Page 7 | Dd won’t tell us her GCSE results- anyone else experienced this?

StormyTeacups · 09/09/2021 17:29

I like cheese and pickles

3luckystars · 09/09/2021 17:29

Has she done anything like this before?

Elieza · 09/09/2021 17:30

Do they still send certificates through the post? You could apply for one from the exam body pretending to be her and just make sure you open her mail everyday before she gets to it! (Or would they email her for confirmation and that’s your cover blown?)

And for those horrified pearl clutchers how very dare I even think such a thing, kids have way too many rights these days considering their brains are not fully developed and they’re barely in control of their emotions at the best of times. It’s a piece of nonsense that a child thinks her supportive mum can’t get to see her exams results.

I’d be withholding whatever it is she likes, biscuits, favourite meal, broadband, whatever until she deemed it was time to share her results with me, at which point I’d share the WiFi password etc.

Perhaps that’s bad parenting. Who knows. But to cut me out of her life is a total slap in the face. If it was me.

SaltySheepdog · 09/09/2021 17:30

You can ask the school and yes because she’s not an adult and you hold parental responsibility they should tell you.

LarryUnderwood · 09/09/2021 17:30

Madness, she's a child for whom you are responsible, and part of a family which entails social obligations including sharing important information. Wow, I'd be furious if I were you, you are doing very well to stay so calm and reasonable.

Flowers500 · 09/09/2021 17:30

@trappedsincesundaymorn

All I know is that they were good enough for her to do the A Level subjects she wanted, which is nice

That sentence right there sums up (to me anyway), why your DD is reluctant to tell you. She passed and instead of it being "great" or "wonderful" it's just "nice". Congratulate her, tell her you're proud of her and leave it at that.

I mean if she’s a reasonably smart kid that’s not an achievement…

MrsOvertonsWindow · 09/09/2021 17:35

Poor you OP. It must feel like a slap in the face.
Thank you to those publishing the actual guidance about parental rights. Very important given the number of posters upthread (allegedly working in schools) giving incorrect advice about parental rights / responsibilities.
Always worth remembering that schools do not have the legal power to remove parental rights - for any reason. Like other professionals (social services / the police etc) they have to go to court and the court decides if parental rights are to be removed.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/09/2021 17:36

@LarryUnderwood

Madness, she's a child for whom you are responsible, and part of a family which entails social obligations including sharing important information. Wow, I'd be furious if I were you, you are doing very well to stay so calm and reasonable.

Why are her results so important tho?

GCSEs are a gateway qualification. It generally doesn't matter what you got unless it's English/Maths as they're base requirements, or if you need a certain grade to do further study.

So if she's got enough to progress surely THAT is the vital information, now what number she got for French when she wants to be an accountant

Surreyhillsbutnobike · 09/09/2021 17:38

I had a friend whose son wouldn't say where and what he had applied to through UCAS. School agreed they couldn't share the info with parents....Who were going to be expected to fund the course.

boreda09 · 09/09/2021 17:39

I'd be upset, unless it was to wait until not in a public place such as the school playground.

Bbq1 · 09/09/2021 17:40

That's really odd and unusual. Most dc can't wait to share their results with their parents. Is your daughter normally so secretive and closed off Op? If not, I'd assume she's scraped passes.

AmyDudley · 09/09/2021 17:44

Does seh think that her results may be compared unfavourably with any other family members? I don;t mean siblings or that you would say anything, but are there cousins, aunties/uncles/grandparents that she doesn;t want to share info with and thinks you might tell them?

I as because my niece was like that - her grandmother was a great one for comparing, and boasting that certain children had done better int heir results than others. So my sister never revealed her DD's results (if she knew) and neither did my neice. She is now in her 30s and I have no idea what she got for gcse, highers, or her degree and I respect that I never ask. I'm sure she did well she's a clever woman but even if she didn't it wouldn't make a difference. It is her choice and I totally understand (having grown up in a very comparing environment) her reasons for wanting privacy.

I certainly wouldn't punish your DD as a PP suggested. She will tell you if she wants to in her own time. And really the only thing that matters is that she is able to go on to do what she wants at A level, so congratulate her on that and support her in her sixth form studies. I honestly can't remember what my kids got for GCSE or A level - because they were just stepping stones on their route to where they wanted to go. I was obviously curious at the time, and they told me - but in the bigger picture it didn't really matter.

themidnighttrain · 09/09/2021 17:45

@TheCountessofFitzdotterel

And if so how did you approach it?

All I know is that they were good enough for her to do the A Level subjects she wanted, which is nice.

Is it just us? Has this ever happened to anyone else?

Do you know for sure she's doing those A Level subjects?

I.e. she hasn't missed out and is covering it up somehow?

It's not normal to not tell your parents your results, unless you've done worse than they were hoping for.

SunshineCake · 09/09/2021 17:50

My son said he wasn't going to tell us as he knew how much we wanted to know. He went and got them and as they were good he felt happier about telling us.

Feelingoktoday · 09/09/2021 17:52

I would be very disappointed if my kids didn’t tell me. Having supported them, bought them books, etc etc I feel that it is for me to know too.

Nomorepies · 09/09/2021 17:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

GreyhoundG1rl · 09/09/2021 17:55

My son said he wasn't going to tell us as he knew how much we wanted to know

zenthoughtsonlythanks · 09/09/2021 17:55

I would show her this thread op!

zenthoughtsonlythanks · 09/09/2021 17:56

Show her some parents would be much harsher than you

Applesonthelawn · 09/09/2021 17:59

My son had to sign a form to allow us to view his results on the parents' portal. I would suggest a bit of tit for tat if there's an opportunity, somewhat tongue in cheek so she knows you know it is just ridiculous. Otherwise wait until the certificates arrive.

HerrenaHarridan · 09/09/2021 18:04

Mumsnet always gives me such an insight as to why there are so many broken and angry adults with control issues

I would care much more about why she doesn’t want to tell me than how I could force her too.

Kids don’t ‘have too many rights’ these days because you’re not allowed to beat the spirit out of them anymore… sheesh

ThanksItHasPockets · 09/09/2021 18:05

Why are her results so important tho?

GCSEs are a gateway qualification. It generally doesn't matter what you got unless it's English/Maths as they're base requirements, or if you need a certain grade to do further study.

No, GCSEs are the culmination of eleven years of compulsory education which started on the day that OP took her daughter for her first day of reception. Years of school admissions, homework, uniform, packed lunches, revision snacks. I would be beyond hurt by this. As a pp has said it comes down to power and control.

DeclineandFall · 09/09/2021 18:05

I told my parents nothing they didnt need to know but this is weird and immature. I would be having a serious talk with her about it. She's upsetting her parents just because she can. If she carries behaviours like this on into adulthood it will be a disaster and I say that as some who is quite secretive and not an over sharer but I do know where the line is.

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/09/2021 18:06

"All I know is that they were good enough for her to do the A Level subjects she wanted, which is nice."

But - do you know that? How do you know she's attending school to start her A levels? Couldn't she be attending school to resit the previous year?

ItsNotMeAnymore · 09/09/2021 18:07

I’d be desperate to know but I wouldn’t be taking it as a personal insult like many posters are suggesting. I’d suspect she just doesn’t want to chat about them. Some kids find the whole process incredibly stressful and it’s completely understandably that they just want to forget about them and crack on with their A’levels. I wouldn’t assume the results are good or bad.

She has the results to do her A levels so that’s the most important thing.

I’d be tempted to never ask them about and treat it as a cool story but if I really couldn’t contain myself then I would make one and only one more request for the results. I’d tell her that you would like the results and that you are prepared to promise to NEVER mention them to her or anyone else in future and that you won’t react if the results are terrible or if they are amazing.

I’ve always downplayed how invested I was in my kids results as they got earlier. I would obviously be pleased for them or supportive of them but I wanted to avoid them thinking that they had to do well for me.

I don’t think Previous posters who have said that your daughter ‘owes’ you bacause you have supported her and she should be grateful etc are right to think that. Parents are meant to support their kids, it’s their job! The kids should be owing anything back in return.

I love the “Wow sass” comment. 😅