbLyrebird · 10/09/2021 07:41

@zenthoughtsonlythanks

I think most parents like to be around for results superb and would like to be there for their dc, what if its bad news and they can't go out with friends?! There is nothing superior about being there for your kids!!! Confused
But you are saying you can only be there for your kids if you are sitting in the car outside the school. There are telephones, you know.

One of DD's friends missed a mark she needed for her A level course. Rang her mum who got onto the sixth form college to sort it whilst her DD went out for milk shake and cakes with her friends.

My DD and her friends are resilient and pragmatic though so aren't the types to dissolve into a sobbing heap all over mum Smile

a8mint · 10/09/2021 07:42

I can't believe the school won't tell you your minor child's results! It can't be a rule because other maintained schools do notify parents routinely

toomuchlaundry · 10/09/2021 07:46

My O-level results were published in the local newspaper in the 80s.

I found out my professional exam results in national newspaper in the 90s!

Threewheeler1 · 10/09/2021 07:47

@DevonBelles
Bucks, 1989. Everybody used to dread it.
Paper was the Bucks Ad, which covered the whole county. There were pages and pages of them.
Also the schools would pin all results to boards in the foyer. That's how we found out our results. No hiding back then!
It was fairly common back then for some authorities to publish results as the exams were public. Think they stopped the practice in law under data protection rules in 2017.

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 10/09/2021 08:04

@SleepingStandingUp

What are the practical reasons for needing to know?
Do you truly believe that only information with direct practical value should be shared between family members or is this MN contrarianism?
SeasonFinale · 10/09/2021 08:07

[quote RedMarauder]@SeasonFinale no they can't.

Under GDPR the age that children can give their consent to having personal data shared with other people including parents is 16.

www.somerset.org.uk/sites/edtech/Data%20Protection/COVID-19%20Guidance/Teacher%20Assessed%20Examinations%20-%20sharing%20results.pdf[/quote]
You are incorrect as another poster later indicated b posting the DfE section which allows the educational records of a child under 18 to be shared with their parents.

a8mint · 10/09/2021 08:22

Gcse results were published in the Yorkshire post until gdpr cane in a few years ago with each student's name no of passes at a-c and number of as. A level results had the list of individual subjects and which were at A