My teen has spent 20 minutes pointing out all my faults.😣

[ArseInTheCoOpWindow]

But I’m not allowed to reciprocate as that’s ‘mean’

Who ever thought that miming to music on my headphones was a failing? 🤷🏼‍♀️

I dared to tell my mum to shut up once, age 15 outside Ethel Austins, I got the full force of a slap right across my face in front of loads of people, it hurt as well as being mortifying. I slightly understand now, not that I'd ever dream of responding like that.

Lol write them all down for posterity. Might be useful for her wedding?

I'd also ask for 20 of your good points in a list for balance in case you fall over.

Only 20 minutes?

If you don't already know them Harry Enfield nailed teenagers back in the 80s.

Kevin becomes a teen:

Kevin reaches 18:

In my experience it was pretty much that dramatic at the entry point, a little more gradual at the exit but they all came out of it as decent adults eventually.

Feel your pain OP.

I let the small stuff go but if she genuinely hurts my feelings I tell her and she will generally think about it and apologise. I want her to be able to consider that her behaviour has consequences for others that she cares about. Punishment only makes her think about the consequences to herself in my experience. Would also hope to model good behaviour rather than slinging insults back! I want her to be able to tell me if I am being an arse because sometimes I am and she is right.

I'm another terrifying parent, they just wouldn't have dared. Only the other week I text my son's name rather than the diminutive as I was in a rush and not thinking. Within seconds dd text ask asking what he'd done because he was worried I was annoyed with him .
I started when mine were small with "Excuse me, did you mean to be rude or did you just forget your good manners?" By the time they were teens they knew very well just how much I'd tolerate which was very little as I can't abide rudeness.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

Yes they are brutal. I thanked her sarcastically for the unasked for critique.

All the times I’ve been her cheerleader, mentor, nurse, counsellor, cook, lovely kind mum. But l breathe too loudly apparently. And am dramatic. And pick fights with her when I’m bored.

Obviously l am guilty as charged😬

I've always thought that the teens who are rudest to their parents are the ones who are most secure and don't think they'll suffer any consequences. You've obviously been too nice.

@CrouchEndTiger12 I'd never call my child those things. The damage would be irreparable. I dealt with it by explaining how it made me feel. She took it onboard and apologised. Normal human behaviour.

Never did work out how to tell male and female swans apart though lol

According to mine I'm a bog standard mum in every sense of the word and if she's being generous I'm like every single 40 year old mum in the world. I only wish I was 40 so I take it as a compliment....................

@Spindless

I’ve actually told mine (just turned 18) to fuck off tonight. Ungrateful utter gobshite.

I’ve never sworn at my teens but this made me laugh. It’s as if you’ve been waiting eighteen years to say it.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

She was only talking to me as l was driving her to a shopping centre to buy a sketch book, so we were trapped in the car together.

And you didn’t turn around and dump her Mardy arse?

@blissfulllife

I misgender swans and my eyeliner is shit.

Monster!

I would start talking about safe sex, condoms and STIs in
detail. That should get her to shut up / jump out of the car

This is what l should have done.

I don’t she she’s a narcissist ….

@PerciphonePuma

My child is nowhere near teens yet so forgive my possible naïvety here. Did you not explain to her that the world doesn't work like that? That she can't go round pointing out people's failings/faults? Did you not point out that if she criticises someone then she needs to be prepared to accept criticism herself? I know it may go in one ear and out the other, but surely if they're not told this, then they have no idea that that behaviour is unacceptable?

Substantial research (conducted over the past 20 years) has suggested that narcissists (at least, most of them) have become this way, due to never having been told when they're in the wrong as a child. Nothing but constant praise and zero punishment of any kind whatsoever. Leading to the inability to process the possibility that they could be at fault, during adulthood.

With respect, that approach is like reasoning with Toddlers.

I have a 14 yo. Most of the time she is lovely, but she has her moments.

This was a lighthearted thread. She was being funny.

I’m not sure this makes her a narcissist! Only on MN.

@Hellocatshome

Do you know what my teen would be doing if they did that? Walking to the sodding shops.

Exactly.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

This was a lighthearted thread. She was being funny.

I’m not sure this makes her a narcissist! Only on MN.

It's gone daft hasn't it lol. My own comment was just about the ridiculousness of the things teens come out with, without really thinking and I got told to call her fat lazy etc. It's just a bit of a laugh about the little gems our teens come out with.

@PerciphonePuma 'Substantial research (conducted over the past 20 years) has suggested that narcissists (at least, most of them) have become this way, due to never having been told when they're in the wrong as a child. Nothing but constant praise and zero punishment of any kind whatsoever. Leading to the inability to process the possibility that they could be at fault, during adulthood.'

OMG that describes my ex perfectly. His stupid parents have spent his entire life telling him how wonderful he is, and never pulled him up on anything. In 50 years he has never apologised for anything, please and thank you are outside of his known vocabulary, and he genuinely believes he has no faults. He defines the word narcissist.

Lesson there I think.

Years ago I had just come home from a hiking day out and was on the last minute to take Ds1 somewhere. I didn't have time to change.
I got " your not going out looking like that are you?" sentence. Unfortunately for him I was if he wanted the lift with me!🤣🤣🤣
12 years later he is now a hiker with similar clothes!

Yes, l know the Harry Enfield stuff😂.

She literally changed on her 13th birthday. It was like a switch. She’s still lovely underneath though.

It gets better, Op 😂. My dd was awful to me between the ages of about 14 and 20. She slowly, slowly started to become more reasonable and at the age of 22 is a joy to spend time with.

She was always lovely to other people. It was just her dad and I who she was vile to.

@LolaLuna

Well, this can only happen if you allow it. I don't encourage rudeness in my teens and swiftly stamp on it when it occurs

Love this.

After all, mothers are to blame for everything aren't they...

@stripedbananas

I love and get on very well with my teens but my god they can be little shits at times

Thank you for this stripedbanans,

I had another bout of 'you destroyed my life' yesterday...

Also, ten months of home schooling in G.C.S.E year was 'her achievement' - yes, in a way it was, but not without the food, paying the higher bills, fixing the printer when it broke, coordinating with the school etc.

@PaddleBlue

I would start talking about safe sex, condoms and STIs in detail. That should get her to shut up / jump out of the car

I just have to say "period pants" and it has the same effect on my DD (who is well versed in the art of pointing out my failings).

She is another one who tries to create an argument, feels aggrieved and storms off to her bedroom, then sends me endless texts about how rubbish I am (all of which I ignore). The final text in the diatribe invariably says "Love you".

@Motnight

It gets better, Op 😂. My dd was awful to me between the ages of about 14 and 20. She slowly, slowly started to become more reasonable and at the age of 22 is a joy to spend time with.

She was always lovely to other people. It was just her dad and I who she was vile to.

That's kind of helpful, and a weird kind of way, though awful at the same time as I've got another four years to go of this...?

Helpful because I'm a lone parent and I was kind of thinking that was why she was being so awful to me, but you say they were awful to you and her dad as well, so it can't be just me... can it?